To worry about DC’s weight

[Itsmyshadow]

I have 3 DCs aged 8, 4 and 1. DC8 and DC4 were amazing eaters as babies and toddlers, never refused anything at home or at nursery and never had a fussy phase. Despite not having any chocolate, cakes, biscuits etc until nearly 3, it was clear by age 2 DC8 was significantly plumper than other children her age. Long story short I asked nursery to reduce portion sizes a bit so she was eating less and they refused without a doctor’s intervention. After the intervention of a paediatrician and dietician nursery obliged and DC8 gradually grew into her weight. She was definitely still on the chubby side when starting school but no longer in the ‘very overweight’ category (as per NHS child BMI calculator). DC8 is an incredibly sporty child and is now very slim.

DC4 has never been quite as large as DC8 used to be, but her weight has consistently been on a higher centile than her height. A year ago I asked nursery (a different one to the one DC8 attended) to reduce her portion size as I could see her weight was going the wrong way. Nursery again refused without a professional agreement and referred me to a health visitor who over the phone took some height and weight measurements from me and said because there weren’t two full centile differences between DC’s weight and height she was fine.

DC4 is now in school and clearly overweight. I’ve measured her today and her height is on 50th centile, weight on 83rd, and NHS height/weight BMI ratio on 91st - overweight category. DC4 is the opposite of ‘big boned’, and probably has quite a small frame and therefore is probably more overweight than the stats suggest.

I’m torn about whether to worry about this. DC8 is now very slim. Everyone rolled their eyes at me (except the health professionals) about worrying about her weight. I’d no idea at the time she’d end up so sporty (plays sport 7 days per week) and she’d probably a healthy weight now even if there’s been no intervention as a toddler.

DC4 however is very girly, her play involves sitting drawing or playing with dolls, she hates sports and moans whenever we walk anywhere. I can’t see her growing into her weight in the same way without any changes. In DC8’s year all of the children who started school a bit chubby like her are now very overweight. She is the only one who has slimmed down.

So when do DH and start to make changes? Stop worrying and leave it a bit longer, or try to do something now? DC4 goes to after school club 4 days per week and so all her food and exercise on those days is controlled by someone else. It therefore feels like on the weekend big changes are going to have to be made to make an impact, when 9/10 lunches and teas are given by someone else during the week.

@NoSquirrels she does have cellulite. I’m not making that up. I was as surprised as anyone as I thought it was an older person’s thing.

I have no issues with my own weight and body image. I’m a size 10, have a flabby tummy, but couldn’t care less.

You seem to have an unhealthy weight/appearance hangup. I would expect if you follow an active lifestyle your children will just end up a healthy weight.

Be wary of passing on this weight hangup to the children.

I have read the posts and was puzzled about the weight issue until it came to the bit about the snacks. There's possibly the answer there. It's difficult but that's would be a good place to start.

Could you swap to brown pasta? I did that for my DD because it genuinely fills her up for a much longer time.

It feels like you’re being gaslit by some replies here - being overweight does cause heath problems and it’s natural to worry about it. I’m also worrying about my 10yo who hates physical activity, eats at every opportunity and has a very sweet tooth and is definitely getting plump (he also has some cellulite/dimply fat) - I feel like I’m failing him and we’re also trying to make changes. We’re trying to focus on exercise but it is so hard when he hates it and tbh I don’t want be doing it either.
Could you swap to packed lunches at school so you have more control?

The gaslighting on this thread is next level. All the "it sounds like you have an issue with food" 🙄 One PP has even been all faux pearl-clutchy about the child being regularly weighed, which isn't even happening. That's just a total fabrication.

OP you don't sound obsessed at all. You can see that your child is overweight and you have concerns. That's very valid. Childhood obesity is a real issue and can lead to lifelong health problems. You're a good mum. It's sensible to have an eye on your child's health.

