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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset with friend over her attitude on Christmas day

82 replies

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:05

So I have a close friend who's past Christmases have been hard for her for various reasons. She has no family so I invited her with us on Christmas day for dinner. She asked what she could contribute I said desserts and we agreed shed bring dessert for the day. She arrived 1.5 hrs late with no dessert and so we had nothing for after our Christmas Dinner. She said she ran out of money which is fine but she could have let me know so i could go out and get something to have. I'm a parent to an SEN toddler and we had a lovely morning opening thier presets but when my friend arrived the mood changed. She was very negative, sullen, snarky and even made an incredibly rude comment to my mum. There was an argument and so I took that chance to ask everyone to leave. I feel really upset with my friend for her behaviour and feel like I should have never invited her and now I don't know how to broach the subject and what to say to her. I've known her for many years and we are close. But I feel like it was my baby's Christmas too and I should have been able to enjoy it with them and not tiptoe around the fact that my friend was upset and wasn't enjoying herself. Its been an incredibly difficult year for me too and im a huge lover of Christmas time. Aibu to be really upset about this. I get that she's feeling sad but feel like she ruined Christmas for myself and my child. And don't know what to do going forward

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 26/12/2023 14:09

I think that answers why she was at a loose end with nowhere else to go this Christmas.

Take a few days and see how you feel before deciding whether you speak to her about it.

But whatever you do, don’t be a mug. No more Christmas invites for her.

LeilaDarling · 26/12/2023 14:10

She’s not a friend - start the new year without her.

Dingdongdog · 26/12/2023 14:10

Poor you. I guess it depends....why was she late? Why didn't she let you know about dessert....? What did she say to your mum?

cansu · 26/12/2023 14:11

That is awful behaviour. She should have either declined or behaved like a pleasant guest. You don't need to do anything until she apologises.

Birdcar · 26/12/2023 14:12

It's done now. Just don't invite her again.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 26/12/2023 14:13

I’d leave it until you’re much less angry, and then tell her how disappointed you were about being left with no dessert/pudding after she’d promised it. No mention of her mood or the argument, let her bring that up if she’s brave enough.

Her sort of poor behaviour would result in not being invited for Christmas dinner ever again. Close friend or not. Eff that!

Thesearmsofmine · 26/12/2023 14:13

That sounds awful, I could forgive the being late, the lack of dessert but the being rude and upsetting others is not on.
Maybe she wasn’t feeling up to being jolly etc but if that’s the case she shouldn’t have come or pasted on her best happy face and just stayed for a couple of hours.

SgtJuneAckland · 26/12/2023 14:13

Who had the argument?

x2boys · 26/12/2023 14:14

She was very rude ,if she wasn't feeling it and couldn,t trust herself to behsve like an adult she should have stayed home .

TempestTost · 26/12/2023 14:15

It's a drag, but done now. I don't think I'd bring it up with her, no point.

Maybe she was in a bad mood because she felt bad about the dessert? But in any case her behaviour was inappropriate. She'd have been better to make an excuse and not come.

Just don't invite her again. There will be more Christmases, and your little one will have lots of others.

toomuchfaff · 26/12/2023 14:15

You've known her for many years, and are close

So was her behaviour out of character? were you aghast with surprise to how she behaved? or is this her normal style of behaviour and anticipated?

Just because you've known her for years shouldn't be the reason you keep toxic people around and entertain them.

Original poster
Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:17

Yes I can be rather niave at times so I can see it now why she had no plans. I will be thinking very hard on our friendship going forward that's for sure

OP posts:
FairytaleOfKent · 26/12/2023 14:17

I wouldn't even stay friends with someone like that if she apologised. Being in a bad mood doesn't justify being rude to loved ones. You're better off without someone like that in your life.

Original poster
Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:18

My friend and my mum and I kind of reffereed and defused. All while my child was present who is still very young.

OP posts:
CaptainThomasPatButtonHall · 26/12/2023 14:23

That would be the end of the friendship for me

Original poster
Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:26

I think that's what I'm going to say to her. And I will ask her to apologise to my mum for saying something so upsetting

OP posts:
meganorks · 26/12/2023 14:29

To be honest, I probably wouldn't do anything. What's done is done. Your child will be none the wiser. Don't get in contact with your friend at all. Either she will get in contact to apologise and you can decide if you still want to be friends or not. Or she won't and that gives you a firm answer. No more invites though regardless!

CoconutPrize · 26/12/2023 14:36

I have a slightly different perspective - although her behaviour can't be excused, it's abhorrent - I do wonder if she's suffering from depression and a nice family gathering like yours, was too much to bear? It can be very difficult to witness a close family unit on such a joyous day, when you yourself don't have this set up. Although it's extremely kind of you to invite her to participate in yours, she will have been acutely aware that she's the outsider, the interloper who has no family of her own to celebrate with, so has received the pity invite. Christmas is such a horrible period for a lot of people and it only highlights what you don't have. It can hurt like hell. If you can find it in your heart, don't give up on her just yet.

CiaraLiara · 26/12/2023 14:37

What did she say to your mum?

JANEY205 · 26/12/2023 14:38

What did she say to your Mum!? I’d drop her for that alone if she causes that much upset. How dare she?!

Paperbagsaremine · 26/12/2023 14:41

What's done is done, but for whatever reason, her coming over to yours for Xmas Day didn't work, didn't bring out the best in her, she didn't enjoy it and you (very understandably) hated it - so...
a) don't do THAT again!
b) if you do patch things up, be a lot more ready to nix suggestions that you think will go pearshaped.

You're not a MH professional and let's face it, even they have an uphill task, so just accept her as she is and manage your interactions accordingly:(

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2023 14:44

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:17

Yes I can be rather niave at times so I can see it now why she had no plans. I will be thinking very hard on our friendship going forward that's for sure

Why did you ask everyone to leave?

Luxell934 · 26/12/2023 14:46

Who had the argument that bit isn't clear and what was the argument about?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/12/2023 14:47

No good deed goes unpunished!

Isobel201 · 26/12/2023 14:48

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2023 14:44

Why did you ask everyone to leave?

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My thoughts exactly.

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