To not want to meet friend tomorrow?

[louisejaynn]

I have a meal with a friend and her friend planned for tomorrow.
Once again it's at a restaurant 5 mins walk from her house and her friends
It's 2 busses and a taxi away for me.
I don't drive and we are having a couple of drinks.
We are meeting for 1.30pm so I will have to leave at around 11am
It's a 15 min walk to the first bus stop then 25 mins on that bus
Walking 10 mins to the next bus stop where I'm on that bus for around 55 mins
To then get to the city and have to take a taxi to friends house which will be around £10 each way

A taxi from mine to hers would be over £50 each way so can't afford that.
Aibu to cancel ?

Well just don't go along with agreeing to meet up at X place. Suggest somewhere else. Simple really.

Why can't grown adults speak up for themselves to their friends I never understand

Have you posted about her before? Is she the friend who wouldn’t give you a lift home last time, even after she promised?

Text her now:

’Hi friend, I’ve been thinking about lunch tomorrow, and I really don’t want to do the 2.5 hour journey by bus and taxi, so I’m going to sit this one out. Happy to meet halfway next time, as a 5 hour round trip is just too much. Hope you have a great time.’

I really do not understand how grown adults can function on a daily basis with posts like this.

In future just say it is too far and suggest to meet somewhere else.
It is not difficult.

You need to work on not agreeing to things which are highly inconvenient to you. On this occasion - I would be truthful - sorry I am not coming - it is going to be a nightmare to get there and back and I didn't properly think it through when I agreed. Hope you and X have a good night and hopefully see you soon somewhere a bit more central to us both.

This

Have you posted about this before?

This is a poor excuse, if you can manage to cancel last minute then you can manage to say no or at least suggest another venue. Cancelling at the last minute is really poor form imo

Going forward suggest you meet up half way. If they refuse you can decide whether it's a friendship worth pursuing.

Well I guess at least you've learned. That does sound like too much of a journey so cancel but also tell her you were stupid for accepting when it's just too far for you.

Update-ended up going but I got a Uber both ways
Spent £65 ish
Arrived for 1.30 and one friend brought her son
The other had food and wanted to go home and said "oh I'm too tired to stay out "
I had went all that way spent £65 on taxis and was home for 4pm
I was so annoyed

cancel and ask to meet half way next time.

From that update it’s hassle for all and no one is really that bothered.

Make 2024 the year you start saying no op.

Stop being a doormat in the future. If you don't want to go, then just say so when you're asked.

Wow!
Well you have a definite reason for saying no next time!
That was crappy of them and should give you the resolve to refuse in future

You live too far away for these kind of quick meet ups. Just do something with your friend somewhere central and for more than a quick drink.

I can't imagine why you said yes to tagging along with her and her other mate to start with

To be fair, it's your own fault.

You should have said No in the first place but having said Yes you should have excused yourself

Saying you're a bit short of money after Christmas would have done.

New Year's Resolution: Don't do things you don't want to do because you're too scared to say No

Be annoyed with yourself too.
While you learn how to say no to people, start by saying "I'm not sure what I've got on, I'll check and get back to you in a couple of hours" or "let me check the route/timings and get back to you"
Basically, anything that gives you a bit of thinking time.

Then with the people pleasing auto-yes response dodged you can actually decide if you want to go or not

Then you can message it's too far/expensive for me, sorry. I'd be up for a night out in X town, let me know if you ever fancy that and we'll sort something out.

Work your way up to saying no straight out.

If the meet up was for a meal starting at 1.30pm, home for 4pm sounds reasonable? Normally a meal meet up (especially at lunch time) would be a couple of hours.
I think the only person you should be annoyed at is yourself for signing up to do stuff that doesn’t work for you..

Id txt to say that its too far and it will cost too much.
Suggest somewhere halfway, If they wont then you dont go,
Have you met them at this venue before?
I have friend who only wants to meet me at a place 10 mins from her, I have to take a train journey to get there, The solution was that conveniently is was near my chiropractor so i meet her on the days i have a appointment,

You spent £65 on taxis but were only out for about 2 hours?? More money than sense.

This. Sounds like a good New Year’s resolution to work on being more assertive. Is there no one more central for you all to meet next time

Frankly, I think you're mad to spend £65 on taxis to have lunch with a friend! More fool you 🤷‍♀️

Agree with everyone else.

YANBU to not want to do that again.
Y would have been U to agree to do it then just cancel.

If these are friends you want to see, then talk to them. Tell them that it isn't realistic for you to do the journey on public transport or for you to afford Uber more than occasionally. Decide how to make it work (meet somewhere in between / invite them to your area) or decide that the time you spend together isn't worth what it costs you (in time or money). Although of course remember that it isn't anyone else's responsibility that you don't drive.

Next time, you need to tell them that continually booking a venue that’s not a half way point (or even a 2/3 point which would be fair given that they all live near the same place) isn’t working for you. State the facts - you spent £65 on cabs to meet them for a quick meet up and it’s just not viable for you to keep doing that. If they won’t compromise at all, then you’ll need to say that unfortunately the location means you can’t make it.