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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset about this?

56 replies

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:36

I've been seeing someone for the past four months. Yesterday he broke things off and said he just doesn't feel like we are compatible. He then said he would be up for a friends with benefits situation as he enjoyed my chat and the sex. When I agreed to that (which I didn't even want but went into panic mode and wanted to keep him in my life), he has since backtracked and said he would like to just remain friends, no sex, no sexting, no pics.

Now I know rationally that he was never really interested in me in a serious way. We chatted everyday but he always kept me at arms length and wasn't too keen to see me like I was him.

But oh my god this one hurts. I've been through breakups but this one is really stinging. I keep crying. I haven't told any of my family or friends as I'm so embarrassed after such a short relationship. As he said to me actually, we were never serious. So I can't even call it a relationship. I am moping about the house crying, my little daughter is seeing this, I can't eat, I feel sick to my stomach. I keep messaging him for some sort of reassurance basically offering myself up on a plate for him.

I don't know if it's been the texting all day everyday but the thought of not having him to share my day with and chat with almost takes my breath away. I know how utterly pathetic this sounds and really did not expect this to cause me such anguish. Is this normal for such a short term relationship? How do I get rid of this horrible feeling? I'm locked in the bathroom crying my eyes out.

OP posts:
Sunnydays0101 · 28/12/2023 18:21

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:54

He just asked 'are you alright?' I replied 'no' and he said 'well talk to me'. It's as if he has no idea why I might be upset.

Stop messaging him. Don’t block him - DELETE his details from everything. You are only prolonging the agony by keeping in contact. Delete now, have a good cry, have an early night and tomorrow won’t be as bad as today.

WoksAway · 28/12/2023 18:26

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:54

He just asked 'are you alright?' I replied 'no' and he said 'well talk to me'. It's as if he has no idea why I might be upset.

Oh op, he just wants you to feed his ego.
Please stop contacting him, you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt whilst ever you're still in contact.
How will you react if he starts seeing someone else? You will be cut to the core.
Take everyone else's advice, block him and delete his details.
Don't be the puppet on his string.
Take a deep breath, dry those eyes and tell yourself that you're worth much more, because you are.

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2023 18:27

Block and delete his contact, why are you torturing yourself?

Muchof · 28/12/2023 18:28

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:46

No but I keep thinking maybe I'm just not worthy of him. He was great. He really was.

Show quote history

No he really wasn't great and you will realise that in due course. I feel it was pretty vile to ask you to go from a relationship (of sorts) to a FWB situation. A decent man doesn't do that.

Short relationships can hurt too. My last one prior to meeting my husband was eight months and I was devastated but I do think, now, that it was partly due to the loss of potential. I remember missing his messages during the day, which you have alluded to, but honestly, you will quickly get used to that.

You do need to go no contact now, whether he blocks or you do or you should go no contact. Surround yourself with your family and friends instead, keep busy, treat yourself. This will pass.

BetsyBobbins · 28/12/2023 18:30

Have some dignity and stop "offering yourself on a plate" to him. Most importantly, prioritise your child and stop crying in front of her because of a man, is that the example you want to give her?

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 18:30

He`s done you a favour you cant see it yet but you will.
you sound very young and dont offer your self on a plate coz he will no he can come right back if the OW dont want him.

And lets hope his next fling gives him crabs and gonorrhea.

madroid · 28/12/2023 18:30

Is that all it takes? A good shag and a laugh?

You are a mother. You need and deserve respect, kindness, loyalty, consideration and decency.

You DO NOT need the faux compassion of a man enjoying an ego boost at your expense.

Deep breath, chin up, stop crying and delete all his contact details.

You will meet a man that earns your respect and love and values you and your dd.

Terrribletwos · 28/12/2023 18:33

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:36

I've been seeing someone for the past four months. Yesterday he broke things off and said he just doesn't feel like we are compatible. He then said he would be up for a friends with benefits situation as he enjoyed my chat and the sex. When I agreed to that (which I didn't even want but went into panic mode and wanted to keep him in my life), he has since backtracked and said he would like to just remain friends, no sex, no sexting, no pics.

Now I know rationally that he was never really interested in me in a serious way. We chatted everyday but he always kept me at arms length and wasn't too keen to see me like I was him.

But oh my god this one hurts. I've been through breakups but this one is really stinging. I keep crying. I haven't told any of my family or friends as I'm so embarrassed after such a short relationship. As he said to me actually, we were never serious. So I can't even call it a relationship. I am moping about the house crying, my little daughter is seeing this, I can't eat, I feel sick to my stomach. I keep messaging him for some sort of reassurance basically offering myself up on a plate for him.

I don't know if it's been the texting all day everyday but the thought of not having him to share my day with and chat with almost takes my breath away. I know how utterly pathetic this sounds and really did not expect this to cause me such anguish. Is this normal for such a short term relationship? How do I get rid of this horrible feeling? I'm locked in the bathroom crying my eyes out.

