To be so upset about this?

[whatus]

I've been seeing someone for the past four months. Yesterday he broke things off and said he just doesn't feel like we are compatible. He then said he would be up for a friends with benefits situation as he enjoyed my chat and the sex. When I agreed to that (which I didn't even want but went into panic mode and wanted to keep him in my life), he has since backtracked and said he would like to just remain friends, no sex, no sexting, no pics.

Now I know rationally that he was never really interested in me in a serious way. We chatted everyday but he always kept me at arms length and wasn't too keen to see me like I was him.

But oh my god this one hurts. I've been through breakups but this one is really stinging. I keep crying. I haven't told any of my family or friends as I'm so embarrassed after such a short relationship. As he said to me actually, we were never serious. So I can't even call it a relationship. I am moping about the house crying, my little daughter is seeing this, I can't eat, I feel sick to my stomach. I keep messaging him for some sort of reassurance basically offering myself up on a plate for him.

I don't know if it's been the texting all day everyday but the thought of not having him to share my day with and chat with almost takes my breath away. I know how utterly pathetic this sounds and really did not expect this to cause me such anguish. Is this normal for such a short term relationship? How do I get rid of this horrible feeling? I'm locked in the bathroom crying my eyes out.

Sorry you’re going through this. You need to delete all his contact details from your phone, it will be hard to do this but breaking contact will be the beginning of getting over him.

Honestly. ..block him. Delete his number so you cannot text him anymore.
I know it stings but dont give him anymore if yourself. Another, better relationship is out there for you

Sometimes the end of a short relationship can hit hard because you’re mourning the loss of potential. You didn’t have time for things to get boring, annoying or dreary - you were still at the stage of imagining how good it could be and then the avenue was closed off.

If I were you I would block him, and delete his number. Short term pain for significant gain - it will only make you feel much worse to continue to be rejected. You can start to heal when you’re no longer able to keep picking at the emotional scab.

He's stringing you along. Block him and go for a clean break and try to distract yourself until you get over him.

I'm sorry, it's painful and he's strung you along in a horrible way.

I'm afraid there's nothing for it but to bite the bullet and just wipe him from your life. He's made it very clear that you can't maintain any kind of relationship with him with your self-esteem intact.

Harness your upset, let it evolve first into anger and then ultimately into cold contempt. That will eventually get you through. He's not worthy of you.

Hope you are ok! He is really not worth it. Don’t message him anymore; it won’t change anything. Baby steps to move on. Start by deleting his number and text messages so you can’t text anymore. Have you thought about online dating? You could focus on getting your profile on and seeing what comes of it. Lots of people meet their long-term partner through online dating. 💐

He's actually offered to block me to make it easier on me. Should I tell him to do that? I know I will just unblock.

Yes. He sounds vile.

Block AND delete his details
If he wanted you he would have made that clear.
Sorry but the only thing you can retain is some pride.
Block him.

No but I keep thinking maybe I'm just not worthy of him. He was great. He really was.

Delete him from everything. Tell him you want a clean break. Ask him to delete you too.

He's pulling your strings and enjoying it IMO.

How the fuck was he 'great'? He kept you at arms length, wasn't all that keen on seeing you and ultimately decided he wasn't that into you. How is that great?

He really wasn’t / isn’t. It’s only been 4 months. Please don’t keep crying in front of your daughter

Familiar story, you got love-bombed then devalued and discarded but be sure he will reel you back when he wants further narc supply so be prepated to be broken down ready for further abuse time and time again.

Get out and watch some Dr Ramini or Prof Sam Vaknin on youtube.

He just asked 'are you alright?' I replied 'no' and he said 'well talk to me'. It's as if he has no idea why I might be upset.

The failure of a short relationship can be hard because you wonder what might’ve happened had you made a decent go of it. It’s the loss of potential. The feeling that the relationship wasn’t given a chance to thrive. So don’t be annoyed with yourself for feeling disappointed and gloomy. It’s natural to feel low.

But the fact is, he wasn’t feeling strongly enough about it, and he didn’t believe that there was anything to work with. That was his decision and that’s that.

Tbh OP I think he’s offering to block you not for altruistic reasons, but because he’s tired of your texts. I’m worried that you’re going to feel foolish if you continue to message him.

Look after yourself.

@RobertaFirmino he was funny and good in bed and we had the same sense of humour. I felt like I could say anything to him.

Read your post to get some perspective OP. Dont put your dd through this. He doesn’t want you. He’ll never want you. Get rid of him. You don’t need him. Your dd certainly doesn’t need him in her life. Neither does she need to live through the trauma of her mother crying for some dead beat.

Take some time to get rid of bad rubbish, concentrate on your DD’s needs and build yourself up. You’ll meet someone suited to you when the time is right.

Please know you are now in withdrawal from the hormone high you got from this relationship. It hurts like hell but you have to go cold turkey. I promise when you do, there will be a day you look back and realise this guy is not worth the dirt off your shoe. Until that day you have to take the pain and completely cut him out of your life. There is no other way.

OP ‘good people’ do not gaslight with an ‘are you alright’ and telling you to talk to him. What a manipulator.

Just block him. Take the initiative and regain control and your self respect, He is a player and not worthy of you

OP I have not read the whole thread but I have read your first post.
I am no expert at this and I have had my fair share of negative relationships which have been ended by the other party so I do have an idea what you are going through.

I am not dating now because I cannot summon up the energy to risk a situation like you describe.

However I did see somethingon the internet recently which was like a revelation to me and it might help you too.

When you see someone you like and you start thinking "this person is amazing,perfect, so attractive to me, just wonderful" etc, stop.
The truth is the person is only those things for you if they actually make you feel like that - they make you feel amazing, wonderful, like and attractive person.

The attractiveness or otherwise of a person is dictated by how they make you feel, and not by the qualities you think they have looking at them from the outside.
This guy made you feel like shit so the reality of the situation is that he is not actually an attractive person at all. You have just told yourself he is but actually he isn't. I would do anything in my power to wipe him from my life if I was you. If that means agreeing that he should block you then ask him to do that.

He's a shit
He's now stroking his own ego and wants to hear how he's hurt you.
Get angry
Block him

Have you got one friend you could trust to tell about this? Firstly, it would help to have someone in real life who knows you to support you, but rather critically they could do all the blocking and deleting for you so you wouldn't have to have the willpower. Don't trust him to block you, he can just unblock "because he's worried about you" and just keep stringing you along.

Be kind to yourself. You know deep down you're better off without him when he clearly isn't offering what you want from him. Give yourself some time, and find something to distract yourself with. Any decorating to do at home?

This. 100%

He is enjoying your hurt reaction.