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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find being a working mum sometimes really tough

77 replies

Maybaby12 · 28/12/2023 20:06

I work full time and have a 19 month old.

I have been really unlucky, and maybe it's more common than I think but for the last year I've had bug after bug since my child started nursery. On second cold of the month with a hacking cough and sore throat. Had bloods done and there's nothing else going on, just catching it all

She is also not sleeping well the last month, I don't know what the hell has happened but she's waking multiple times a night and it's been awful.

I'm absolutely shattered. I work full time, and I'm on my knees with illnesses, no sleep. DH helps a bit but I feel I carry more of the load.

I'm finding work really hard, and eventually I would like to to progress at work but I don't know how I'll ever manage to do that with being ill all the time.

Is feeling this tired normal? Did you have to just plod along at work until they get older?

I don't recognise myself anymore, and it's getting me down.

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 28/12/2023 20:09

It’s really hard. And yes, I guess the answer is to plod along and/or see if you can reduce your hours/change jobs etc. And DH needs to do more.

I’m increasingly of the view - and I don’t know if I’ll get flamed for this - that we’re all in this terrible position where raising a child and running a house is supposed to be done around the edges of a full time job, and it’s not meant to be this way.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 28/12/2023 20:09

Ride it out. It gets better I promise

runwithme · 28/12/2023 20:11

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 28/12/2023 20:09

Ride it out. It gets better I promise

Absolutely this. Its so, so hard, but its not forever.

Passingthethyme · 28/12/2023 20:12

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Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 20:13

Oh this is the worst time. Very normal but living it is hell. All I can say is that it does get better. In the meantime lots of vitamins, and lots of hand washing reduces the illnesses a little.

Strawberrylacess · 28/12/2023 20:13

Sympathies OP.

I have two 4 and under, it's been relentless this winter.

I haven't felt normal in over 2 months, have had a hospital trip in that time too where it revealed I had fractured ribs from the severe coughing that accompanied my chest infection.

When you have kids, you can't really be ill - well no, you can but you can't really rest and recover properly, no choice but to carry on.

Throw in trying to balance a full time job and it is really hard.

Even without illness, juggling children and a full time job is stressful.

switswoo81 · 28/12/2023 20:14

Yanbu it is so bloody hard. Especially when they are little and sick. I find there's never a minute to catch your breath. At the weekend it's laundry the supermarket shop and cleaning.
It definitely gets easier as they get older but then other issues arise because you must do playdates at the weekend due to work during the week.
So no you are not being unreasonable !

headcheffer · 28/12/2023 20:15

Yes it's really really hard. I'm just back to work after my second and remembering just how exhausting this phase is with the constant illness and lack of sleep etc. It does get better. This time around I've tried to maximise my sleep so baby sleeps in her cot in my room so if she wakes i can just pull her into my bed, and I also go to bed very early. It means I barely see my DH though, but it's not forever. We spend most of Sunday getting ready for the week ahead - shopping arrives, meal plan written, bags backed, a week of nursery clothes put in a crate with hairbrush/toothbrush etc so I can get them ready downstairs etc morning while DH gets the upstairs rooms tidied etc.

It really doesn't last forever, but it's very hard!!!

Askforwisdom · 28/12/2023 20:15

I've 3 young kids and work full time. I'm on my knees.

JulieLew · 28/12/2023 20:16

19-24 months was the worst time when my DD was little. Just non stop. I was so run down and exhausted. It got better and better every year. Now she's six and such a delight, I'm well rested and thriving (and powering up!) at work. This is a temporary glitch Flowers

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 28/12/2023 20:20

since my son has started nursery this year I have had 4 absences. I could have probably done with another 3 but couldn't bare to call in sick again. I'm finding it incredibly embarrassing and I feel like the illnesses are prolonged because I'm working on top of it.

Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 20:21

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I'd imagine a fair few cave babies were kept in a communal cave when their mum's went off to kill some mammoth.

VivaVivaa · 28/12/2023 20:24

This autumn/winter has been absolutely horrendous for us for bugs. We’ve had nothing even close to this in nearly 3 years of childcare. I’m on maternity leave with my second and I’m absolutely dreading life until the spring after he turns 2. It eased off significantly for us with DS1 then (apart from the last 3 months!!)

Unescorted · 28/12/2023 20:24

The first bit is the worst.... All the kids bring their bugs to school and share. Then they bring them home to those who care. It will get better as your and your kids immune system get better... In a few years you will be the employee that is never ill because you have had everything already. Don't be guilted into feeling bad about others picking up work for you. Next time it will be you doing more than your share.

