To think children suffer the most from divorce

[Mirabelle2]

I am really unhappy in my marriage, My husband became very lazy once our children arrived and I have just grown more and more resentful. His priorities were up the wall and felt as though I was doing everything on my own anyway. A few weeks ago I asked him to leave, which he did, he is still having regular contact with the DC (more so than before). We have told the children that he is looking after his parents house whilst they are away for 2 months as I cant tell them unless I know it is final, the thing is, I think I am happier on my own. I just feel so so guilty for the kids like I am ruining them by making this decision. I keep trying to force myself for these feelings to come back and I really do want them to but I just dont think they will. He still tries to be intimate with me on occasion but I find it exhausting and like I dont want to see him in case he initiates anything?

What is happening to me? I always thought I would love this man forever :(

My DS was 11 and he became much happier after the divorce. Nobody wants to be in a house where the parents are not happy. There were no arguments in my house but clearly an icy atmosphere for the few months before

My brother and I both wish our parents would have divorced. We're in our forties and still carry the scars of their "staying together for the children". They stayed together and ruined our childhood with their endless fights and bickering, tit-for-tat behaviour, crying, screaming, manipulating... it was hell. I used to pray in church that they would divorce.

A good amicable divorce then happy single or re coupled parents is better than years of misery but not everyone can achieve this. My dc and dsc are all happy 20 somethings, everyone gets along, can socialise as needed with ex's. Dsd wishes her parents split earlier and I had been in her life longer which is really sweet.

Thanks everyone, didnt expect so much support and advice

@Mirabelle2 I'm in a similar situation, although my dc are now teens. From the time they were born, DH spent every spare minute that he wasn't at work lying on the sofa or doing hobbies. He would always say to me that I should also take time for myself and relax, but how can you, with a baby, then young children! He did no housework or gardening, and equally told me I should just leave it all, as he didn't care whether it was done or not. Mine was the same when the dc were young, he wanted affection and intimacy, but I was exhausted from looking after the dc and running a home with no support from him.

Now he's not even working as he's having a break due to burnout. He is better re his burnout, but still does nothing at home. We are also on different pages re how we want to live our lives going forward - intimacy, holidays, retirement etc.

We've been to counselling, but nothing changed. I think he is fundamentally self centred and also chauvinistic. I know in my heart I need to separate from him, and I have brought this up with him, but I'm still having some doubts. Like you, I am mainly worried about the effect on the dc. Also I keep thinking as he is at home all day, he is the father presence in their lives, and then I will be taking that away from the dc if he moves out.

It's been good to hear the positive stories on this thread though. Wishing you all the best - we can do this!

Now he is saying he actually doesn't want to be apart and he is very unhappy with how things are now?

What do I do?

You tell him that if he doesn't want you to split up, he needs to start behaving like a responsible adult, not a teenager being looked after by his mummy.

I agree, but only if they genuinely put the kids first once they've split and don't use the kids to points score.

Also, you are still a parent on your weekends "off". Something so many divorced couples seem to forget.

Another thing that he comments on is the time I go to bed, I usually go between 8-9 as I am so knackered but he said he just sits downstairs by himself.