I absolutely don't subscribe to the idea that talking about eating and exercise habits is inherently bad for kids. Quite the opposite. Probably the biggest factor in human health is the food we put into our bodies. It's not something to ignore or pussyfoot around because parents are too scared to handle it properly. It's just a case of making sure that your messaging is positive, and you're not pushing the idea of bad foods or being restrictive. Kids need to know about the different health benefits of different types of food and what a balanced diet is. My kids know why we need protein and where we get it in our diet, which vitamins we need and what they do for our bodies etc. They also love treats and know that these are fine in moderation. We don't restrict food intake but instead of a third helping of pasta, they'd be offered something like fruit or veggies and houmous if they were still hungry. These are healthy habits, not obsession.

I have one DC like your DD who isn't particularly interested in any physical hobbies. She also prefers crafts, colouring, writing etc. She will resist a walk if I say "let's go for a walk" but if I say "let's go up the fields and collect some leaves for a collage" she is all over it. Basically disguising the walk as a mission of some kind. Appreciate this only works while they're younger though. She also loves swimming and skating. Bit tricky as we don't have much of a patio for her to skate at home but we try and find time a few times a week to go to the park. She likes things that involve learning a skill, as opposed to competing against others. Maybe your DD is similar?

I was chubby between the ages of 7 and 10ish. I didn't overeat, mum and dad fed me normal portion sizes. I wasn't greedy and I did loads of physical activity. Outdoor playing with friends, dancing, badminton with mum. It was just puppy fat and suddenly just fell off.

I think the portion sizes for meals sound ok actually. Possibly add more protein and slightly less carb, but they do need carbs to grow so don't go low carb - for e.g. tomato pasta - maybe add some tuna or ham to add the protein.

I suspect the issue is with the snacks. Some of those 'healthy' pre packaged snacks are rubbish - and if your DD is anything like mine they can wolf a flapjack bar in 5 second flat and want more. I'd focus on snacks that take a while to eat - just to slow down the snacking whilst she's out watching big sis.

Some ideas - in summer we freeze our own ice lollies from juice or the fruit puree pouches you get for babies. One lolly is 1/4 a baby pouch but takes a while to eat. Cheerios threaded onto a string is a good one - they have to nibble them off (like those candy bracelets from the 80s!) or even hard boiled lollipops like chupa chups. I'm not saying it's healthier - it's almost certainly not but one lolly takes 30 mins to eat and is probably only a couple of calories. Make sure to do a big tooth brush though.

And definitely up the incidental exercise if you can. We walk everywhere we can - to school, to the shop if we just need milk, to Rainbows, to ballet etc. If you can walk, walk!

Op, could you make your dd's packed lunch and snack tea? I work for a school and some of the meals on offer are abysmal in quality.

Could UPF be playing a part? we've recently been reducing UPF in our diet as I didn't realise the impact on hunger and cravings etc (Also gut health and other things)

Honestly the best thing to do is to have healthy, balanced meals at home and for them to see you eating decent meals, few snacks and being active. If she doesn't enjoy structured exercise like sports or clubs then how about walks? Cycling? Going on the scooter? To the park? Anything that gets them moving at that age is good, not just for the health benefits but because it then seems 'normal' growing up to build in time to be active. Building good habits is honestly so important, more so than the immediate benefits of eating well and being active. I wouldn't 'other' her though, all try and eat better- snacks for the others for example make sure there are veggies, proteins and complex carbs available; chocolate etc as part of a balanced diet and not demonised but not regular either.

People are always quick to say don't do anything it'll give her a complex and issues, but being overweight is also a big issue and something if you can avoid in a healthy way is absolutely worthwhile.

My 4 year old is 98th for weight and 75th for height. It's never occurred to me to worry because, well, she's 4.

I think you probably need to try and relax about this until it's actually an issue which it doesn't sound like it is because you're the only person who seems to be worried about it.

On a side note, my parents were very "anti fat" growing up and it's done me no favours growing up and developing a positive body image and I'm pretty slim.

YABU. Why are you so obsessed with weight? Your poor DC. Do you have a history of disordered eating?

My 4 year old is 98th for weight and 75th for height. It's never occurred to me to worry because, well, she's 4.

