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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hiding his Christmas chocolate

104 replies

R87 · 29/12/2023 16:00

This is not a massive deal in the scheme of things but my partner and I have such different takes on the situation I want to see what others think…
As part of DH’s Christmas gift I bought him some chocolate bars. Today I was sorting out some of the stuff we’d stored in his wardrobe while hosting folks for Christmas and found the chocolate hidden in here. I received many boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and gift vouchers to me personally from friends and family which I wouldn’t dream of hiding away or not sharing. They are in the kitchen and DH has enjoyed most of them with me already, as I’d expect. I asked him why he kept the chocolates here and he said they were his gift and just for him so why should he share them. It’s given me the ick tbh, AIBU?!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 29/12/2023 16:54

who hamsters their food/treats? People who grew up in households where they got none or they were taken off them as may have happened with OPs DH.

But thanks to this thread i remembered that i had brought a selection box over from UK for my DH and forgotten to give it to him. His first reaction? "we can share it" (sweetie that he is) my answer "no, they are for you" (much as i would love to snaffle that crunchie)

If OP wants to share hers,that is up to her.

LardyCakeAgain · 29/12/2023 16:56

Have to admit, I hide my chocolate sometimes. I try to limit myself to a couple of small squares a day for weight reasons, but then whenever I fancy one and go to the treats tin it's all been eaten by someone else and not replaced, which makes it really hard to regulate my eating. Now I have "general" chocolate for the house and if I get posh chocs they go in my desk drawer.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2023 16:57

I’m assuming you asked how come he is happy to eat yours? Hide yours too! He is being ridiculous if you’re sharing yours. Hiding it when there’s only the 2 of you in the house!

AgnesX · 29/12/2023 16:57

If mine hides his chocolate he's getting none of my whisky! There's no fun in doing things on your own though so we share.

There's not a history of you scoffing everything in one go?

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 29/12/2023 17:02

My brother would eat his chocolate quickly when we were little and then I would be forced to share mine with him.

I regularly hide chocolate treats but obviously not well enough ....

MrsElsa · 29/12/2023 17:07

Don't share yours with him then!

I wonder how you have been married for years and somehow not yet found an approach that works for you both?

Original poster
R87 · 29/12/2023 17:08

Thanks for all your comments 🙏
I asked why he thought it was ok to eat ‘mine’ but hide his away. His view is that as I bought him the chocolates they are only his, whereas the other things were from friends and family so there’s an assumption from the gift givers they would be shared with him too. He’s said he won’t eat anything else to make a point, which isn’t what I wanted (and 100% won’t last anyway). I know this is such a ridiculous argument btw 😂

OP posts:
LusaBatoosa · 29/12/2023 17:10

R87 · 29/12/2023 17:08

Thanks for all your comments 🙏
I asked why he thought it was ok to eat ‘mine’ but hide his away. His view is that as I bought him the chocolates they are only his, whereas the other things were from friends and family so there’s an assumption from the gift givers they would be shared with him too. He’s said he won’t eat anything else to make a point, which isn’t what I wanted (and 100% won’t last anyway). I know this is such a ridiculous argument btw 😂

What utter rot.

So, when he gives you consumable gifts, does he share them or leave them entirely for you?

Original poster
R87 · 29/12/2023 17:10

Haha no! If anything it’s the other way around - he’ll frequently finish off the treats while I’m out at work, which makes this all the more annoying! (DH wfh)

OP posts:
LusaBatoosa · 29/12/2023 17:11

R87 · 29/12/2023 17:10

Haha no! If anything it’s the other way around - he’ll frequently finish off the treats while I’m out at work, which makes this all the more annoying! (DH wfh)

Have you pointed this out to him? Please share his response. This is fascinating!

VikingLady · 29/12/2023 17:12

We do it. I'm not losing my posh expensive chocolate to someone who'll eat knock off tasteless smarties. And he doesn't want to be fancying a specific treat when he gets home just to find I've eaten them. Mine go in my baking cupboard, his go where he sorts his stamps (honestly).

Anything left out is fair game and I'll usually give it to the kids or eat it in my PMT sugar crazed feeding frenzy.

Megifer · 29/12/2023 17:14

So he's just a bog standard greedy bastard rather than harbouring some awful long term ptsd from having his Christmas chocolate shut away from him as a child? I'm shocked 🤣

ActDottie · 29/12/2023 17:17

It would give me the ick but that’s only because that’s not how me and my husband do stuff in our house.

laclochette · 29/12/2023 17:20

This is hilarious! Unless they're gold-plated caviar-laced white truffle chocolates or something, why would you not share chocolate with the household? And even then I'd probably share tbh.

