To hate being overweight but not do a diet I know will work?

[ChristmasPudding83]

I am 40, 2 children, size 16 (or 16-18 if I’m really honest), 13 to 13 1/2 stone, BMI on the borderline between overweight and obese. I hate the idea I’m obese, I hate the way my body looks, hate photos of myself, hate my clothes feeling tight, hate the added strain on my joints, hate the added weight on my face. But I don’t know how reasonable this is….i know lots of other people this size or bigger that I think look great and my OH claims he finds me attractive at any size. I believe in body positivity and that size doesn’t determine worth….and yet!!!

My weight has fluctuated throughout my adult life, but mostly I’ve been size 12-14 and around 11 stone and I definitely felt better and healthier at that size. I’ve found it harder to shift weight after having the children though and have been sitting around this heavier weight for about a year and a half. I do eat healthily on the whole and cook from scratch most evenings but snack too much/ stress eat/ get takeaways sometimes too and with young kids and a busy and sometimes pressured job I find it hard to eat perfectly.

Previously I’ve managed my weight on many occasions with Weight Watchers - it does ‘work’ for me - on my best run I lost 3 stone (13 stone to 10 stone) but I’ve lost a stone doing it on many, many occasions over the past 15 plus years. I eat quite healthily on it and don’t find it that hard to stick to for a while, but I hate paying money to a company which I feel is fundamentally exploitative. Also I find the level of control needed to stick to it becomes oppressive after a while and it often starts to trigger disordered eating patterns from the past (excessive control, binge eating and binge-purge) though I am usually able to spot the signs and stop in time.

I have always liked exercise and being active - this month I’ve run 25-30 mins every day and I usually run a few times a week, did the London marathon last year, cycle most days, have an active job etc. however while this helps me mental health and fitness it does not lead to weight loss.

What I can’t figure out is what to do next. I really don’t like being this size and as I know WeightWatchers will probably work (at least for a month or two), I suspect it is unreasonable not to just do it for a few months and lose some weight at least.

However the other side of me thinks I should be trying to get out of this toxic dieting cycle and finding another way either to accept my body or lose weight in a way that doesn’t involve such strict food monitoring (but I have never found one that worked)

YABU - suck it up and go on the diet
YANBU - dieting isn’t the answer here (but if so, what is????)

Help! I feel so stuck with this situation and negative feelings and have 4 year old daughter who I really want to be a better role model for :-(

That's a good point about feeling hungry.
I have breakfast at 7.i don't eat again until 1. Then again at 6o r 7. I'm bloody starving by that time, but it doesn't take much to fill me up.

Yes myfitnesspal is great use it too.

Do it now, before peri kicks in. Besides the fact that meno makes it harder to lose weight, associated symptoms like exhaustion and hot flushes will be a little easier if your body is healthier. Don't leave it any longer.

I was about your weight in the middle of October and got a massive wake-up call when the GP diagnosed me with high cholesterol. Thyroid related possibly, but also carrying extra weight is not helping.

Since then I have lost a stone by: cutting out red meat, alcohol, full fat dairy, pastries. Having cake/biscuits/chocolate very very infrequently. Eating twice a day, I have a bowl of overnight oats made with blueberries, raspberries and bananas about 12-1pm and then dinner. I have gone from 86kg to 79kg and looking to drop another 10kg ish. I'm not calorie counting as some of the things I need to be eating more of, like salmon, mackerel, avocados etc are quite high calorie.

Diets don't work.
You need a permanent lifestyle change and that starts with a complete attitude change.

I 'dieted' myself up to 33 and a half stone!! This time last year I was not expected to survive more than a few months. I have heart failure, liver disease, stage 3 kidney disease, lung disease, basically just all my organs shutting down. I didn't think I'd survive until new year. The other year I was taken into hospital in hypertensive crisis and not expected to survive either.

In Feb I decided to try to live. I've lost over 11 stone so far through a low carb low calorie combo and am now 21 stone 8. Still bloody massive but at least I now have a chance to live.

If you talk about diets and depriving yourself you will not keep the weight off. You'll carry on yo-yoing. Lose a stone, gain a stone and a half. You feel resentful and that will never work.

You need to change your mindset. A good example is changing from "I can't have x food" to "I choose to not have x food. I can if I want to but I choose not to"

You need to want to reduce your weight more than you want to eat the foods that are keeping you fat.

I have another 12 stone to lose and have a goal in mind of another 2 years to do it.

You can do it. I feel 100% sure you can. If you want to enough that you're able to change the way you think.

Work out your TDEE and download my fitness pal, eat 500 cals less per day than TDEE and keep the fitness going. You will lose weight

@IncompleteSenten 👏Amazing. And completely agree about the attitude shift. I don't feel I am depriving myself by not eating red meat or cheese because I can see what harm it was doing me.

OP - there are lots of options if you want to do low carb and intermittent fasting. Look at Michael Moseleys books and TV shows for example.

Also - exercise is great for overall health but not for weight loss. Most people over estimate exercise and therefore either reward themselves with extra food afterwards, or plateau after a short while as the exercise isn’t enough to compensate for the calories over requirements. You can’t out run your fork.

Also - exercise is great for overall health but not for weight loss. Most people over estimate exercise and therefore either reward themselves with extra food afterwards, or plateau after a short while as the exercise isn’t enough to compensate for the calories over requirements. You can’t out run your fork.

Or do an hour of exercise and then take it a bit more easy for the rest of the day so not to overdo things. Then their 400 calories burned or whatever is probably only actually 200 extra calories burned which is a latte.

