To worry about DC’s weight

[Itsmyshadow]

I have 3 DCs aged 8, 4 and 1. DC8 and DC4 were amazing eaters as babies and toddlers, never refused anything at home or at nursery and never had a fussy phase. Despite not having any chocolate, cakes, biscuits etc until nearly 3, it was clear by age 2 DC8 was significantly plumper than other children her age. Long story short I asked nursery to reduce portion sizes a bit so she was eating less and they refused without a doctor’s intervention. After the intervention of a paediatrician and dietician nursery obliged and DC8 gradually grew into her weight. She was definitely still on the chubby side when starting school but no longer in the ‘very overweight’ category (as per NHS child BMI calculator). DC8 is an incredibly sporty child and is now very slim.

DC4 has never been quite as large as DC8 used to be, but her weight has consistently been on a higher centile than her height. A year ago I asked nursery (a different one to the one DC8 attended) to reduce her portion size as I could see her weight was going the wrong way. Nursery again refused without a professional agreement and referred me to a health visitor who over the phone took some height and weight measurements from me and said because there weren’t two full centile differences between DC’s weight and height she was fine.

DC4 is now in school and clearly overweight. I’ve measured her today and her height is on 50th centile, weight on 83rd, and NHS height/weight BMI ratio on 91st - overweight category. DC4 is the opposite of ‘big boned’, and probably has quite a small frame and therefore is probably more overweight than the stats suggest.

I’m torn about whether to worry about this. DC8 is now very slim. Everyone rolled their eyes at me (except the health professionals) about worrying about her weight. I’d no idea at the time she’d end up so sporty (plays sport 7 days per week) and she’d probably a healthy weight now even if there’s been no intervention as a toddler.

DC4 however is very girly, her play involves sitting drawing or playing with dolls, she hates sports and moans whenever we walk anywhere. I can’t see her growing into her weight in the same way without any changes. In DC8’s year all of the children who started school a bit chubby like her are now very overweight. She is the only one who has slimmed down.

So when do DH and start to make changes? Stop worrying and leave it a bit longer, or try to do something now? DC4 goes to after school club 4 days per week and so all her food and exercise on those days is controlled by someone else. It therefore feels like on the weekend big changes are going to have to be made to make an impact, when 9/10 lunches and teas are given by someone else during the week.

From my experience nursery portions are pretty small- when little, if they didn’t have large unhealthy portions at home they were perfectly healthy.

You sound ridiculously obsessed about children’s weight OP- do you have food issues?

You sound ridiculously obsessed about children’s weight OP- do you have food issues?

No not at all. Haven’t weighed DC4 for a year (since HV call). I’ve just noticed she has gotten a lot of cellulite on top of her existing protruding tummy and DC8 happened to stand on the scales and tell me her weight and DC4 wanted to do the same.

As a child I was like your DC4 and was taken by my mother to see doctors about it. Possibly as a result of that I developed quite disordered eating and attitudes to food and weight which has caused me a lot of issues in adult life
I don't know what the answer is, as weight issues are horrible, but please tread carefully

4 year olds don’t have cellulite….I honestly think you may have the issue

I think I’d focus on the meals she’s with you. School portions are small and drinks will be water. It’s more likely the out is school food and drinks. Can you incorporate exercise eg walk to school.

Make some changes now.
There are 21 meals in a week.
9 of those are provided by childcare - but that still leaves you half the meals a week to have an effect on. Be honest with what you are feeding them at these meals.

You can also influence activities.

When do they get it? My friend certainly did at 10.

See your GP? If they think she needs to stop gaining for a bit then nursery will reduce her portions

Your kids shouldn’t be randomly weighing themselves though, given there’s been some issues in the house. Put the scales away.

@QueenOfHiraeth this is my worry and why I’m asking if we should be doing anything about it or leaving be and risking her become obese.

It’s really tricky as DC8 is starving after afterschool club (as I understand it DC8 is given the same size school lunch and tea as DC4, which given their different heights and activity levels means DC8 is starving and DC4 not), so she comes home and makes herself a sandwich before going to sports, which DC4 doesn’t have, and then DC1 is the complete opposite and refuses most food at nursery and so is also starving when he gets home and eats lots, so DC4 already does not have a tonne of food after school that the other two do have. She does have something like some chicken satay and some ham, and is offered fruit (which she rarely wants), but I absolutely don’t want to treat her differently food wise on the weekend than her older sister if it’s not necessary to, but she’s clearly eating too much across the week as a whole for her activity level.

