Late mum's husband has new partner - still living in mum's home

[stepparentdilemma2023]

Hi all

Bit of a backstory, my mum remarried a new guy (stepfather - SF) in 2018. They subsequently bought a house together, which mum paid about 80% and him about 20% of, that same year.

Mum sadly was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died relatively quickly in May 2022. SF received a third of her pension in the will, which already raised eyebrows among me and my brother (mum's only children), but mum's investment into the house was protected, so we still own her share.

Since mum died, SF has continued living in the house, which has increased in value quite dramatically since 2018. He has had one of his adult children, who is a bit of a tearaway, living there on off (in life, the adult child was not allowed to stay at the house by my mum as he had been involved in drug debt and had had a brick put through the window of his own mother's house, as well as being briefly kidnapped (!!) to pay off the debt).

We have maintained generally cordial relations with SF, and had arranged via WhatsApp to see him this Christmas when my brother noticed his WhatsApp picture was a photo of him and a new woman. When we eventually did go for our Christmas meetup yesterday at the house, his wedding ring was off, several photographs of mum had been taken down, and he confessed he had been seeing a new woman for a number of months.

Brother is very disappointed as previously SF had gone on about how mum was his soulmate, he'd never love another, etc... only to enter a relationship with someone new in just over a year.

I'm not sure how I feel, because I was never as close to SF in the first place, but I do know I think my mum would've been quite upset at how quickly (in the grand scheme of things) this had all come about.

FWIW, the new woman lives independently to him (as far as we know), is apparently quite wealthy (he's landed on his feet again!) and has two children of her own.

AIBU to now think that if SF has moved on with his life to the extent he is comfortable enough to take off his wedding ring and meet a new woman, that it is time we take back the house and sell?

My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.

Sorry it was a long one!

@stepparentdilemma2023 Have you looked at the Will online to see if he has been given a life interest, OP? I think it only costs a few pounds and is instant. A hell of a lot less than a solicitor

See I think the complete opposite.

Coming from a blended family I would want my children to receive their inheritance if my former partner chose to move on. In fact I would be furious if a new partner moved in and stopped my children getting what is rightfully theirs.

He isn’t going to be homeless - what a drama lama post.

He has 20% that has increased in value and a portion of ops mums pension - and a wealthy new girlfriend, he is going to be just fine.

Just be sure to be really clear about that to any partner or spouse so they don't waste anytime nursing you if you get sick/frail/demented. They can pass you onto your kids to look after.

You can make a life interest conditional upon a certain event happening. So for example it ends should the party remarry or the beneficiaries decide between them it should be brought to an end.

I've just done it.

He's a cocklodger by any other name.

I am assuming that my partner would WANT to be with me because they loved me, NOT because they want to be rewarded by a house for life that belongs to my grieving children.

Precisely!

Is he? How have you arrived at that conclusion when no one knows what is in the will. He could own the whole house for all we know!

It’s a very short marriage as well, it’s not like he raised op and her sibling. He has already benefited handsomely in my view.

The fact the mothers illness was short doesn't take away from the fact that he cared for her. My partner died 2 months after diagnosis, and I promise you, caring for him and watching him deteriorate so quickly was devastating, and has left me with many mental scars I won't go into here. You have no idea what the SD did for the mum, what he gave up, or how he suffered, but given that the OP was abroad I would imagine she doesn't either.
Amd you are judging him. You are presuming that him having a new gf means he isn't grieving. I promise you that is highly unlikely.

He has had the benefit of living in ops mums house for 18 month to recover. He has now sufficiently recovered enough to enjoy a new relationship of many months, has removed all photos and his wedding ring. Suffice to say he seems to have bounced back incredibly well all things considered, and probably needs to move on now and sell the house.

And many don’t have to.

This isn’t about moving because he needs to downsize

He owns 20% of the property. This fact seems to have passed many folks by. This is not a case of grace and favour here.

Even if OP's mother's will does not grant the husband the right to live in the property till death he still owns 20% of it and as such if he refuses to sell it it would still require going to court over.

OP, you don't need to wait until the new year to obtain a copy of the will or wait until you have spoken to a solicitor.

Once probate has been granted, a will becomes a public document which anyone can obtain online or by post for a very small fee.

