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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you for a Christmas present?

86 replies

chrisntmas · 28/12/2023 14:09

I saw my parents recently and sent all the presents down with them to give to our family in the south as we spent Christmas up north this year.

I sent my brother a text on Christmas Day wishing them a happy Christmas, and let them know that our parents had my niece's present with them ready for when they met up (yesterday).

My brother and sil didn't send any presents for my two sons, they didn't acknowledge my message saying my niece's present was waiting for her, and I haven't received a thank you text.

Aibu to think this is slightly upsetting?

I will add my sil has had a tremendously AWFUL few months and for that I have sympathetic, however they have been patchy at best about sending presents for birthdays and Christmas for years now so it's not just a one off.

I don't want to get petty and stop sending my niece a present, but I don't feel it's wanted or appreciated?

OP posts:
FestiveFruitloop · 28/12/2023 20:03

stargirl1701 · 28/12/2023 19:40

I don't give gifts to children for any reason than I wish to give them. No thank you needed. I give because it is pleasurable to do so.

But presumably you'd agree that if the next generation grew up never saying thank you because no one expected them to, that wouldn't exactly be a positive development?

stargirl1701 · 28/12/2023 20:08

In person, yes. If I give a gift directly to you, you would say thank you. But, otherwise, meh! No big deal.

I do insist my own DC write thank you cards because I know this is a touchy subject for many people.

Original poster
chrisntmas · 28/12/2023 20:10

stargirl1701 · 28/12/2023 20:08

In person, yes. If I give a gift directly to you, you would say thank you. But, otherwise, meh! No big deal.

I do insist my own DC write thank you cards because I know this is a touchy subject for many people.

I say thank you for everything. Then those that think it's no big deal can ignore my thank you text, and those that appreciate manners can appreciate being thanked.

OP posts:
43ontherocksporfavor · 28/12/2023 21:04

I always thank for a gift. But will just be a verbal if they give it to me in person. Will send a text if I don’t see the gift giver.

14Q · 28/12/2023 22:49

@FestiveFruitloop
This was the bit that I read as you saying you don't always say thank you: I don't do presents or thank you's for my husbands family unless the present was for me - this suggests that you don't say thanks on your DC's behalf for presents that come from your DH's side? That just seems odd to me, unless your DC are adults.

As I said I always say thank you for gifts that I get but if my kids got kids from his family I would leave that to my husband to deal with. If I was actually there when the present was given then I'd make sure the kids said thank you.

I leave everything to do with his family to him and I do everything to do with my family.

An example would be if my DH came back from seeing his brother and his brother had given him £20 for each of the kids. I wouldn't get involved in getting the kids to say thank you. My husband would do That.

GrannyRose15 · 29/12/2023 01:59

Gifts should be freely given without any expectations. Otherwise they are not a gift but a transaction. If you give without expecting anything in return, even a Thankyou, then anything you do get comes as a pleasant surprise.

ElleEmDee · 29/12/2023 02:08

I send birthday gifts to my niece for her two small children and she’s patchy about opening and messaging a thanks. I’m stopping after I queried this year two weeks after the birthday if one had arrived and she said it had but she ‘hadn’t been bothered’ to open it yet. Needless to say that’s the last one I send.

FestiveFruitloop · 29/12/2023 10:32

GrannyRose15 · 29/12/2023 01:59

Gifts should be freely given without any expectations. Otherwise they are not a gift but a transaction. If you give without expecting anything in return, even a Thankyou, then anything you do get comes as a pleasant surprise.

But how are kids supposed to be taught manners if no thank-you is expected?

GrannyRose15 · 31/12/2023 22:55

I haven’t said you can’t send a Thankyou or encourage your children to do so simply that the donor shouldn’t expect a Thankyou. Sending a Thankyou is still a nice thing to do regardless of whether or not it is expected. In fact it’s even nicer if it is not expected.

Firawla · 31/12/2023 22:59

Yabu - don’t give if it’s going to come with expectations and judgement
they don’t send for your family,so maybe they are not even bothered about it.
they didn’t ask you to send them anything so don’t send it and then expect something in return especially if you mentioned they are going through a hard time
I personally would rather people send nothing if they are going to be waiting for a thank you in a judging manner. It’s weird.
they may not even want or like getting anything. Not everyone buys into the whole presents obligations and requirements

FestiveFruitloop · 01/01/2024 12:36

Firawla · 31/12/2023 22:59

Yabu - don’t give if it’s going to come with expectations and judgement
they don’t send for your family,so maybe they are not even bothered about it.
they didn’t ask you to send them anything so don’t send it and then expect something in return especially if you mentioned they are going through a hard time
I personally would rather people send nothing if they are going to be waiting for a thank you in a judging manner. It’s weird.
they may not even want or like getting anything. Not everyone buys into the whole presents obligations and requirements

It's not 'weird' for people to expect a thank you. It's basic common courtesy, for most people anyway.

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