The other part is housekeeping standards. It is perfectly acceptable to throw the dirty washing and abandoned toys in a room and close the door. Clean only those parts a reasonable guest will visit. There are weeks here where only the hall gets a half hearted vacuum. Machine washable knitwear makes perfect office wear because it doesn't need ironing. Ready meals in the freezer for those days when the wheels come off.

Nobody can do it all... If anyone is passing comment consider them a volunteer.

JuniperAndTonic · 28/12/2023 20:25

I could have written your post! I have a 15 month old, the illnesses have been relentless - I’ve just gone down with yet another cold and hacking cough, little one has the same and is also teething again and sleep is all over the place - meanwhile I’m trying to hold down a full time job! Just riding it out and hoping it all improves soon. Solidarity!!

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 28/12/2023 20:25

God yeah, I remember those days, it is such a shit time but honestly it really does get better. I love working but def agree that life isn’t supposed to be this way - parenting like we don’t have jobs and working like we aren’t parents.

Mine are 10 and 7 now and they still catch things but they are rarely up in the night and can be put on the couch with Netflix while I work from home when they are ill

Hang in there OP.

Motheranddaughter · 28/12/2023 20:31

It can be very difficult ,but does improve
I would never have given up my career ,or wanted to be dependent on DH ,so just keep going
Came through it

Electio7899 · 28/12/2023 20:32

You can take unpaid leave for spending time with family, mine were ft at nursery and that means they are coming into contact with many kids, many bugs. I remember crying on the phone to my DM on the way to pick my dd up with yet another bug…I wish now I’d been able to enjoy it a bit more, it wasn’t very enjoyable.

Marshmallowpop · 28/12/2023 20:33

It gets better when they’re at school. I don’t think anyone understands how hard it is if they’ve not been in that position.

CuteCillian · 28/12/2023 20:35

Presumably DH is getting the bugs as well? He certainly should be doing 50% of the night time wakes as you are both full time. Don't let your career (or your colleagues) suffer when another adult is able to support you.

SiennaMillar · 28/12/2023 20:36

I’m sorry OP, it sounds terribly difficult. I don’t understand how you, and millions of women like you, cope. I am only out the house 8am - 4pm, term time only, so I’m practically part time, and I’ve hired a nanny instead of nursery, so we’ve avoided all the illnesses. The nanny does all the laundry and dishwasher, too. I honestly don’t know how I’d cope with longer hours and no helper. Could you look at different childcare, or changing your hours, just in the short term, til LO is at school maybe?

biedronka6 · 28/12/2023 20:36

You are not being unreasonable at all.

It's my unpopular opinion that two parents working full-time is simply not compatible with having pre-school aged children. I just don't think it's humanly possible to be healthy, well-rested and thriving while working 9-5 then doing all the household chores in the little time you have free, and somehow fit in quality time as a family.

The problem is, our society isn't set up to easily make it possible for one parent to stay at home. It can take really radical, difficult adjustments, like downsizing your house and switching nice holidays for camping, to make it possible. But I do personally believe that being happier and healthier in the day to day makes these changes worth it...

Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 20:43

biedronka6 · 28/12/2023 20:36

You are not being unreasonable at all.

It's my unpopular opinion that two parents working full-time is simply not compatible with having pre-school aged children. I just don't think it's humanly possible to be healthy, well-rested and thriving while working 9-5 then doing all the household chores in the little time you have free, and somehow fit in quality time as a family.

The problem is, our society isn't set up to easily make it possible for one parent to stay at home. It can take really radical, difficult adjustments, like downsizing your house and switching nice holidays for camping, to make it possible. But I do personally believe that being happier and healthier in the day to day makes these changes worth it...

Edited

As if camping would solve this 😂i I would avoid making any such 'radical adjustments' OP because it's not just downsizing and camping it's women giving up their careers to be financially dependent on men.

SouthLondonMum22 · 28/12/2023 20:46

It isn't easy but I couldn't be a SAHM either. I think it's worth it in the long run, especially having financial independence.

DrCoconut · 28/12/2023 20:51

It is really tough because between employer and home life none of your time is your own really. You use your "me time" to sleep or go to the dentist in peace 😫. I have to laugh when people talk about stay at home mums never being able to clock off, no mum can clock off, the kids are yours 24/7 and as a working mum you have to work as well. I run on vapour most of the time trying to juggle everything.

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