To hate being overweight but not do a diet I know will work?

[ChristmasPudding83]

I am 40, 2 children, size 16 (or 16-18 if I’m really honest), 13 to 13 1/2 stone, BMI on the borderline between overweight and obese. I hate the idea I’m obese, I hate the way my body looks, hate photos of myself, hate my clothes feeling tight, hate the added strain on my joints, hate the added weight on my face. But I don’t know how reasonable this is….i know lots of other people this size or bigger that I think look great and my OH claims he finds me attractive at any size. I believe in body positivity and that size doesn’t determine worth….and yet!!!

My weight has fluctuated throughout my adult life, but mostly I’ve been size 12-14 and around 11 stone and I definitely felt better and healthier at that size. I’ve found it harder to shift weight after having the children though and have been sitting around this heavier weight for about a year and a half. I do eat healthily on the whole and cook from scratch most evenings but snack too much/ stress eat/ get takeaways sometimes too and with young kids and a busy and sometimes pressured job I find it hard to eat perfectly.

Previously I’ve managed my weight on many occasions with Weight Watchers - it does ‘work’ for me - on my best run I lost 3 stone (13 stone to 10 stone) but I’ve lost a stone doing it on many, many occasions over the past 15 plus years. I eat quite healthily on it and don’t find it that hard to stick to for a while, but I hate paying money to a company which I feel is fundamentally exploitative. Also I find the level of control needed to stick to it becomes oppressive after a while and it often starts to trigger disordered eating patterns from the past (excessive control, binge eating and binge-purge) though I am usually able to spot the signs and stop in time.

I have always liked exercise and being active - this month I’ve run 25-30 mins every day and I usually run a few times a week, did the London marathon last year, cycle most days, have an active job etc. however while this helps me mental health and fitness it does not lead to weight loss.

What I can’t figure out is what to do next. I really don’t like being this size and as I know WeightWatchers will probably work (at least for a month or two), I suspect it is unreasonable not to just do it for a few months and lose some weight at least.

However the other side of me thinks I should be trying to get out of this toxic dieting cycle and finding another way either to accept my body or lose weight in a way that doesn’t involve such strict food monitoring (but I have never found one that worked)

YABU - suck it up and go on the diet
YANBU - dieting isn’t the answer here (but if so, what is????)

Help! I feel so stuck with this situation and negative feelings and have 4 year old daughter who I really want to be a better role model for :-(

I don't know but I've lost a stone since the start of December including 2 weeks at an all inclusive.
I've suddenly lost my appetite and although I ate a lot Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I'm not hungry again today.

Yes you need to get out of the cycle

Ideally whist you are a low weight ! As you get older you will feel the benefits even more

It can be done but it will be hard - first the lose weight diet and then the stabilise diet - it will feel like a diet at first as you will need to be so very careful . Over time it will get easier and become normal

If you don't you will probably find your weight creeps up ever more year on year

There's a podcast called the secret world of slimming clubs. It's not a diet podcast at all but is normal women who are on a diet taking a very funny and lighthearted look at it all. It won't give dieting tips but will give you a laugh. There's lots of other people out there (including me) who feel the way you do and this podcast has really helped me look at it differently.

I use MyFitnessPal. It teaches you more about calories and whether something is worth it eg if I only have 1600 calories to "spend" for the day, do I want to blow 600 of them on one slice of cake? Nope. But if I fancy something like that, I most certainly can have it, and work it into my calorie allowance for the day. That way, nothing is a "sin" or forbidden. And you can have a god damn avocado if you want to!! Oh wait, that's slimming world 🤣

Oh I love podcasts, I will give that one a listen!

What’s your secret?!

One suggestion is to diet down to 12 stone and then work hard on maintaining it as maintenance at 10 or 11 stone doesn’t sound like it works for you.
Then reassess when you are at your in-between weight of 12 stone.

Another vote for myfitnesspal

Its boring and not what you want to hear but you need to completely change your relationship with food. Not diet on and off.

You need to form new habits and stop the snacking/stress eating.
Find other ways to cope with your stress.
Dont buy the unhealthy foods so you cant have it.
Stop using sauces and dips with food.
Find low calorie alternatives to snacks, things you actually like and not just "diet food" because it wont last.

You say you already eat good, healthy food for meals so you dont need to change much there. Look at portion sizes and start having a little less at meals.

I could have written your OP, I just can't seem to crack it long term either.
Watching with interest!

You are doing a lot of things right, it's fantastic how much exercise you are giving yourself! I just think you need to trust yourself more to do the right thing because you clearly can.
It's probably not a good idea to go back to something that you resent and which has only worked short term. You basically know what you need to do to lose weight and feel comfortable in your body again, you just need to make a few adjustments; what about 2 or 3 'go to' meals or snacks always there or ready to be made quickly for when you have no time/energy/will to think of something healthy? and accept small steps, including missteps and getting back on track, lead to big results, it just takes time.
Good luck! I've started again today because I need to, too!

