Late mum's husband has new partner - still living in mum's home

[stepparentdilemma2023]

Hi all

Bit of a backstory, my mum remarried a new guy (stepfather - SF) in 2018. They subsequently bought a house together, which mum paid about 80% and him about 20% of, that same year.

Mum sadly was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died relatively quickly in May 2022. SF received a third of her pension in the will, which already raised eyebrows among me and my brother (mum's only children), but mum's investment into the house was protected, so we still own her share.

Since mum died, SF has continued living in the house, which has increased in value quite dramatically since 2018. He has had one of his adult children, who is a bit of a tearaway, living there on off (in life, the adult child was not allowed to stay at the house by my mum as he had been involved in drug debt and had had a brick put through the window of his own mother's house, as well as being briefly kidnapped (!!) to pay off the debt).

We have maintained generally cordial relations with SF, and had arranged via WhatsApp to see him this Christmas when my brother noticed his WhatsApp picture was a photo of him and a new woman. When we eventually did go for our Christmas meetup yesterday at the house, his wedding ring was off, several photographs of mum had been taken down, and he confessed he had been seeing a new woman for a number of months.

Brother is very disappointed as previously SF had gone on about how mum was his soulmate, he'd never love another, etc... only to enter a relationship with someone new in just over a year.

I'm not sure how I feel, because I was never as close to SF in the first place, but I do know I think my mum would've been quite upset at how quickly (in the grand scheme of things) this had all come about.

FWIW, the new woman lives independently to him (as far as we know), is apparently quite wealthy (he's landed on his feet again!) and has two children of her own.

AIBU to now think that if SF has moved on with his life to the extent he is comfortable enough to take off his wedding ring and meet a new woman, that it is time we take back the house and sell?

My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.

Sorry it was a long one!

Rtwt

You cannot sell a house unless everyone who owns that house agrees to sell.

He owns and paid for 20% of that property. He is entitled to remain living there.

OP and her DB can sell their 80% but they won't find anyone to buy it. You are not buying a property with a tenant. You are buying part of a property that someone else owns and lives in.

Your mum has been gone 18 months and you don't know what the will says?

As for him moving on. It is absolutely none of anyone's business how long he waits before he moves on. Until you have been the one where, once you shut that door every night, there's nobody, you do not get to decide when it's the right time to move on. Take it from someone who has been there.

As for your finances and your brother's wedding, how would you have funded these had your mum not passed away? Would you have asked her for help or stood on your own two feet?

A will is a public document once probate has been granted. But you shouldn't need to look it up. The executor has a duty to inform the beneficiaries how the will affects them. If this was your brother he should know. If this was the solicitor, they should tell you. This is what the estate pays for.

18 months to move on seems reasonable to me.

SF’s son seems dodgy, obviously. This complicates matters.

Time for a chat.

Sorry, but I don't think 18 months is too short a time for him to be moving on. It sounds as though he was a lovely husband and support to your DM, but she is no longer around and he is entitled to move on with his life. Whether six months or six years have passed makes no difference.

I'm afraid you and your brother don't come across well - wanting to punish your SF for having found love after grief is not a good look.

The majority is owned by op and her db, unless it states in the will sf can stay to the end of his life, that is a different matter entirely - of course he is welcome to buy them out or sell up otherwise. As would be the case in any probate that is split three ways it’s not remotely unreasonable to sell up after a grace period. Anything over 12 months is generous and kind of op and her family, and I am sure your sf will be expecting this conversation op, I hope it goes well.

Oh God, now that is too soon. I'm sorry for your loss

The OP mentioned earlier that the house was jointly owned (not sure they are aware of the difference between joint tenants and tenants in common).

If it was joint tenants there is no share to be left in the will / the house will belong to the survivor 100% and anything stipulated in the will in this regard will be ignored.

Whenever I hear that convenient 'happily married men move on quickly' line, I wonder whether their wives were happily married too.

This makes a massive difference and there is no point in even having the conversation until you know what the legal position is.

You wrote that they were joint owners. I hope for your sake that this is incorrect as, if not, he would now own 100% regardless of who put in what deposit.

But assuming that they were 80/20 owners in common and she left her 80% share to you and your brother then I agree that it is definitely not too soon to have this conversation and talk about putting the house on the market in the new year if probate has now been granted.

Ah yes this!
But OP did say the share was protected

The OP and her brother didn't buy the house. They think their mum left them a proportion of her share. But the OP hasn't seen the will or been contacted by whoever is dealing/dealt with the estate, so I doubt they are actually entitled to anything until the SD passes, or possibly sells depending on what is actually in the will.

If the house has increased in value since the probate was granted there will also be capital gains tax to pay

However difficult it is for an adult child when a parent dies it is worse for someone to lose a partner. They are the ones suddenly left alone in the house.

OP might have gained more sympathy if she hadn't made the comment about her and her brother raising their eyes when SF received a third of their DM's pension. Why shouldn't he - they are lucky he didn't get it all.

Like others I can't understand why OP doesn't actually seem to know the terms of her DM's will. My DF and DSM bought a house in a similar fashion to OP's situation, and the surviving partner was able to stay in the house until their death if they wished to - and I knew that long before my SM died.

Well that's where we are going to have to agree to disagree.

When my husband and I had wills drawn up last year, our solicitor obtained a copy of the land registry document that confirms whether our house is owned as joint tenants or tenants in common. Our house sits outside the will because on the death of a spouse, ownership automatically transfers to the surviving spouse - as messybutfun has set out above.

If the OP's late mother's will was drawn up professionally, I assume this would also have been checked while the will was being drafted?

Hopefully, OP will come back to the thread and confirm who drew up the will, whether she now has a copy of the will, who the executors were etc.

@stepparentdilemma2023

At this point you should do or say nothing until you and your DB have seen the will and sought legal advice if the will isn't crystal clear as to your mum's wishes for her 80%. You'd look foolish if you told your SF that you wanted to sell/be bought out only to find out that he has a life interest/life estate in the house and that he can remain there until he dies or voluntarily gives up residence.

I think your mum was a bit shortsighted. When my widowed aunt remarried she and her husband to be (a widower) consulted separate attorneys and had an iron-clad prenup made including separate holding of assets to be willed each to their own children and, since they were living in her home, a life estate for him that would end if he cohabited, married, or died. It also specified that any money he contributed or used for improvements did NOT convey a financial interest in the house, but were 'gifts'. Then they made sure that ALL their children had copies so they knew exactly 'what's what'. Your mother should have done that for you. 'Luckily' for my cousins he predeceased her so the house when to them when their mother died so the life estate issue never arose.

The "he's landed on his feet again!" snidey comment lost all my sympathy.

I'm sorry for your loss and I am also sorry for the OP's loss. I don't think there's a hierarchy of losses - but don't you see what a shock it must be for her and her brother? I don't imagine they are thinking about it rationally.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to now want to close the chapter out? It's not like they are chucking him out in the street or anything? Frankly I'm surprised they haven't looked into the implications of the will way before now.

It's a fact isn't it - his late wife was clearly also better off financially than he was too?

It's just not a very nice expression
I would hate anyone to say that about my husband. I'm financially better off than him and i would be horrified if someone said that

😂😂 You're happy to ignore other facts though.

But thats the point. They only want him out because he has dared to move on. It's revenge because they are judging the way he felt about their mother based on something that (unless they have lost a spouse) they have no way of understanding. And that is a crappy way to treat the man their mother loved.

What OP actually said is “My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.”

18 months is reasonable.

I do find it incredulous though that if you believe you have a share of the property you've not found out the details of the will in 18 months.