Wow incomplete that’s amazing.

Yes weight loss about diet but exercise makes you feel better and tones you up.

Personally I manage my weight by eating well and exercising. It’s all about calorie deficit to lose weight in very simple terms. I also think the word “dieting” can be quite a negative word. Whenever I’ve dieted it usually means I’ve deprived myself of something I love which then ends up in me craving it more and then making myself miserable.
I like MyFitnessPal to track what I’m eating, helps me to be accountable. I currently have a normal BMI (although I’m heavier than many people my height due to muscle mass). I’ve been a lot slimmer than I am now and much bigger. However now I feel more healthy.

You just need to find what suits you and your lifestyle. Unfortunately there is no quick fix but good luck

Assuming you are not on Ozempic or similar, I would speak to your GP about this, could be a sign of a health issue

Honestly try weight training, if you can afford to join a gym have a few PT sessions to get the hang of it and the right form then get a training plan and you will be amazed at how your body changes. I weight train 3/4 times a week doing a short warm up on rowing machine or stair climber and then do 3-4 different weight exercises. Super easy compared to running on a treadmill or spinning for an hour and it feels good when you go up in weight.

I fervently wish we could get away from the words ‘controlling your food’. There’s always such panic around the idea - someone up thread said ‘without controlling what you eat’.

I get it comes from the language of eating disorders and a fear of obsession about food. BUT we do need to be considered, mindful and moderate in what we eat if we are to be healthy. It’s a myth we can eat what we like and just move more. A level of healthy self control is actually needed and that’s not a route to an eating disorder for the vast majority.

I've lost a stone since the summer, by accident. I have had several viruses and have been very stressed at work. I literally ate very little for months. A small bowl of pasta or soup for lunch and in the evening, all I could bring myself to eat was cheese and crackers. Now I'm better but large meals make me feel sick and I've gone right off chocolate. Food doesn't give me the dopamine hit it used to and I'm just not interested in it any more. My mum was always very slim and always said that eating was a chore, and now I understand. I've struggled with my weight for years so am not complaining. In a way its been very liberating not to feel like a slave to food anymore and I haven't been under 9 stone in years. It's obviously not ideal but it did show me how much of a calorie deficit is needed to lose weight compared to what I previously thought.

Could you try a different one like slimming world? It’s hard as obviously you don’t want to have the disordered eating issues but also you want to be your top health and have a long and happy life.

I'd suggest myfitnesspal too. I've found It helps with accountability to a really transparent and ongoing extent . Better than WW which I've used to (I fluctuate due to neuro meds) because I think it's clearer what's going in and out rather than having the more oblique points translation, free foods etc stuff too. It's just more straightforward to me and easy to maintain. You're clearly very fit and active and don't have a huge amount to lose so I'd crack on and give it a try. Doesn't have to be super quick, you could try a slightly higher allowance and reduce it slowly.

Why do you put the weight on after weight watchers?

Are you basically going back to overeating?

If I was you I would do weight watchers but whilst you’re doing it I would be counting calories too.
And track these every week, alongside
your weight watchers gains and loses.

Eventually, you will see what calories you lose on and what you gain on (this won’t be exact as your weight will fluctuate).

Then once you’ve lost your ideal amount, you stop paying for WW and keep tracking your calories.

Instead of going back to your normal eating habits you can start introducing more treats but stick within a calorie limit.

Then you can slowly increase your calorie limit.

The sad facts are that fat cells don’t disappear and they just shrink and can easily refill again.

The idea is to get to a place where you’re not starving yourself but you carry on being mindful of what you’re eating, so you don’t put it all back on.

Those saying wegovy / ozempic / saxenda, I did that. Lost four stone. Couldn’t afford it any more. If crept back on, then the meds didn’t work when I took them again, had no effect.

I follow slimming world because for me it encouraged me to really look at what we eat as a family and they have some super simple recipes that helped me fall in love with cooking. I can’t remember the last time we ate anything out of a packet or a foil tray. I don’t cook with oil like I used to and rarely eat butter. I have skimmed milk instead of full fat and many other little changes that all add up.

snacking was also a nightmare trait of mine, worse post covid as I work fully from home and my desk was near the kitchen. I’ve now moved it into a bedroom as I don’t allow food upstairs and it’s helped me easily reduce my snacks.

the problem with diets is the huge changes which are so hard to stick to. The small changes all add up and are much more sustainable.

The solution is to cook from scratch, whole ingredients and cut out junk food.

Myfitnesspal is great

My DSis swears by intermittent fasting

Been on and off many diets.
They all work in order to lose weight over the short term.

However none are sustainable behaviourally and therefore cannot be stick to.

What has finally worked for me:

Small calorie deficit (200-300kcal) which makes adherence easier.

Minimum 100g protein and 7 portions veg and fruit a day.

Logging in Nutracheck.

8,000-12,000 steps daily.

It's slower, but far easier to stick to. Also there is acceptance from me that maintaining will look very similiar.

I have off days still, but don't worry and just get back on track following day.

It's a cliché but it's a lifestyle change and a new set of habits.

Lost 2 stone this way.

Nothing cut out

Why do you have to join weight watchers to follow the diet?

Recipes are all available online, maybe just follow it how you have previously and log all your meals on my fitness pal? Is there anyone you could have a weekly or fortnightly weigh in with, so you're accountable to someone?

I could’ve written this post myself. Same size as you, similar BMI, also active in that I run regularly etc. the only thing that’s ever worked for me is using MyFitness Pal which I intend to start up again in the new year.