Intermittent fasting works very well for some people too but not for those who get weak/dizzy without regular meals, so if that's you, dont try it.

I'm the same, I've basically drifted up from a healthy (for my height) 12 stone in my 20s to probably 14 stone now, with the occasional go at WW or MFP to go back down again, and the occasional unsuccessful try of other techniques like fasting. I really need to loose weight but then once I have done I'm highly likely to slip back to old ways. My plan for the new year is the get out of the habit of snacking & having sweet stuff whilst loosely doing MFP to make sure I stay under 1400 calories a day excluding fruit & veg from the count. What I need to make it work really is a mindset where doing anything else is not possible and a set of easy meals that I've pre counted.
Watching this thread with interest!

I'm an active person and have done gym/ running for about 20 years.

I had an injury this summer that basically took me out of action for months. I could do some exercise but not enough.
I ate fairly healthily anyway, but I knew I'd have to be careful. I stopped eating all crisps, cakes and biscuits. Ate slightly less at tea time- but not massively. Have ended up slightly slimmer than before. 5'9, never weigh myself but do measure in inches.

Typical day of food:
Yog and granola. Roughly 100g
Oatcakes and pate or similar lunch.
Tuna steak, couscous, roast veg tea.
Water, black coffee, green tea.

Wine and cider at weekends.

I listened to the audio book "why we eat (too much)" and then "ultra processed people" and it suddenly seemed so obvious that snack food is designed to make us want to eat more and more and it isn't that we just don't have the will power.
If you want to have a listen on a podcast first then this is good:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Et5OWuCOJFfgR4WTmclxF?si=JQRr954YQ0i7bVHL1eKVtw

This is my story.
My New Year’s resolution this year was to lose weight. It took me until mid July to get my arse into gear. I started to cut down on carbs, I didn’t count calories or increase my exercise. My weight in July was 13 stone 12 pounds and now it’s 11 stone 2 pounds and I feel fantastic. This has definitely been the easiest ‘diet’ I’ve ever been on.

I have lost 2 stone gradually over the last 18 months - down from borderline obese to normal BMI and blood pressure back in normal range. Intermittent fasting worked for me - I went with 16:8 but wasn't rigid about it and added a brisk daily walk to my regular exercise. Never felt like I was in a diet, more like a gradual lifestyle change.

I could have written your post.
I used to be able to lose weight, but then gained it back. Last couple of years I just cannot lose it at all, however hard I try.
The thing which has worked is Wegovy. 6 weeks in and 16lbs down. The weight has fallen off with no willpower required. I know hard work lays ahead as I'll still need to maintain the loss once I got to where I want to be. I'm working hard on changing habits at the same time.
If you can afford it, Wegovy will help you lose the weight.

I lost 3 stone by just cutting down by 400-500 calories a day and moving a couple of hours a day. I ate exactly what I wanted without cutting out any food groups or punishing myself too much. Took about 9 months, was sustainable because it wasn’t too drastic and I tried not to see it as a “Diet” more lifestyle changes.

Honestly I'd just take ozempic.

Weight Watchers isn’t sustainable and isn’t designed to be. It doesn’t teach you how to change your eating habits and lifestyle.

I get the rage with the ‘never be hungry!’, commercial diet programmes. Humans aren’t designed to eat constantly - a level of daily fasting was normal right up to the 50s - and we need to learn to listen to our bodies and cues for hunger and fullness.

Low carb with intermittent fasting feels hard to start with but it’s extremely effective and does retrain your body to know what it needs. I lost about 2 stone in eight weeks, felt so much more energetic and slept so much better. I’m now adjusting so I can maintain it for life but I’ll never go back.

I'd say both, suck it up and go on the diet. You've done it before you can do it again.
Why don't you have treat days where you can get that takeaway. But just not as often. And still snack through the day but with healthier alternatives? Don't make it a chore or a diet or trying to control what your eating , just some happy changes here and there and keep up the fitness. You can do it

Did you follow a particular plan or just figure it out yourself?

I’ll get shouted down but intermittent fasting worked for me. Lost 2 stone at 45 went from 12 stone to 10 and maintained. In the week I just don’t eat until lunchtime don’t eat after dinner. Meals on smaller plates. Cut snacks. Cardio everyday. New normal. Feel good on it. It’s not a diet but lifestyle readjustment. Otherwise you risk getting gradually fatter as you age.

This. It works as long as you log everything - you need to acknowledge and be honest about everything that passes your lips! I lost over 8kg in 6 weeks using MFP and sticking to 1200-1400 calories a day.