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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really upset with friend over her attitude on Christmas day

82 replies

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:05

So I have a close friend who's past Christmases have been hard for her for various reasons. She has no family so I invited her with us on Christmas day for dinner. She asked what she could contribute I said desserts and we agreed shed bring dessert for the day. She arrived 1.5 hrs late with no dessert and so we had nothing for after our Christmas Dinner. She said she ran out of money which is fine but she could have let me know so i could go out and get something to have. I'm a parent to an SEN toddler and we had a lovely morning opening thier presets but when my friend arrived the mood changed. She was very negative, sullen, snarky and even made an incredibly rude comment to my mum. There was an argument and so I took that chance to ask everyone to leave. I feel really upset with my friend for her behaviour and feel like I should have never invited her and now I don't know how to broach the subject and what to say to her. I've known her for many years and we are close. But I feel like it was my baby's Christmas too and I should have been able to enjoy it with them and not tiptoe around the fact that my friend was upset and wasn't enjoying herself. Its been an incredibly difficult year for me too and im a huge lover of Christmas time. Aibu to be really upset about this. I get that she's feeling sad but feel like she ruined Christmas for myself and my child. And don't know what to do going forward

OP posts:
Vhrukn · 26/12/2023 15:52

Don't invite her again.

I did exactly the same with a friend with BPD. She absolutely ruined Christmas and shouted at my child.

I'll never have her round again at Christmas, if she's alone that's on her because of her behaviour.

nutster · 26/12/2023 15:53

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:53

Because its Christmas day, I have a disabled 4 year old who is witnessing all this and I didn't want thier home to be filled with shouting, swearing, negativity and arguments. I asked my friend to leave then after asked my mum to leave

let me guess

your mother is no saint and very much up for an argument and confrontation at the drop of the hat

I am also guessing that this scenario was awash with alcohol

Couldyounot · 26/12/2023 15:53

I think that answers why she was at a loose end with nowhere else to go this Christmas.

Yeah, this. Also, if your Mum can't keep her temper either then you are perfectly within your rights to ask her to leave too

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2023 15:55

Maybe she didn't actually want to be there but felt obliged to say yes. She should've said no, she obviously wanted to be alone.

Caththegreat · 26/12/2023 15:55

Not fair.a lot of people are very kind and still have no one.

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2023 15:56

Caththegreat · 26/12/2023 15:55

Not fair.a lot of people are very kind and still have no one.

I was talking about her specifically not people alone at Christmas in general.

Densol57 · 26/12/2023 16:01

If you want balanced views, then explain yourself properly.

What happened, and who said what. What did you do as a result. Drip feeds do not help anyone to understand.

GrandParade · 26/12/2023 16:06

Densol57 · 26/12/2023 16:01

If you want balanced views, then explain yourself properly.

What happened, and who said what. What did you do as a result. Drip feeds do not help anyone to understand.

Yes, and also, does ‘everyone’ (as in ‘asking everyone to leave’) just mean your friend and your mother? It’s not clear to me whether they were the only two guests.

ChristmasAgainWTAF · 26/12/2023 16:10

I wouldn't be friends with somebody so selfish. If she was a real friend she would have said she wasn't feeling up to it, and not have came over. I would have only asked her to leave and not everybody. I would have said "I can see you're not yourself, i think you should go home for a rest, and speak when you feel abit better."

irisgg7 · 26/12/2023 16:26

Op you need to give the full story...no one can understand otherwise.

Strawberryjams · 26/12/2023 16:27

@Cakepop940 wonder if you are my neighbour. Did the shouting, argument and swearing descend into the street?

All I can say is she certainly wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I personally would have kicked her out and enjoyed celebrating with everyone else. Upsetting loved ones is a big no from me.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/12/2023 16:29

It sounds as though she may be one of those people who, when they are feeling low, have to bring everybody else down with them. It's really awful. You have to distance yourself from her because she'll end up trying to destroy everything you have.

aramox1 · 26/12/2023 16:30

Maybe you can remember it as a Christmas where you tried to help someone, rather than holding onto the idea that your Christmas was ruined? Still lots of time to have fun together.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 26/12/2023 16:31

Be direct. Ask her if she's OK because she came as she seemed incredibly upset etc and open the conversation that way in a gentle way.

Rather diving in with accusations and she may even apologise before you get to the.. Well the thing is it made the day very uncomfortable for us all.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 16:35

She sounds very immature but why did you ask everyone to leave? Who else was there?

DewHopper · 26/12/2023 16:54

LeilaDarling · 26/12/2023 14:10

She’s not a friend - start the new year without her.

This

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 26/12/2023 17:03

I can see why you’re upset. Personally, I’d probably let it go & box it off as a lesson learned & just keep Christmas low key going forward. Close family.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 26/12/2023 17:07

What were your friend and mum arguing about?! Do they already know each other? Were they both drinking?

raindropsonatinroof · 26/12/2023 17:17

I would not tolerate inviting someone to Christmas and having them kick off, be rude to my own mum and be late. That person would no longer be my friend.

Depression is not an excuse. I have been depressed in the past and it's not carte blanche to treat people like shit. If you can't handle being around others then you politely cancel.

Cornishclio · 26/12/2023 17:25

Did your mum actually do any thing wrong? I can see why you wanted the arguing to stop but if your friend caused it I would just have asked her to leave. Don't bother with her in the future and patch things up with your mum unless you feel she was partly to blame.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 26/12/2023 17:53

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 26/12/2023 15:05

Why did you punish your Mum for your friend's behaviour? Confused

This. Your friend behaved terribly but your poor mum should not have been asked to leave too. That's very hurtful and odd of you to do that

3luckystars · 26/12/2023 17:54

No dessert on Christmas Day? That’s the worst bit for me, I couldn’t get past that.

DinaofCloud9 · 26/12/2023 17:56

Your poor mum.

MikeRafone · 26/12/2023 18:00

id be pulling her up on her behaviour

Dear Friend

I extend a warm welcome to my home at xmas and did not expect this invite to be returned with a negative mood to put a damper on the day. I can understand if you don't have enough money for pudding - but a heads up on the situation before the shops close would have been helpful. The way you spoke to my mother wasn't acceptable, I'd like to know how or what you are going to do to put this right?

tell he without emotion its not acceptable to behave how she did, tell her what she did and then give it to her to put right. If there is not an answer - that then gives you all you need to know. If though you get a decent answer - again it gives you all you need to know. Let her sort out what should be done and you decide whether its enough

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 26/12/2023 18:01

3luckystars · 26/12/2023 17:54

No dessert on Christmas Day? That’s the worst bit for me, I couldn’t get past that.

🤣🤣