I'd say 4 is a good time to check a child's growth to see if they are growing healthily. It's far less easy to make changes if you find out at 10.

https://www.nhs.uk/health-assessment-tools/calculate-your-body-mass-index/calculate-bmi-for-children-teenagers/

Why would OP lie about her child having cellulite?! I’ve seen younger kids with cellulite!

I think you probably need to try and relax about this until it's actually an issue
Some terrible advice on this thread.
Overweight children usually become overweight adults and gain the many health issues that come with it.
It's our job as parents to do the best for our children and that includes keeping them at a healthy weight.

More parents need to take action, it's not about looks and being 'weight obsessed'. Being overweight and obese leads to heart problems, back problems, circulation problems, joint problems, mental health issues, diabetes and increased risks of cancer.

You're doing the right thing OP by setting your children up for a healthy start in life. Being a healthy weight is one of the biggest ways we can influence living a healthy life.

Overweight children usually become overweight adults and gain the many health issues that come with it.

This is true. I have many of my primary school year group on social media. My friends who were overweight at 10/11, or at least compared with others as this was the nineties, are overweight now as adults, the slim ones are slim.

Please don’t do this. My mum was weird around food and constantly policed what I ate when I was 4. As a result I’ve struggled with disordered eating and my weight my whole life.

Good post I completely agree with this. If the OP was one of the many, many parents who posted on here over the years who was denying her child was overweight, she would be having her arse handed to her. I have seen that play out many times. It is an incredibly difficult line to walk but I would be doing what you are doing @Itsmyshadow.

I definitely think increasing activity as a life long skill is important at this stage. Maybe two classes of dance which seems to be her thing. Everyone should be doing some kind physical activity.

The issue is going to be what she's eating with you. Some children will put on weight more easily - mine are similar. I've noticed that it's often linked to too much bread/baked goods. Give your dc healthier meals that rely on more protein and veg.
Make sure they drink enough water, fruit and veg first for snacks then anything else if they're still hungry.

I’m not sure what you can do at this age, plus you do sound a tad obsessed. Both my DCs were rakes as children. They’re young adults now - DS is still slim but DD has put in a lot of weight in last couple of years (it’s more obvious cos she has a round and chubby face, even when slim) - possibly due to medication, but could be just being a student (I put on 2stone when I started uni but I was very slim so was never overweight per se). I never comment on her weight even though she could do with losing a good 10lbs. I cook healthy meals at home, try not to buy ultra processed food and leave fruit etc out for snacking.
It’s much easier to influence a child’s weight than an adults so you can ensure you provide healthy snacks (ie fruit, veg, houmous, nuts, wholegrain rice cakes) and good filling meals (use wholewheat pasta, brown rice etc). I’m still sure your 4 year old does PE and runs around at school a bit, what about swimming, skipping, throwing a ball around - all good activities. Walking is boring for kids esp little ones.

Also going to go against the grain and say well done OP for trying to sort this. It is much harder to form good eating and exercise habits later in life - if you can get your daughter to enjoy exercise (in whatever form - obstacle courses/trampolining/riding a scooter are all good exercise for kids who don't like sports) and be able to self-regulate when it comes to food, you will be doing so much for her lifelong health.

Re portion size discrepancy - if you haven't already, explain to her that her sister gets more because she is older/bigger. And that you (presumably) eat more than either of them because you are older and bigger still. I would give smaller portions and if she is still hungry after finishing she can have more.

Also with the other poster on upf - I think it seriously messes with our internal perception of how much we have consumed/how hungry we are. Also, increasing the amount of texture in meals (e.g. hard/crunchy veg, crusty bread (rather than the soft pre-sliced kind), al dente pasta, etc.) helps reduce over-eating, as it takes longer to consume the meal and gives you a chance to feel 'full'.

Many adults are fat as they have disordered eating, just as bad as the opposite. There's nothing wrong with parents striving to build decent habits around a balanced diet and active lifestyle. It doesn't sound like the OP is keen on calling DD fat and leaving her to go hungry.

If they find walking boring then you can get them out on a bike or scooter. Or if you have woodland, DS loves climbing and sliding down a sleep slope, not just walking. Or up on a hill or common, running about.