He's playing with you and he's recognised you're vulnerable. Try to be strong. This man is not all he seems to you. He's a manipulator. Don't be surprised when he reappears on the scene. You are vulnerable.

Terrribletwos · 28/12/2023 18:36

And look after your daughter. This is your priority and remind yourself every day of that. It's not fair to put some pie in the sky love relationship above the relationship you have with your daughter.

crew2022 · 28/12/2023 18:36

He's obviously not that great. As others have said block and delete him.
Move on and think about how great YOU are and that you deserve better.

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2023 18:42

@whatus

No but I keep thinking maybe I'm just not worthy of him. He was great. He really was.

He really wasn't great. He treated you like shit. You need to keep repeating that until it sticks. No one worthy of you would have treated you like that.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 28/12/2023 18:46

Anyone who tells you they don't want to be with you anymore, but are happy to carry on shagging you is not "great". He's an arsehole. See him for what he is and go and fine someone worthy of YOU.

Tel12 · 28/12/2023 18:48

He may have been great but he's not for you. Delete all details and find someone else, but don't jump in with both feet. Take things slowly and get to know any new partner first. You need to protect yourself.

Original poster
whatus · 28/12/2023 19:43

I never responded to his last message and he has no just text saying, 'I want to see you again but I think it would suit us both as a casual/fuck buddies sort of thing?'

OP posts:
Snowdogsmitten · 28/12/2023 20:02

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:44

He's actually offered to block me to make it easier on me. Should I tell him to do that? I know I will just unblock.

With this^

and this:

He then said he would be up for a friends with benefits situation as he enjoyed my chat and the sex. When I agreed to that (which I didn't even want but went into panic mode and wanted to keep him in my life)

He sounds a total cunt. 🫢

Snowdogsmitten · 28/12/2023 20:04

whatus · 28/12/2023 19:43

I never responded to his last message and he has no just text saying, 'I want to see you again but I think it would suit us both as a casual/fuck buddies sort of thing?'

Ugh. I know you’re going to take the pitiful scraps he’s offering you OP, but fucking hell, I wish you wouldn’t.

Rattai · 28/12/2023 20:06

You are just blocking yourself from meeting sometime who could actually value you and make you feel great

Mywhoopdeedoo · 28/12/2023 20:07

ffs get some self respect and dignity

DarkForces · 28/12/2023 20:09

If you say yes to this, all you're doing is delaying the pain and you'll feel used/a fool on top. Ask him to block you, it's ok to wallow/grieve for a while, completely get over him then move on. Block on your end too so he's not in control

Namerequired · 28/12/2023 20:10

As long as you’re with the wrong one, you won’t meet the right one. He’s not caring about your well being and how you are, he’s seeing how far he can push using you. And he’s telling you it straight up. Lose his number, block him and delete it.

Okitten · 28/12/2023 20:12

whatus · 28/12/2023 17:54

He just asked 'are you alright?' I replied 'no' and he said 'well talk to me'. It's as if he has no idea why I might be upset.

Honestly… this guy sounds like a narcissist. He’s totally feeding off you right now… it’s horrible and that’s why it hurts so much! If you don’t get out now you could be in this for the wee a! He’s not a good person, he’s loving this and getting total supply from you. You’ll end up a shadow of your former self, he’s a bad person.

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2023 20:15

It's hard, OP, but please try to do what you would tell your DD to do if the time comes.

Nicole1111 · 28/12/2023 20:16

So you’re good enough to have sex with but not good enough to have a relationship with? What an asshole. Don’t take his bread crumbs. Why be someone’s option when you can be someone else’s priority. Just because he can’t see your worth doesn’t mean someone else won’t. Have some pride. Tell him you’re worth more than a fuck, block and move on.

Marshmallowpop · 28/12/2023 20:24

I’m really sorry this has happened to you especially over Christmas you deserve better.

Your post makes me really cross though. You have a little daughter, yet you’re crying in front of her and obsessing over this cretin who has treated you like shit. What sort of example is this setting to her? Won’t this be ruining her Christmas?

Why are you putting this guy above your daughter after four months or any period in time? Grow up and block him.

Then, stay away from relationships until you get some self esteem back….don’t bring creeps like this into your family life. I get it must be lonely, but join a club or a meet up….don’t waste another minute on people like this.

Didimum · 28/12/2023 20:26

whatus · 28/12/2023 19:43

I never responded to his last message and he has no just text saying, 'I want to see you again but I think it would suit us both as a casual/fuck buddies sort of thing?'

OP, this utter scumbag is completely feeding off you. Why on earth are you letting someone treat you with such disgusting disrespect? Please dig deep, find your self worth and tell this fuck boy to fuck the fuck off.