To have snapped at BIL

[RosesSmellLikePoo]

Went to MIL’s Boxing Day for family get together. BIL was playing practical jokes on people and at one point did something to MIL and then ran up to me and started “hiding” behind me but he grabbed my jumper on my back and was pulling me around like a human shield. This was a new jumper, first time I’d worn it and he was stretching it and pulling me around. I’m claustrophobic and absolutely hate being pushed and pulled around - everyone was laughing so I tried to remain civil - smiled and just shrugged him off but I was getting so irritated. He moved onto someone else but 5 minutes later I was coming out of the kitchen with a drink and he was “hiding” from someone else - grabbed me and tried to pull me in front of him. This caused me to stumble against the door frame, I caught my elbow on the door handle and spilt some of my drink. I lost it and snapped at him “will you stop knocking me and pulling me around?!”. SIL heard and raised an eyebrow at me, BIL apologised and said “sorry, was just playing with the kids” then I realised it was the kids he was “hiding” from. Kids looked at me all worried as if they were all in trouble 🤦‍♀️ I felt so guilty so laughed and said “no I know you didn’t mean any harm, I just don’t like being pushed about, what have you done to the kids?” And laughed again. BIL said “it’s ok” and walked off. Everyone was really funny with me after that and I felt like shit and just wanted to go home. WIBU to have snapped? I don’t like being touched, I especially don’t like being pushed and pulled around!!

He sounds extremely immature

I also think you under reacted. He sounds like a twat and you are not a prop for his games

I would have said something as soon as he touched me for the first time. At first it wouldn’t be snapping it would be something like “eh watch the jumper Paul, this is new on today” and if he continued then I would be more forceful

I would have lost it with him the first time he did it. I would t worry about it too much, he sounds like a twat anyway.

Ack...it's one of those 'same planet, different world" things.
I'm sure he didn't mean any harm but I understand not wanting to be grabbed and hauled around too. I also understand why you snapped. Unfortunately it will be remembered as that time you shouted at bil on Christmas Day. It's not fair but that's how it tends to go.
Bad luck.

Why is is ok for a 24 year old grown man to be literally man handling a female relative?

It’s childish at best and creepy as fuck at worse.

BIL sounds like a total knob

He was being a twat, he can play with the kids, but yanking you, causing you to hurt yourself and destroying your clothes is a step too far. He should have left others out of his game. I hate people grabbing me, I’d have reacted the same as you.

He was just playing with the kids, on Xmas day, you could have simply said politely can you not do that please.

Some of the responses here showing why boundaries can be a challenge to hold.

My 13 year old ds wouldn't dream of manhandling another person and he often 'plays with the kids' of the extended family. So, a 24 year old really should know better.

On the contrary, some of these responses. Like yours. Show a complete lack of ability to manage a situation appropriately

She didn’t overact to being manhandled by a twat.

How would you have handled it? By simpering to BIL and pretending you loved being manhandled?

It’s acceptable behaviour for a 4 year old, much less so at 24. He was being a dick.

Why so abusive? He was plying with the children on Xmas morning, it doesn’t him a twat. And there is no way she didn’t know that’s what he was doing. She simply had to quietly ask him to not include her, or move elsewhere

It was Boxing Day and why does he need to rag me about to play with the kids? And I didn’t know who he was “hiding” from the second time as I’d just come in from another room.

But then you did the first time. And he doesn’t, you just need to say to him. Why are you being arsey. Do you just want people to say it’s ok to have a go. Plenty will. And more.

Why are you being arsey to OP? She didn’t want her new jumper to be pulled and stretched so asked BIL to stop.

Do you generally have a problem with women saying stop or no?

Yes, yes I’m a woman who has an issue with that, simply as I said she should have had a quiet word the first time. Spot on.

He wasn’t playing with the kids the first time. How on earth am I being arsey?? I’m just pointing out what happened!

Why do you think women need to be quiet all the time?

The twat pulled her round twice. There is a limit to anyone’s patience.

Yanbu. I would find that really bloody annoying, doesn't make you a party pooper or anything just like you I don't like my personal space invaded like that

Well, I can see why you are annoyed. However, from his point of view, he’s still relatively young himself, sounds like he was larking about with the kids was in high spirits at Christmas and got carried away. I was like this in my younger day too so I kind of sympathise with him, sorry!

I think maybe a quiet word with him to clear the air would be good if you otherwise get on well. Something like ‘I know you were only having fun with the kids but it wasn’t fun for me’ sort of thing.

YANBU. Can't believe the posters thinking you are in the wrong. Who thinks it's ok to pull on another adult like that. He's 24 not 4.

Those excusing a 24 year old grown man, as him just “playing with the children” are really doing him no favours. If he doesn’t yet know that pulling a woman around, without her permission, is NOT acceptable in any shape or form, he could be in serious trouble at some point.

So you tolerated his manhandling the once, he knocked you around again, and you told him not to.You didn't use profanity, or make unpleasant personal remarks. Can't see a problem. He needed telling. If he was my brother/son/husband, I would have told him to stop in no uncertain terms.