Late mum's husband has new partner - still living in mum's home

[stepparentdilemma2023]

Hi all

Bit of a backstory, my mum remarried a new guy (stepfather - SF) in 2018. They subsequently bought a house together, which mum paid about 80% and him about 20% of, that same year.

Mum sadly was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died relatively quickly in May 2022. SF received a third of her pension in the will, which already raised eyebrows among me and my brother (mum's only children), but mum's investment into the house was protected, so we still own her share.

Since mum died, SF has continued living in the house, which has increased in value quite dramatically since 2018. He has had one of his adult children, who is a bit of a tearaway, living there on off (in life, the adult child was not allowed to stay at the house by my mum as he had been involved in drug debt and had had a brick put through the window of his own mother's house, as well as being briefly kidnapped (!!) to pay off the debt).

We have maintained generally cordial relations with SF, and had arranged via WhatsApp to see him this Christmas when my brother noticed his WhatsApp picture was a photo of him and a new woman. When we eventually did go for our Christmas meetup yesterday at the house, his wedding ring was off, several photographs of mum had been taken down, and he confessed he had been seeing a new woman for a number of months.

Brother is very disappointed as previously SF had gone on about how mum was his soulmate, he'd never love another, etc... only to enter a relationship with someone new in just over a year.

I'm not sure how I feel, because I was never as close to SF in the first place, but I do know I think my mum would've been quite upset at how quickly (in the grand scheme of things) this had all come about.

FWIW, the new woman lives independently to him (as far as we know), is apparently quite wealthy (he's landed on his feet again!) and has two children of her own.

AIBU to now think that if SF has moved on with his life to the extent he is comfortable enough to take off his wedding ring and meet a new woman, that it is time we take back the house and sell?

My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.

Sorry it was a long one!

Why on gods earth would you leave a percentage to his children??

If he has been a wonderful husband for decades and would do the same for you that is understandable - but his children as well?! Why?

Exactly! There's not much to be done discussing it without knowing this. It's very common in this setup with step kids etc that there is a lifetime tenancy clause so you just need to have this checked in the New Year. He may very well be able to stay there for the next 40 years.

I disagree with the negative comments you've received about money grabbing etc. They were only married for 4 years, I'm glad to hear he was lovely to your Mum but I wouldn't want to be tied to him for the next 40yrs due to property ownership, particular when he's been keen to move on so quickly.

Hoping for you and your brother there isn't a lifetime tenancy clause in place x

All of this is hypothetical nonsense!

Look at the will online, it'll cost you £3

www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

That is a fairly standard agreement - well at least it is where I live. However, I heard recently of an elderly woman having to leave her home after the death of her husband, which is nothing short of cruel.

I am the child of divorced parents, both of whom remarried. Both their spouses pre-deceased them, but had my parents gone first I would have been perfectly happy for the spouse to live in the house for the rest of their lives, or until they decided otherwise.

There seem to be some posters on here who cannot wait to get their hands on any inheritance forthcoming - it's actually quite obscene!

This is the part I really don't understand. If OP and her brother inherited from her DM the executors should have informed them of the exact terms of the will. She should know exactly where her SF stands as to being able to stay in the house for as long as he wishes to, but she conveniently left that out of her posts. The fact that none of us know the terms of the will means we cannot advise her - so what was the point of her even asking???

Because it's her property and her money and she does whatever she wants with it?

How exactly is it any of your business?

Ummm it’s a chat forum and pp voluntarily posted the information 🤷🏼‍♀️ That’s what normally happens on a chat forum….

Sure, but what reply did you expect to your apparently outraged question?

Having bought a house with his spouse and living there for some years I imagine he very much thinks of it as "his" home. Not his late wife's home.

I imagine he wasn't unaware of the will, I'd be interested to know what his understanding of the situation was when it was made.

Having a new partner is neither here nor there, it doesn't have anything to do with whether he has an obligation to leave his house.

It IS unusual to leave an inheritance to children that are not yours. It depends on the relationship I guess.

If your parent married someone 4 years before they died and then you owned nearly all the property , you would be fine if they lived in that for another 40 years ?

My friend owns 100% of a house that her dad's wife now lives in. But the lady is allowed to live in it until her own death. Fine, but my friend legally already owns a property which is causing some problems now she is trying to buy her own home. All this kind of thing seems very complex.

It’s really not.

Not when you are married to their parent. A fairly long marriage. Where that parent has put plenty of money into the home.

He could have looked after his own children only and gave them money instead of putting money in home improvements.

