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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hiding his Christmas chocolate

104 replies

R87 · 29/12/2023 16:00

This is not a massive deal in the scheme of things but my partner and I have such different takes on the situation I want to see what others think…
As part of DH’s Christmas gift I bought him some chocolate bars. Today I was sorting out some of the stuff we’d stored in his wardrobe while hosting folks for Christmas and found the chocolate hidden in here. I received many boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and gift vouchers to me personally from friends and family which I wouldn’t dream of hiding away or not sharing. They are in the kitchen and DH has enjoyed most of them with me already, as I’d expect. I asked him why he kept the chocolates here and he said they were his gift and just for him so why should he share them. It’s given me the ick tbh, AIBU?!

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 29/12/2023 20:48

Didimum · 29/12/2023 18:56

Does it really matter? If you want to share your chocolate that’s your prerogative.

Yes, of course it matters! What's his is his and what's hers is his, too. He finishes off her treats when she's out at work, yet hides his own. How is that the behaviour of a good guy?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 29/12/2023 20:52

Yeah this would irritate me.

We always put our gifted chocolate/treats in the kitchen so we can both help ourselves.

bellac11 · 29/12/2023 20:59

Damnedidont · 29/12/2023 16:15

Have you asked him why it's ok to eat yours but won't share his ?

I would have thought its quite simple, OP put hers out for sharing. He didnt put his out for sharing

I dont share my chocs either

Itsalwaysthelasttime · 29/12/2023 21:06

It wasnt tge ops personal chocolate it was joint chocolate but her dhs was a present just for him very different.

Mielbee · 29/12/2023 21:12

YABU - the difference here is that you bought them for him. If you were expecting to share them, why wouldn't you just buy them in your weekly shop for you to both enjoy? The only thing that would make them actually a present for him would be for you not to share them.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 29/12/2023 21:15

Standard practice in this house. DW, DD DS and me all have a secret choccie stash.

Therealjudgejudy · 29/12/2023 21:15

Is he often selfish in general op?

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/12/2023 21:17

If you got him a present expecting him to share with you it's not really a present is it.

Didimum · 29/12/2023 21:19

MILTOBE · 29/12/2023 20:48

Yes, of course it matters! What's his is his and what's hers is his, too. He finishes off her treats when she's out at work, yet hides his own. How is that the behaviour of a good guy?

Show quote history

It’s bloody chocolate, it’s not that deep. If OP feels so indignant about she can stash hers away too. She’s happy sharing so she hasn’t, he would rather keep his to himself so doesn’t. It’s not necessarily reflective of any huge personality trait – it’s chocolate.

LolaSmiles · 29/12/2023 21:24

I think there's a difference between sharing something that was given as a gift and leaving open as a family free for all.

I'd offer DH and DC some of my Christmas chocolate if I was having one, but I'd be really annoyed if I left them out and DH had decided that my Christmas gift was for him to eat. I'm happy to share my chocolates, but that doesn't make them a communal snack option by default.

FoxClocks · 29/12/2023 21:25

If I have edible gifts I'm happy to share I put them in the kitchen so people can help themselves, but if it's something special I keep it separately and no-one would take it without asking. My family all do the same. I think that's fair, if you live together it doesn't mean you can't have your own gifts and special foods. If someone eats your food you have made clear is not for sharing without your permission then that's wrong.

ChocolateTVandbaby · 29/12/2023 21:25

I get his point actually that the chocolates given to both of you are shared but those you gave to him are for him. Did he give any to you?

Starseeking · 29/12/2023 22:13

If it's just you and him at home, and he's happy to tuck into your chocolate, hiding his own and statin he won't share seems a really odd thing for him to do.

It sounds like he either has some sort of disordered eating, or is really selfish. It's also odd that you've only just noticed this behaviour of his (unless you've only been together 5 minutes).

thecatsthecats · 29/12/2023 22:26

R87 · 29/12/2023 16:28

Thanks. Possibly that’s it - he’s the youngest in a big family but it’s just the two of us in the household now.

Youngest in a big family? He'll have had to count his hundreds and thousands.

We're resource hoarders, youngest children!

TroysMammy · 23/01/2024 12:44

I have to hide chocolate from my partner.