Probably goes back to deep-seated childhood family dynamics as others have suggested.

CarrotCake01 · 29/12/2023 17:20

I think it depends!

If its a generic tub of chocolates like a big box of Roses or something, I've always been happy to share but once or twice a year my mum will treat me to a small box of specialist dairy free chocolates and those I do tend to keep to myself. It's a gift that someone has put thought and effort into, just for me. Why would someone else expect to be entitled to eat it for me...?
I'd be disappointed if I left any personal gifts out and someone else took them.

I guess it depends on a few things, like whether it was a generic gift vs a thoughtful one and whether it was a sharing gift or something purchased for him to enjoy.

MorningFresh · 29/12/2023 17:20

I'm curious to know which kind of chocolate it was, please OP?

Lizzieregina · 29/12/2023 17:23

I’m about to hide DH’s chocolates 😂

He’s like a Hoover and will just keep eating till everything’s gone, so if I hide some, I can bring them out a bit at a time!

We always share though. We eat mine, then we eat his.

Also we both grew up in huge families, so you ate sweets fast or you didn’t eat them!

Lollypop701 · 29/12/2023 17:25

Cf territory… what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. I’d have cupboards for my stuff and share when I eat it but put it away… and watch him die a little inside when he sees the goodies he can’t eat unless he shares his

Rosiiee · 29/12/2023 17:27

I do the same thing. DH just laughs it off. He knows I’m protective of my treats and I only have a chocolate every few days so a box lasts ages. I don’t see my MIL sharing the shower gels we get her so why can’t I hide my gift 🤷🏻‍♀️

pizzaHeart · 29/12/2023 17:28

KitchenMess · 29/12/2023 16:13

I hide my chocolate gifts because I tend to eat them slowly over a long period of time, if I shared them they'd get eaten quickly before I even get around to having one (for instance me and OH both got big boxes of chocolates for Christmas - he's almost eaten all of his already while I haven't even opened my box) but then I wouldn't eat someone else's. Its fine to keep gifts for yourself but its not fine if you do that but still expect to share your partner's.

This^
Both DD and I put ours separately already. She is very slow with chocolates. DH’s is still under the tree. I might offer mine a few times (more like once 😔) but I won’t eat his. The wardrobe hiding would be extreme even for me.

pizzaHeart · 29/12/2023 17:30

R87 · 29/12/2023 17:08

Thanks for all your comments 🙏
I asked why he thought it was ok to eat ‘mine’ but hide his away. His view is that as I bought him the chocolates they are only his, whereas the other things were from friends and family so there’s an assumption from the gift givers they would be shared with him too. He’s said he won’t eat anything else to make a point, which isn’t what I wanted (and 100% won’t last anyway). I know this is such a ridiculous argument btw 😂

He’s got a point in it, we all have personal chocolates that were in our stockings.

UsingChangeofName · 29/12/2023 17:30

His view is that as I bought him the chocolates they are only his, whereas the other things were from friends and family so there’s an assumption from the gift givers they would be shared with him too.

Well, if that is the case, that is a fair point.
We often get a tub of Celebrations or a box of biscuits as a present to the family. They, of course, can be eaten by anyone in the family.

My small box of hotel chocolate mini bars that were given specifically to me, by our dd, who spent relatively similar amount on something specific for her Dad (not edible) are clearly purely mine, to be put away by me for when I choose to eat them. As pp have said, just because something is edible doesn't mean it has to be shared. To me it is the same if you have something personal to do with your hobby or interest, or some clothing or something. Everyone in our family would wear a hat out in freezing weather, but no-one would go and help themselves to a new hat that one person has been given for Christmas.

A gift given to an individual, belongs to that individual.

TimeIhadaNightCapwithSanta · 29/12/2023 17:30

I'll share treats, but on my terms. I want to have some too, and in the past that's not always been the case (both when I was a child and with dp). In dp's case he drank a set of 4 miniature Bourbon whiskeys I'd been given, then replaced it with one large bottle. I not very keen on Bourbon, so he had most of the bottle anyway, but would have liked to have tried the variety.

SutWytTi · 29/12/2023 17:31

In this house we have shared things and then our own things.

The issue is he eats your things, rather than him hiding his own stash.

Createausername1970 · 29/12/2023 17:36

Some of mine Christmas chocolate has been added to the "family" supply and is being eaten by everyone. But some has been snaffled away to be enjoyed by me at a later date, probably when DH isn't around, and probably with a glass of wine and a girly film on Netflix.

So I don't think it would bother me.