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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated that PIL use first name middle name?

68 replies

Ninju · 29/12/2023 22:07

Minor in the grand scheme, I know, but genuinely not sure if I'm overthinking it.
DS has my last name, not DPs. DP doesn't like his last name and will probably change to mine/DS when we get married.
Say his name is George James Smith (obviously it's not actually) PIL call him George James. Not all the time, but increasingly often, and they put George James frequently in cards etc.
Now I'm a bit put out as they've got him a lovely gift but personalised it with 'George James'.
I think it looks like it is a double first name, or that his surname is James, and to me it feels a bit like they are desperate to not use my surname. I wasn't expecting his full name on any cards or gifts, but why not just use his first name and just put George on things!? DP and I have never once called him George James. It's put me off the gift a bit as it just feels a bit deliberate and I get irritated when I look at it. If I'd wanted him to have a double first name I'd have named him that way, and the more they use it, the less I like the sound of it!

Do I need to get over it?

OP posts:

PeppermintParty · 30/12/2023 11:52

I'd be tempted to be passive aggressive here and sign your cards to them lots of love from Jane Louise, Michael Andrew and George James, then when they ask you why you did that, tell them that you thought that they liked using middle names in cards as that's what they do to your son.

chrisntmas · 30/12/2023 11:55

I call my eldest First Second all the time, it's a term of endearment

JustMarriedBecca · 30/12/2023 11:59

We do the same with our son. Term of endearment and a bit of a family pet name. Now he's older and at school he gets his first two initials e.g. GJ in your case.

Ginflinger · 30/12/2023 12:04

DH took my surname when we had kids. His father cannot accept this, and can't even bring himself to use our family surname. It's obviously set something off in him. Fortunately none of us could care less but OP you're right to think people can be bloody odd about this sort of thing.

GacksonJalaxy · 30/12/2023 13:18

Why are people saying things like "why give your child a middle name if you don't want it to be used?" Surely most people don't expect their child's middle name to be used, hence it being a middle name. If they wanted it used, just go for a double barreled name. My daughter has a middle name which I really like but I absolutely cringe if she receives cards addressed to "Lucy Anna" rather than just Lucy (not real names but close). One relative sent some personalised gifts with Lucy Anna printed on them and I refuse to use them outside of our home as I find it pretentious and embarrassing.

CurlewKate · 30/12/2023 13:34

Honestly? It really isn't any of your business what they call their son. I call mine First Second a lot- I would be very surprised if my doutl objected!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/12/2023 13:46

I think you're being silly.

Agree with a PP that it's a term of endearment. We all did it with our two, parents and grandparents.

And to whoever said it's pretentious, it really isn't, unless child's names are in themselves pretentious.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/12/2023 13:46

And I don't think it's anything at all to do with surnames.

hometimesanta · 30/12/2023 13:48

Can't roll my eyes hard enough at a parent being pissed off at someone calling their child the names they gave them.

Give over OP

P0ppet · 30/12/2023 14:25

I would just comment about how they can just call him George as that's his name.. and try and get them out of using his middle name as a double barrelled first name...

DeeLusional · 30/12/2023 14:41

Never understood giving people more than one "christian" name if they aren't going to be used. I have two, have always been known as the second one, but have to put up with the first one being called out at doctors, pharmacist etc. Really annoying.

LadyAsnowt · 30/12/2023 15:16

My Lancashire father (also Irish heritage), now in his 80s, does it with/about everyone - me, my sibling, his siblings, my late mother...he'd do it with his doctor and the woman in the corner shop if he could persuade them to part with the information!

ToWhitToWhoo · 30/12/2023 15:26

Did they always do this to an extent? In some cultural and regional groups, and in older generations, it's not that uncommon to use both the first and middle name at least some of the time. Perhaps especially if the first name is shared by several family members. In any case, I don't think that on it's own it's much to worry about.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/12/2023 15:30

what are there middle names?
start using them, a lot

Previousreligion · 30/12/2023 15:56

I'd think it was sweet. My grandparents, from the Midlands not Ireland, used to sometimes do this. They just liked the flow of my names.

I'd like it if my PILs used my DC's middle name - I hardly hear it, but it's a beautiful name!

LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 16:13

WickDittington · 30/12/2023 00:12

Quite normal in my family to use all our given names without our family name. It’s not always about you, you know! Life gets easier when one learns to accept this.

This.

Talk about looking for something to be offended by.

SeamsLegit · 31/12/2023 15:24

My Dad calls my kids first name middle name, we're Irish too. I would definitely pick Ur battles with this one

Holly60 · 31/12/2023 15:47

It is always done with affection in my family.

I adore the middle names I gave both my children and use them often. They are adults.

I just think they are being affectionate and showing they like both his names. I think it's nice

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