To think that 6yo should not be playing on the street unsupervised?!

[raspberryjuiceandpompoms]

I have this long standing argument with my family who feel that I’m a helicopter parent. Apparently I should let my 6yo DS go play outside on his own in streets of our village as he’s on technology a lot otherwise. Apparently my family members did it and they turned out fine. I always say that it’s a survivor’s mistake and that he will be allowed to go out to play when he’s older (more like 10). But apparently I’m hindering his development and infantilising him. Just had another argument and I’m furious. But thinking maybe I AM wrong? I do tend to be weary of people taking him (for play dates for example, only if I know the parents, no sleepovers yet etc.) He can make himself a sandwich or cereal unsupervised but apparently I worry too much about his safety and that is why he cannot even make himself an omelette (like even why?!?).

Yes he should be allowed to play out.

You can’t wrap him in cotton wool

He’ll be missing out on fun with friends and won’t thank you when he’s older

He can play out, you just need to supervise him.
I live in a quite private cul-de-sac and all the kids from the houses play out, including my 6 and 8 year old. There's always eyes on them from various windows.

@AhBiscuits thats how this argument started. I said it’s a shame that we don’t live in a quiet cul-de-sac because then I would have had no trouble letting him play as long as I can see him out of the window. We live about 5 min walk from his nearest friends house.

As a 10-year-old growing up on a council estate loads of kids used to play around together unsupervised including 5 and 6 year olds. This was in the early 1990s. I think its too dangerous now sadly. There was so much more freedom when I was growing up.

Then they must be idiots! Of course you need to be in control of a 6 year old outside the house? It sounds as though they've read that 'control' is a bad thing and it hasn't occurred to them that it all depends upon the context 🙄

@chewsandwhine even if I don’t see him? As in we don’t live in a cul-de-sac or quarters. He’d be either cycling to his friends house or potentially playing in the woods?

Sounds fine so.

If he's outside that long what's the point being made by your family?

(Re TV / tech, I regard it separately ... I don't have much problem with TV watching but tech I have always limited strictly as I do feel it negatively impacts behaviour & brains!)

@EarringsandLipstick i guess the point is that he constantly needs my involvement or supervision and according to my family he is old enough to look after himself, make his own mistakes, learn for the environment and find outlets for his boredom 🤷🏻‍♀️
i think what they see is (especially this week when they are around) that he whinges a lot and doesn’t really play by himself. But the thing is - my attention is also taken as I can’t not cook, not clean and not entertain when we have guests.

I live in a cul de sac in London and the kids play out unsupervised every day apart from when it's cold and wet. I feel incredibly lucky to live somewhere where they can have this much freedom and outside play. When my son and one of the other kids were younger me and the other parent would take it in turns to supervise but since they were 4 or so they've often been unsupervised, with us checking on them out the windows every now and again. There are a range of ages among the kids, everyone knows everyone, they're in and out of each other's houses and if something happens a parent is quickly alerted.

I think 6 is very young to be outside alone. Also, it very much depends on your child too. Some children have more awareness of traffic and hazards and others are still entirely dependent on adults for this.

Also, there are so many factors to consider. Do you live on a through road, directly in view of a park, rurally...?! So many variables. Depending on where you live there are different dangers. Are you next to a huge body of water, train track, farms with heavy machinery?!

I know people with children who are very lucky and live in view of the village green and playground. They also just have a residential road with speed bumps all along it and nice wide pavements. This is not the case for a lot of people!!

I personally wouldn't be letting mine out as I wouldn't be able to see them, a lot of traffic, crap visibility to cross with no crossings and long walk to playground. The list goes on! I do wish I could let them out to play freely but where we live it wouldn't be safe at all.

I absolutely wouldn't be pressured by other family members to do something I'm not comfortable with. Do they criticise your parenting a lot?

@Msmbc sounds like my ideal living situation! You’re very lucky ☺️

It's a generational divide, surely? Are your family members older? Because even just over a generation ago, 6 year olds would be out playing from dawn to dusk with friends, back when hungry, latchkey kids. But these days the communities have changed thanks to Thatcher destroying them])) not to get political , neighbours don't know each other, no-one lets their kids out so there aren't any kids to play with, and most importantly traffic is horrendous. It's a different world, sadly, and you are not being unreasonable.

Me too. Apparently they all have some kind of tracker watch 🤨

This may have acceptable once upon a time. It is not acceptable today. Children are much safer than previous generation because they are better supervised. A 6 year old should not be left unsupervised - that be risking a social services referral.

Unless you live in a genuinely high risk area, I think YABU.

There's a lot of interesting articles about perception of risk and how that influences parenting decisions. There's also lots of interesting books about the value of free play for children's development, which includes them being bored instead of having helicopter parents playing with them and entertaining them.

I'd be happier with my DC playing out with their friends in an age-appropriate way, learning to be bored, creating their own games and worlds than I would having them sleepover at someone else's house. Children don't learn to be bored and create imaginative play if we're hovering over them all the time.

@Doublebiscuit77 it's the traffic that really, really puts me off. People not adhering to speed limits and the parking all over the pavements. We have a LOT of lorries on our road too to add to the hazards.

@LolaSmiles what's a high risk area to you?

Ah ok.

Yes, he needs to play himself. But equally I can see that gets boring for a 6 yo.

If his pals are 5 min away I'd be texting the mum & asking for Bobby to call around but then I'd leave them to it in the garden. Check in every so often.

I agree with you he can't just be let out on the road to head to his pals 5 mins away or into a forest!

And can't these relatives take him out? That seems like a good solution 😀

Nope.

I have a 6 and 8 year old and even the 8 year old isn't allowed out to play out on his own (garden is fine for both of them, it's completely enclosed). I have let the two of them out together to go 'round the block' but we live on a small new build estate so they are pretty much in sight at all times.

We bought older DS a GPS watch for Christmas in preparation for loosening the apron strings a bit, he'll be 9 next year, but I'm still anxious about him going out.

I don't really care if people think I'm over cautious, he's not their son. Same for you OP, and six is far too young anyway.

he’s allowed 2.5 hours of technology a day.

That's loads.

There's a middle ground between letting him roam unsupervised and him being on a screen all day.

At 6 you should be able to leave him playing lego or brio train tracks, doing hama beads, drawing/colouring etc and not have to play with him continuously

Def To young to play in streets alone

My dd is almost 7. Some of her friends do. I'm a firm no

Happy for have friends round. Yesterday we had a school friend round 10 to almost 5

They played so nicely with toys. Old and new

had maybe 30m watching tv chilling

Otherwise doctors. Unicorns. Colouring. music. Reading. Playing

Equally if nice weather she will go out in garden

Your 6yr needs to learn to play by his self with his toys

If you just don't provide technology and send him off to play, he will be bored at first but will eventually find a way to amuse himself. If he grumbles just ignore it or he'll never learn.

If your family want him to get off technology why don’t they actually just play with him rather than just turf him outside?!

If your family want him to get off technology why don’t they actually just play with him rather than just turf him outside?!

Children shouldn't need to be constantly played with/entertained by grown ups. Maybe they think at his age he needs to learn to amuse himself some of the time by himself.