It was my birthday last week and I was gifted a big box of Ferrero Roche. They are not my favourite and my partner knows this. I went to move them this morning and the greedy bastard has opened them and eaten 10, so average 2 a day. I am furious. He has form for lack of self control and he's also a diabetic. If I mention it to him he will absolutely flip and start deflecting - again.

Even though they are not my favourite I could have given them to my parents for their wedding anniversary in 2 weeks time or eaten them in times of desperation.

I have to hide gifted biscuits as well, he helped himself to a mini bag of biscuits the other day when he came home.

Catsbreakfast · 23/01/2024 12:52

Reugny · 29/12/2023 16:01

AHH you are married.

You are stuck with him.

Meanness isn't attractive.

And I think it would be mean to gift something you expect to eat half of yourself. They’d his gifts. If OP gets a lot of chocolate from
various sources, it might be less of an issue for her to share. Or she might eat most of them
anyway. I understand why w
he wouldn’t share these.

Catsbreakfast · 23/01/2024 12:53

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/12/2023 21:17

If you got him a present expecting him to share with you it's not really a present is it.

This with bells on.

Broodywuz · 23/01/2024 12:55

Does seem pretty selfish when you see it written down but I do the same 🙈I love chocolate!

Ponderingwindow · 23/01/2024 13:01

You are adults. If you want more chocolate, go to the store and buy chocolate.

it doesn’t matter if he puts some aside or if he puts it out. When either of you wants chocolate, just remember you aren’t children who have eaten through your trove of sweets and aren’t allowed anymore.

Foodfoodfoodfood · 23/01/2024 13:10

This would totally give me the ick. To the point of genuinely leaving him 🫣

But part of the ick is that I can 100% see my father in law do this 🤮

Rainbow1901 · 23/01/2024 13:11

justanothermanicmonday1 · 29/12/2023 20:52

Yeah this would irritate me.

We always put our gifted chocolate/treats in the kitchen so we can both help ourselves.

DD's family do this - only thing is her DH will snaffle the best of the chocolates and leave the naff ones for everyone else. I bought her some of her favourites after Christmas (because she hadn't been given any )- she was going to share them with DH but he annoyed her one morning so she ate the lot herself!! 😂

BizarrePhenomenon · 23/01/2024 13:19

wow my DH would never touch my chocs! luckily he is not keen on sweet things, good job too😁

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 23/01/2024 13:26

I don't really see the issue. It is his gift, he may still share but just want to do so at his own pace.

My DH has a sweet tooth and minimal self control around chocolate. Shared gifts are shared and what typically happens is that for every one I have he has three, he also eats them at random without even looking at the menu card.

I don't hide my chocolate but if it is something I particularly want to enjoy I put it out of the way. I still share and offer him one when I have one, I just want to take my time.

SerenChocolateMuncher · 23/01/2024 15:34

You are being unreasonable. You can do what you like with your chocolates and if that means sharing them, that's your choice. He can do whatever he likes with his chocolates. If that means scoffing them all to himself, that's fine too.

If my husband and I receive chocolates that are intended for both of us, we put them in the communal treat cupboard and eat them when we are together.

We can do whatever we like with chocolates that were intended for us as individuals. My husband usually keeps his in a drawer in his study and I keep mine in my garden room.

My Christmas chocolates are already ancient history. I had eaten most of them before Twelfth Night. My husband still has a lot of his left and as far as I'm concerned he can eat them all himself. They are his.

Occasionally, when we are watching television in the evening, he will appear with some of his chocolates which he shares with me, because he knows I have eaten all mine. I appreciate his generosity, but I don't expect it.

MasterBeth · 23/01/2024 15:50

I think in our house the unspoken rules are:

  1. that the receiver of a gift like chocolates gets to choose when they are opened, but they will then offer them round to everyone who's there - they are kind of in control of the chocolate, but it is thought to be greedy and mean to keep it all for yourself,

  2. the receiver should always end up with more than anyone else/first pick, and if they are perceived to be "special" this is especially important,

  3. special treat gifts (like non-dairy or GF options for people who can only eat those things) should be reserved for the people they have been bought for,

  4. hiding chocolate is dysfunctional and bizarre.