Go here to complete the forms. Some of the questions are optional, for example, you don't need to know or complete the fields for the date on which probate was granted.

https://probatesearch.service.gov.uk

https://probatesearch.service.gov.uk/#page-heading-anchor

Search probate records or find a will

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It took less than a minute to identify my late mother's probate and will (though as one of the executors for her estate, I have these documents).

The only information I needed to provide to bring up the listing for her will was her name, the month and year in which she died and a key word (for example, I entered the name of the town she lived in).

I would recommend that you obtain a copy of the will so that you can study the wording before you speak to a solicitor (who won't be able to properly advise you until they have seen or obtained a copy of the will, themselves.)

Is your brother also without a copy of the will?

Who were the executors and have you received any communications from them since May 2022?

If you and/or your brother were named in the will as a "residuary beneficiary", the executors should have written to you when the estate was wound up enclosing a copy of the estate accounts.

I don't understand why you appear to have so little knowledge about the content of the will.

It’s a very small percentage, yes.

@LonelynSad my adult children should be self sufficient by now (all over 30) and not be relying on my money/property when I die. I’m providing a continuing home for my husband (2nd marriage) for as long as he lives (currently 74). My kids are managing fine without the £ now so waiting is only fair to him. They are well provided for after he goes, including adult children from his first marriage which I didn’t need to do.

We’re in a similar position. The bloke she was with (an horrible man with a very dodgy past) even got her to write a new will leaving her half of the house to him when she only had weeks to live, they weren’t married. Luckily the solicitor realised she was very unwell and being coerced and never asked her to sign it. He’ll never sell though.

OP, you are being outrageously unreasonable with regard to your judgements about your SF’s new gf.
It’s not on at all that you are using this as a reason to kick him out of his house. 18 months isn’t even a short amount of time when it comes to these things.
I totally understand that from your perspective it hurts, but that doesn’t mean your SF shouldn’t be able to move on. Sometimes these things just hurt, it doesn’t mean that anyone has done anything wrong.

With regard to the house, you are not unreasonable to want to sell and access your inheritance etc if this is something you are able to do within the terms of the will. But it entirely depends on the provisions in the will, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with your SF’s romantic life (the latter being none of your business whatsoever).

His co-ownership gives him rights and legal protections around the sale of the property. It does not matter what his percentage is. OP and her brother can't kick him out just because their mum owned more of the property. Describing him as a "cocklodger" is a misrepresentation of the situation.

They clearly need legal advice. Tenancy in common is really tricky upon death. Legal ownership of the deceased persons portion of the property doesn't automatically transfer to the beneficiary and as such OP and her brother may find they have little power to force a sale, even though they have an interest.

It costs £1.50 to get a copy of the will from .gov.uk. This should be done as a matter of urgency by OP. No need to rely on the brother, it's downloadable online as soon as you've paid the fee. I know, I just got a copy for someone else who's having IT issues.

If DSF owns 20%, perhaps OP and brother should offer to buy him out, see what he says.

But if the will says he has a lifetime interest, then there's nothing to be done until he either dies or moves out of his own accord.

I wonder, but haven't checked, if OP and DB could do an equity release to get hold of some of the money now.

Him living in the house is very unlikely to be depending him simply having a girlfriend. Getting remarried or moving in with her, might be in the will. Might not be

Op didn’t say he took all the photos down did she?

Having a girlfriend has nothing to do with his housing situation. The Op has linked them.

The Op who actually has no clue what’s in the will. She could find he owns 50% of the mums portion. Make him the majority owner.

I guess the situation is different if the 2nd relationship is relatively new or if the spouse is much younger but my DF was with my DSM for 30 years. She was an absolute rock to him over that time and the centre of his world. I’m glad he’s protected her right to stay there for her lifetime. Hopefully we wouldn’t have kicked her out of her home even if he hadn’t but it’s amazing how money can turn reasonable people unreasonable.

But if the will says he has a lifetime interest, then there's nothing to be done until he either dies or moves out of his own accord.

Unless the will also states the lifetime interest is revoked upon remarriage.

It would be very unusual to revoke lifetime interest upon entering a new relationship even if cohabiting, because it's not considered to have legal status, unlike marriage.

It depends on what is stated.