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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hiding his Christmas chocolate

104 replies

R87 · 29/12/2023 16:00

This is not a massive deal in the scheme of things but my partner and I have such different takes on the situation I want to see what others think…
As part of DH’s Christmas gift I bought him some chocolate bars. Today I was sorting out some of the stuff we’d stored in his wardrobe while hosting folks for Christmas and found the chocolate hidden in here. I received many boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and gift vouchers to me personally from friends and family which I wouldn’t dream of hiding away or not sharing. They are in the kitchen and DH has enjoyed most of them with me already, as I’d expect. I asked him why he kept the chocolates here and he said they were his gift and just for him so why should he share them. It’s given me the ick tbh, AIBU?!

OP posts:
AyrshireTryer · 29/12/2023 17:37

Hide your chocolate.

AuntMarch · 29/12/2023 17:38

Alloveragain3 · 29/12/2023 16:16

They are his though. So it's up to him what he does.

You've chosen to share and possibly get some sort of satisfaction out of doing this, and seeing others enjoying themselves?
If you don't want to share, hide your stuff too!

If you're happy sharing, crack on, but you can't make everyone do the same.

Exactly this.

369damnshesfine · 29/12/2023 17:39

His stuff is his stuff and your stuff is your stuff.

Unless it’s things that you want to share so you put them in the kitchen for everyone.

margotrose · 29/12/2023 17:41

DH and I have a communal "shelf" for things we want to share, and our own separate shelves for things that are just ours, which works really well.

I wouldn't want to share my favourite chocolates with him as I can guarantee he'd mindlessly eat the lot and I'd end up with about two.

AuntMarch · 29/12/2023 17:43

I've just seen it's just the two of you - that makes the wardrobe thing a bit extreme, I assumed he was hiding it from kids that might whine for some.

369damnshesfine · 29/12/2023 18:01

margotrose · 29/12/2023 17:41

DH and I have a communal "shelf" for things we want to share, and our own separate shelves for things that are just ours, which works really well.

I wouldn't want to share my favourite chocolates with him as I can guarantee he'd mindlessly eat the lot and I'd end up with about two.

That’s actually a really good idea!

CKL987 · 29/12/2023 18:17

My DH and I will often hide stuff from each other because we want to eat it. In the grand scheme of things it is no biggie because you can just buy more chocolate if you want some.

greentreez23 · 29/12/2023 18:30

Mine are hidden. I have a box of expensive handmade truffles. If DH saw them he would eat the whole lot in half an hour. I want to savour them over the next few weeks. He doesn't even like truffles, but thinks that chocolate should be eaten 'to get rid of it'. He had some boxes which have gone already. I had maybe three of those? So his are safe to be left put.

Original poster
R87 · 29/12/2023 18:53

It was a 5 pack of mini Tony Chocoloney chocolate bars. Just a stocking filler as we’d had some at a friend’s house the week before and had enjoyed it

OP posts:
Didimum · 29/12/2023 18:56

Does it really matter? If you want to share your chocolate that’s your prerogative.

margotrose · 29/12/2023 19:01

@369damnshesfine it works so well! I got a lot of chocolate off clients for Christmas so most of that went on the communal shelf but when I treat myself to my favourites, they're not being shared with anyone 😂

Islandermummy · 29/12/2023 19:09

I wouldn't eat chocs that I had bought my husband for Christmas - unless he offered to share, which he mostly would! If they weren't specifically for him, then it kind of doesn't make sense to put in his stocking. They are just household choc that could go in the cupboard or whatever.

HOWEVER Hiding them does seem a bit childish/petty. Whilst he probably (correctly?) thought you'd just help yourself otherwise, it's not at all an attractive response. I'd find that a bit ew.

Basically I think they are his chocs and you should eat without him offering... but that he should at least let you try a bit!

Tinkerbyebye · 29/12/2023 19:11

I would just collect up my remaining chocolate wine etc and hide them, and inform dp that you wont be sharing moving forward as they were bought for you

wineandmaltesershappyme · 29/12/2023 19:13

Start hiding your treats. They were given to you not the household so are yours. He can't have it both ways.

WhatNoUsername · 29/12/2023 19:19

I don't know why you share your personal choc gifts tbh. Do you share all your presents?!? We have communal chocolate at Christmas which anyone can eat at any time, and sometimes

we get choc gifted to one of us personally which we don't tend to share. It's certainly not free for all chocolate but I might give DH a bit if he was there when I opened it and vice versa.

Wine is different and would always share this of course but if it were a personal gift the giftee would decide when it is opened. My DH wouldn't just open a bottle gifted to me without asking for example.

GymBergerac · 29/12/2023 19:36

But they're his own gift? Surely if they're his, he's free to eat them all/hide them all/share them all/give them all away, or whatever he chooses, just as with any other gift?!
Maybe a bit cheeky that's he's happily munched yours, but then it was your choice to share your own.

Hiding his away suggests he's either saving them/rationing them so he doesn't scoff them all in one sitting, or that he thinks someone else is going to eat them if he leaves them out!

LusaBatoosa · 29/12/2023 19:43

I find these sorts of threads fascinating.

We mostly share in this house, but if you have something you don’t fancy sharing, can’t you just ask the other person/people in your home not to eat them? Would they not listen?

That’s not a dynamic I’ve ever experienced, either growing up or with my DH, and I’d find it really disrespectful. And quite weird, tbh. If someone asks you not to eat something, you just don’t, surely? Why would you?

xsquared · 29/12/2023 19:45

It's his gift to do what he pleases with it, whether that's sharing it or keeping it to himself.

Same applies to your gift. You do what you want with yours, and you've chosen to share yours instead.

Would he protest if you chose to keep yours to yourself? If so, then he's a hypocrite.

minipie · 29/12/2023 19:49

Well, were the ones given to you given just to you, or to both of you? This does make quite a difference.

jannier · 29/12/2023 20:10

"Ok so these are all mine and I'm not sharing anymore....enjoy your chocolate while I get pissed and eat mine"

caringcarer · 29/12/2023 20:14

I think if they were given to him personally as his treats it's ok to keep them for himself. You chose to share yours. That was your choice as they belonged to you. You could have kept them to yourself. It would be nice if he reciprocated but it's his choice. I share most things but I don't share my Maltesers with anyone.

TeaGinandFags · 29/12/2023 20:16

He's applying double standards which is unacceptable.

Steal them.
Eat them.

Deny everything.

ReindeerShelter · 29/12/2023 20:18

YABU. It’s your choice to share your chocolate with him. You don’t have to, and doing so doesn’t mean he has to share with you.

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/12/2023 20:30

YABU sorry, you choose to share your chocolate with him. If you do so expecting the same back, then you weren't really freely sharing in the first place were you?

If he wants to hoard and keep treats that are his alone to himself, so be it, as long as he doesn't take personal stuff when asked not to or its clear it IS personal, not communal, I have no issue with that.

I used to hoard stuff, like others i came from a family of snafflers who would delight in eating all of someone elses treats.

Now I live with a bloke who would never do so and I don't hide treats, theres no need, we're clear on whats communal and what isn't. I do offer to share but he's not bothered about my stuff, he doesn't like it (or it'd be communal, if we both liked it).

diamondpony80 · 29/12/2023 20:46

We don't share chocolate as we all got our own chocolate as gifts so don't really need to. Mine are hidden, but from myself so that I don't have easy access! If it was visible to me all the time I'd have finished it by now.