I think there are stages when children gain weight before they grow, by age 6 she'll be fine. They don't need formal sport but general activity walking to the park, climbing and dancing. She'll be fine

@olympicsrock . She clearly does. It’s only very recent and it is very obvious. It is what has prompted me to think about this again.

@MaryWhitehouseisCOOL What about the children who aren't fine? How do you know? Many do end up overweight at the year 6 check.

Is there a 'sporty activity' she would enjoy? Dancing, cheerleading, gymnastics type thing? They're a bit more fun than your standard sports, but still great exercise. Are there little things you can do? Like walk to school, or does she have a bike or a scooter she can take when you guys are walking somewhere?

At her age I would really try and be careful when policing her diet, as you run the risk of her growing up with a poor relationship with food, and she could end up binging - which will be worse long term, I would focus more on exercise and quietly increase lean proteins and more fruit and veggies into her diet without her realising.

School lunches aren’t great to be honest. They are provided by an external provider and whilst there is a healthy option it’s not one the kids would usually choose. In a typical week she would have a burger, fish fingers, pizza, roast dinner (fine) and tomato pasta (fine), all with a bread roll, glass of milk and a dessert. Teas are generally bits of wrap and sandwiches with vege sticks and fruit. DC8 says they get only 3 or 4 pieces of wrap / sandwich.

Agree though that we need to look at home too. Breakfast is bran flakes or porridge, perhaps the portion size is too large. Lunch on the weekend is usually a sandwich or wrap with vege sticks (I could do better here, she perhaps doesn’t need a whole sandwich, but it’s hard when DC8 does and I’d rather not create issues in her head with food / perceived unfairness by being so blatantly different on portion size). Dinner is usually something pasta based e.g. spag Bol as it’s something they will all eat. I do give DC8 a notably larger portion of pasta here.

Snacks are tricky as we are often out and about watching DC8 compete at sports. Crisps / cereal bars / pre-made snacks feature heavily as a result. Unfortunately lots of the other mums bring biscuits / sweets etc for their watching kids which DC4 gets offered. Their kids all seem to be so dainty, but perhaps they don’t eat much else other than the biscuits / sweets 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Presumably she is in reception at present? It's tricky if she has to go to after school club because the options for reception are often just 'stay and play' rather than sport or dance. Is there any chance she could do an activity of her own rather than just watching her sister?

Thank you. She does dance after school one day and swimming also. She used to do gymnastics but became increasingly unwilling to go. I think I need to make more effort to get out and do some walks with the older two and ignore the moaning that always happens on them. We have some beautiful countryside near us to explore.

Yes it’s just stay and play. They do offer a physical activity like dodgeball each evening but she always chooses the creative activity instead. It isn’t really until year 3 that the school puts on after school sports clubs.

I’m sorry, but this sounds like a you issue. I looked overweight as a child until I was around 5, and then was perfectly slim until I was around 15. The main thing that impacted my eating and weight as I got older was my mum policing what I ate and making comments about it.

As soon as I moved out age 18 and cooked for myself and looked after myself I went back to being slim.

So long as your children have well balanced diets and are generally active their weight doesn’t matter. The habits they build are what will matter and will determine whether they are healthy as they grow, not whether they carry a bit of extra weight as children.

I can’t imagine having been regularly weighed as I grew and it would have been really negative in terms of self esteem which is a much bigger indicator of eating disorders etc.

I think you will need to see what you can do to find physical activities she likes that you can facilitate at the weekend. Do you have to watch your older daughter compete every weekend or could you do something active with the younger DD and pick up your older one after her match?

Geocache is a great way to get children out for a walk

I honestly highly doubt your 4-year-old has cellulite. It seems hugely unlikely. I’m actually glad nursery and health professionals are refusing to alter portion sizes.

I worried about one of my DC being classed as overweight on the Reception height & weight check- they weren’t. My first DC had been really skinny and this one was quite chunky by comparison. As soon as they hit Yr 1 they lost all the puppy fat. Sometimes it really is just puppy fat. It’s highly likely that your DC2 will follow your DC1 and slim down as they grow.

What’s your experience with your own weight and body image?

Thank you. I will look at this!

@Haveyouanyjam thank you for your comments and I agree with you. This is the crux of my post. I’m torn between trying to do something about it as subtlety as I can but with always the risk she’ll pick up on it, or continuing as we are and hoping she naturally follows the path of her sister. All of the girls in her sister’s year who had a bit of puppy fat in reception are very overweight now though.

I think the best option as PPs have suggested is just to try to be more active on the weekends rather than focus on food.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the graphs and charts as long as they seem happy within themselves, are eating sensibly and getting exercise. Isn’t BMI known to be totally inaccurate these days? Are you worried about your children’s health?