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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have snapped at BIL

58 replies

RosesSmellLikePoo · 28/12/2023 06:57

Went to MIL’s Boxing Day for family get together. BIL was playing practical jokes on people and at one point did something to MIL and then ran up to me and started “hiding” behind me but he grabbed my jumper on my back and was pulling me around like a human shield. This was a new jumper, first time I’d worn it and he was stretching it and pulling me around. I’m claustrophobic and absolutely hate being pushed and pulled around - everyone was laughing so I tried to remain civil - smiled and just shrugged him off but I was getting so irritated. He moved onto someone else but 5 minutes later I was coming out of the kitchen with a drink and he was “hiding” from someone else - grabbed me and tried to pull me in front of him. This caused me to stumble against the door frame, I caught my elbow on the door handle and spilt some of my drink. I lost it and snapped at him “will you stop knocking me and pulling me around?!”. SIL heard and raised an eyebrow at me, BIL apologised and said “sorry, was just playing with the kids” then I realised it was the kids he was “hiding” from. Kids looked at me all worried as if they were all in trouble 🤦‍♀️ I felt so guilty so laughed and said “no I know you didn’t mean any harm, I just don’t like being pushed about, what have you done to the kids?” And laughed again. BIL said “it’s ok” and walked off. Everyone was really funny with me after that and I felt like shit and just wanted to go home. WIBU to have snapped? I don’t like being touched, I especially don’t like being pushed and pulled around!!

OP posts:
RowanMayfair · 28/12/2023 06:58

YANBU! He was being a dick

Jifmicroliquid · 28/12/2023 07:00

YANBU at all. I would absolutely hate that.
How old is he??

Original poster
RosesSmellLikePoo · 28/12/2023 07:02

Jifmicroliquid · 28/12/2023 07:00

YANBU at all. I would absolutely hate that.
How old is he??

He’s 24

OP posts:
curtaintwitcher78 · 28/12/2023 07:02

YANBU. Norman Wisdom needs to wind his neck in, and so does everyone else letting him think he's hilarious.

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 28/12/2023 07:08

I would HATE this. My three year old
does this but he’s three and ADORABLE so I let him off but I even tell him when I’m wearing a jumper I need to protect or if he’s too rough 🤣🤣🤣

BIL needs to learn personal space and respect.

MrsKwazi · 28/12/2023 07:11

YANBU

ValkyrieAssassin · 28/12/2023 07:19

That would wind me up a very great deal. I have a very dodgy spine and bulging discs and being pulled off my stride unexpectedly could literally put me in hospital. The last time I had a prolapse is because my ankle went over and the pain is agonising.

Your BIL needs to understand boundaries and respect.

crumblingschools · 28/12/2023 07:19

How old is he, why does he have to play practical jokes on people?

Sparkletastic · 28/12/2023 07:21

He sounds very irritating and would have got short shrift from me.

Ifancythegrinch · 28/12/2023 07:27

I would have told him to stop it the first time he did it. I can’t stand that sort of thing.

WaltzingWaters · 28/12/2023 07:29

Hmm. Does sound irritating but if he was playing with the kids and entertaining them it’s also a nice thing to do on the kids part (and the parents who have happy entertained kids). A polite “please be careful, this is a new jumper” before then snapping if he continued would have been better.

If he was just playing unwanted practical jokes on other adults then he’s just an immature dick.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 28/12/2023 07:29

Hindsight is a good thing but this kind of 'joke' needs to be nipped in the bud or he'll just do it again next year.

Greenpolkadot · 28/12/2023 07:30

He sounds an idiot. I hate this sort of pratting about.
He would have got short shrift from me too.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 07:32

RosesSmellLikePoo · 28/12/2023 07:02

He’s 24

Show quote history

You over reacted as you know by everyone else's reactions it's no big deal though

Topee · 28/12/2023 07:35

He was playing with children, you could have just asked him not to pull your jumper the first time he did it. Sounds as though he was just trying to have fun with them and keep them entertained.

GrumpyPanda · 28/12/2023 07:42

The "be kind" brigade out in force again. No, "playing with children" doesn't excuse a grown-up male manhandling a woman without her consent. Jumper or no jumper - that's a red herring. If OP wanted to get physically involved in the kids' play that should have been her own decision to make - she's not somebody else's prop.

autienotnaughty · 28/12/2023 07:43

I hate stuff like this. So it's ok for him to pull at your clothes, knock you into stuff and spill your drink because it's a joke? No jokes are only funny if everyone is laughing. Hopefully he's learnt to leave you out of it on the future.

festivepains · 28/12/2023 07:45

My BIL is like this. I've snapped. He doesn't get it he thinks it's all a laugh. I spend my days being climbed on by my own toddler I don't need someone else grabbing at me. Next time scream in his face.

DancyNancy · 28/12/2023 08:00

I really hate that kind of contact too.
It sends my nervous system into panic for some reason...... especially coupled with a busy, noisy, excitable house it would probably send me over too!!
I totally get it.

heldinadream · 28/12/2023 08:32

RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 07:32

You over reacted as you know by everyone else's reactions it's no big deal though

Show quote history

I think she under-reacted.
Please don't pull my jumper about like that, I don't like being pulled about and it's a new jumper - first time.
OP, YANBU.

ManateeFair · 28/12/2023 08:33

He sounds unbearable.

StaunchMomma · 28/12/2023 08:35

Yeah, YANBU at all.

BIL sounds like an infuriating try hard.

I wouldn't like being grabbed and thrown around, either. Well done for standing up for yourself, OP.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2023 08:39

That would drive me nuts. Tell him to go to the park with the kids.

Katemax82 · 28/12/2023 09:02

I would be annoyed too, I yell at my ds if he pulls my jumpers

Shinyandnew1 · 28/12/2023 09:07

Playing with kids is fine, knocking people into doorways and spilling their drinks is annoying.

Is he the kids dad or uncle? Was he a bit pissed? Who is the SIL who raised her eyebrows?