It’s really not unusual to recognise that a spouse has also put a lot of their money into a property that is their joint home.

I won’t get married again, because I don’t want to leave my assets to anyone but my children. But even I can see how it’s entirely reasonable to leave money to all the adult children involved.

I would not be leaving money to other people’s children, no. It would be seen as very unusual here. It’s up to pp though. Some people leave their entire estate to the local dogs home. It’s up to them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes that makes more sense

It’s usual to you. I can see that. Rather than it being unusual in a general sense.

If you have a loving relationship of many years with sc then I can see why someone would want to acknowledge that in the way of an inheritance. I certainly would.

i guess I don’t see that in real life very often, and certainly not on MN. But I am sure it exists and is the reality for some families, and find it heartwarming in a way.

If that's how it was stated in their will then of course I would be happy with it. My parent/s would have discussed it with me beforehand anyway, but even if they hadn't I would accept it. - because that is what they wanted. It's not about what the child wants, it's what the person who owns the property in the first place wants - and inheritance is not a right, but it seems that is contrary to what many MNers think.

The will and whatever the legal stance is from your solicitor is literally the only relevant issue here. Start there.

It's been a year and a half! And he is elderly, is he meant to wait until he is no longer able to walk to meet someone?

OP should also obtain a copy of the land registry document. Again, these are public documents and anyone can obtain a copy for a small fee (£3):

https://www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry

A copy of the will is obtainable here:

https://probatesearch.service.gov.uk/#wills

It will include the names of the Trustees etc. (But I assume OP at least knows the names of the Trustees and will have had some communications from them since the Trustees will have been responsible for having the names on the Land Registry document amended to reflect the new owners.)

Unless OP is prepared to obtain this information, this thread will just go round and round in circles.

Another poster has suggested that possibly OP does know what the wording of the will allows for in terms of the SF's legal right to remain in the property but has started this thread in order to obtain validation of her opinion that the SF should move out, anyway, now that he is in another relationship (which, of course, may or may not last).

I am beginning to wonder whether this is the case. Given that the OP and her brother are under the impression that they have a major financial interest in a property that the SF is continuing to live in, it seems extraordinary to me that neither of them appears to have been given a copy of their mother's will and a copy of the estate accounts.

I can't believe op never looked into the will at the time . If I owed 40% of a property I would want to know if I was liable for council tax , building insurance ect .

Thread is entirely pointless without knowing what the will says. It will either say you’re trustees and he has the right to remain in the house until death, or it won’t. Until you know the specific terms, then all this 20-odd pages of debate is completely irrelevant.

It’s also normal for a spouse to inherit the other persons pension. In fact, I think they’re the only person who can. One of the few benefits of marriage.

It does sound like you’re bitter and resentful of him, but honestly, it’s just not your business how fast he moves on. My mum had the step mother from hell - just thank your lucky stars that you’ll end up with some inheritance at all!

Which is what I've said further down and a copy of the will can be seen online, with minimal effort!

Everyone keeps saying Op needs to get a copy of the will. I don’t think she does.

I think they know the terms of the will. Why else would her brother be getting a solicitor to look into it? It will be really obvious when reading the will whether a lifetime interest was given and under what terms.

The solicitor could only be looking for a loophole or whether dating could be a way of getting him out. It’s unlikely that simply dating someone would trigger him having to move. And it would be in the will clearly if it was. That both Op and brother could read.

Who plans to spend money on a solicitor to get them to simply read the terms of a will that’s already been executed. Especially, when they say they need money. You only do that if you need them to try and work round it.

Where is the executor in all this?

Op has only talked about her expectations and that he should (in her opinion) move out now he is dating. I truly believe she just wanted support in her opinion he should leave because all she is really planning doing (if anything) at all is going to ask him to leave. But knows they can’t enforce it.

According to the OP, the estate has been administered.

OP would know whether or not she and her brother (or just one of them) was named as a Trustee since it is the Trustees' responsibility to administer the estate in accordance with the will (or engage a solicitor or probate firm to administer the estate on behalf of the Trustees).

Also, Trustees have to be given a copy of the will (if the will was being held by the solicitor who drew up the will) in order for them to carry out their duties as Trustees, apply for probate, gather in any debts etc, pay any outstanding bills and distribute the assets according the terms of the will.

So she would have known back in May 2022 whether or not she and/or her brother was a Trustee.

As many posters have said the OP simply needs to look at the will and the land registry documents. Her unwillingness to do this makes me think she’s just fibbing and I don’t think she will come back and reveal what the documents actually say.