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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet friend tomorrow?

57 replies

louisejaynn · 28/12/2023 14:08

I have a meal with a friend and her friend planned for tomorrow.
Once again it's at a restaurant 5 mins walk from her house and her friends
It's 2 busses and a taxi away for me.
I don't drive and we are having a couple of drinks.
We are meeting for 1.30pm so I will have to leave at around 11am
It's a 15 min walk to the first bus stop then 25 mins on that bus
Walking 10 mins to the next bus stop where I'm on that bus for around 55 mins
To then get to the city and have to take a taxi to friends house which will be around £10 each way

A taxi from mine to hers would be over £50 each way so can't afford that.
Aibu to cancel ?

OP posts:
ThequalityoftheReps · 28/12/2023 14:12

I'd be coming down with a covid type illness this afternoon if I was you.....

TheShellBeach · 28/12/2023 14:13

YANBU to cancel, but why did you agree to this in the first place?

Hermittrismegistus · 28/12/2023 14:14

YANBU to cancel but why agree to the plans in the first place?

HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 14:15

TheShellBeach · 28/12/2023 14:13

YANBU to cancel, but why did you agree to this in the first place?

This. Don’t agree to things you don’t want to do. It’s not as though your house has moved further away from the venue since you arranged the lunch!

TulipCat · 28/12/2023 14:15

I see why you would want to cancel, but surely the fairest thing would have been to meet halfway, ie one bus each to meet in the middle?

Shoxfordian · 28/12/2023 14:17

Yabu when you shouldn't have agreed to it if you didn't want to do it

Original poster
louisejaynn · 28/12/2023 14:18

I hate saying no to people
Stupidly just go along with things then reality of how I'm getting back home sets in

OP posts:
rainpleasestop · 28/12/2023 14:22

Yeah don't go weather is too nasty to be hanging around at bus stops

SamW98 · 28/12/2023 14:25

Yeo there’s a really nasty flu/cold virus going around at the moment - it would be terrible if you started coming down with that later today

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 14:25

Just say no cant make it no need to explain to anyone.
And stop being a people pleaser i did years ago best thing ever really shows who your real mates are.
See how many dead plants you have been watering.

Ginnnny · 28/12/2023 14:29

I’m bad for agreeing to things then wishing I hadn’t too!
can you change the venue to somewhere more in between you both?

mrsm43s · 28/12/2023 15:01

As a general rule, meet ups are arranged in the place most convenient for the majority and for the organiser. If one person lives far away from everyone else, it's reasonable that they should expect to do more of the travelling.

If you want a meet up in your town, then maybe you should arrange it. However it is reasonable for people to decline if it's inconvenient for them to get to, just it would have been reasonable for you to decline this upcoming meet up as it's inconvenient for you to get to.

WhateverMate · 28/12/2023 15:03

louisejaynn · 28/12/2023 14:18

I hate saying no to people
Stupidly just go along with things then reality of how I'm getting back home sets in

You're out of order then really.

Better to say no and explain why, than to accept and then blow out the day before.

You're an adult and sometimes that involves saying no.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/12/2023 15:17

YANBU to cancel The journey sounds exhausting
Personally I think your friends are thoughtless to not suggest somewhere half way but equally YABU not to speak up
Seriously learn to put your needs first in situations like this
I used to be a people pleaser too... until I turned 50!

TulipCat · 28/12/2023 16:03

Unless you say something, the other two will just assume you are OK with it and keep suggesting meeting near them as that works for them.

1983Louise · 28/12/2023 16:05

I'd come down with something, D+V is a favourite, nobody will want to see you with this. You must learn to say no or at least speak up with another option if the first one doesn't suit.

Thementalloadisreal · 28/12/2023 16:06

“I’d love to see you, can we meet somewhere halfway like X or Y?”
Next time

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 16:08

I would cancel, but in future don't agree to plans that are obviously not going to be convenient for you.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 28/12/2023 16:10

I would not have agreed to this plan to start with. Cancel if you don't want to go but think about whether it's best to just decline plans like this to start with.

I had a friend who always arranged everything to suit her, and as time went on I saw that she really wasn't that bothered if I cancelled, and certainly didn't want to make plans that occasionally suited me better. We're no longer friends and I don't miss her one little bit.

blackpanth · 28/12/2023 16:12

Yanbu

Okitten · 28/12/2023 16:26

WhateverMate · 28/12/2023 15:03

You're out of order then really.

Better to say no and explain why, than to accept and then blow out the day before.

You're an adult and sometimes that involves saying no.

Show quote history

But we’re not all perfect and we all have things we’re struggling with and working through. There are millions of people who find it really hard to say no, it doesn’t mean they’re not adults. We’re all a work in progress:

alwaysmovingforwards · 28/12/2023 17:01

louisejaynn · 28/12/2023 14:18

I hate saying no to people
Stupidly just go along with things then reality of how I'm getting back home sets in

Please don't take offence, but are you an adult ie over 18?

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 17:03

I’d text and suggest a half way place first, your friend will probably say no and then I’d text and say buses are running on a Christmas schedule so you can’t get two buses, do a walk and get a taxi.

WhateverMate · 28/12/2023 17:22

Okitten · 28/12/2023 16:26

But we’re not all perfect and we all have things we’re struggling with and working through. There are millions of people who find it really hard to say no, it doesn’t mean they’re not adults. We’re all a work in progress:

Show quote history

That's a bit of a fluffy pink cloud statement right there.

"No, that's too far for me to travel. Let's meet a bit nearer".

Nothing to do with being 'perfect' or a work in progress, it's just being a grown up.

margotrose · 28/12/2023 17:24

The time to say "no" was when it was arranged, really, not less than 24 hours before you're due to meet up.