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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset with friend over her attitude on Christmas day

82 replies

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:05

So I have a close friend who's past Christmases have been hard for her for various reasons. She has no family so I invited her with us on Christmas day for dinner. She asked what she could contribute I said desserts and we agreed shed bring dessert for the day. She arrived 1.5 hrs late with no dessert and so we had nothing for after our Christmas Dinner. She said she ran out of money which is fine but she could have let me know so i could go out and get something to have. I'm a parent to an SEN toddler and we had a lovely morning opening thier presets but when my friend arrived the mood changed. She was very negative, sullen, snarky and even made an incredibly rude comment to my mum. There was an argument and so I took that chance to ask everyone to leave. I feel really upset with my friend for her behaviour and feel like I should have never invited her and now I don't know how to broach the subject and what to say to her. I've known her for many years and we are close. But I feel like it was my baby's Christmas too and I should have been able to enjoy it with them and not tiptoe around the fact that my friend was upset and wasn't enjoying herself. Its been an incredibly difficult year for me too and im a huge lover of Christmas time. Aibu to be really upset about this. I get that she's feeling sad but feel like she ruined Christmas for myself and my child. And don't know what to do going forward

OP posts:
Laszlomydarling · 26/12/2023 14:49

Did she definitely want to come? Or did you insist she shouldn't be alone and she felt pressured into coming?

GrandParade · 26/12/2023 14:51

Are you saying everyone else also joined in a big argument, so you threw them all out?

I don’t understand why you ‘don’t know what to say to her’ — she behaved appallingly. Why wouldn’t you just say that?

(I will admit that if I ask someone to bring something to a special meal, I will always have something in reserve myself in case they don’t show up, or forget, or bring something that won’t stretch to the numbers involved.)

Silvers11 · 26/12/2023 14:51

There was an argument and so I took that chance to ask everyone to leave.

I don't understand who 'everyone' is and why they all had to leave You've only mentioned your Mum and the 'friend'. A bit drastic to throw 'everyone' out. Why didn't you just ask the friend to leave since she was the one causing grief @Cakepop940

Original poster
Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:53

Because its Christmas day, I have a disabled 4 year old who is witnessing all this and I didn't want thier home to be filled with shouting, swearing, negativity and arguments. I asked my friend to leave then after asked my mum to leave

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 26/12/2023 14:53

Why did you ask everyone to leave instead of just your friend?

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 26/12/2023 14:54

As you have been friends for quite some time, I wouldn't cut the connection immediately. However, if she really is a friend, she should realise that her behaviour was upsetting and an apology is in order. If she doesn't empathise with your feelings of disappointment and hurt, then she might not be worth persevering with.

wutheringkites · 26/12/2023 14:58

Who is 'everyone'? Your friend and your mum or were there others as well?

TwentyThreeFifteen · 26/12/2023 15:03

I’m with @meganorks tbh.

ilovesooty · 26/12/2023 15:03

Laszlomydarling · 26/12/2023 14:49

Did she definitely want to come? Or did you insist she shouldn't be alone and she felt pressured into coming?

I'm not a fan of Christmas but I'm capable of behaving with civility and decency if I'm invited somewhere, and of gracefully declining invitations I don't want to accept.

She deserves to be cut off - disgracefully rude behaviour.

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 26/12/2023 15:05

Why did you punish your Mum for your friend's behaviour? Confused

muddyford · 26/12/2023 15:11

If any friend of mine was incredibly rude to my mother and didn't apologise immediately, that would be the end of that friendship.

dapsnotplimsolls · 26/12/2023 15:13

I'd leave it and see if she apologises.

gamerchick · 26/12/2023 15:13

You both owe your mother an apology.

GRex · 26/12/2023 15:19

Forget dessert etc, I would work around that, but nobody would get to turn up at my home and be rude to my mother at any time of year, never mind Christmas. I'd ignore her and if contacted would say that I'm not interested in continuing a connection due to her being rude to my mother in my house. You'll find you're better off without a "friend" who just brings chaos and unhappiness.

squashi · 26/12/2023 15:22

Was that sort of behaviour out of character for her? It's pretty out of order, but as she's a close friend perhaps consider a discussion about it after the dust has settled.

kittylion2 · 26/12/2023 15:22

I would have been upset at being asked to leave if I were your Mum - what had she done wrong?

Silvers11 · 26/12/2023 15:33

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:53

Because its Christmas day, I have a disabled 4 year old who is witnessing all this and I didn't want thier home to be filled with shouting, swearing, negativity and arguments. I asked my friend to leave then after asked my mum to leave

This is beginning to sound VERY odd quite frankly. Your friend comes over, is in a bad mood and spoiling the day, is very rude to your Mother , by your own account - and you ask your MUM to leave as well?

In fact you said you ' took the opportunity to ask everyone to leave' so I suspect there is background that we aren't being told - or you're just bored and posting something random on Mumsnet, for wind up?

Charlize43 · 26/12/2023 15:33

What was her reaction on being asked to leave? Did she get all arsey about it and throw a strop?

NameChangerGameChanger2 · 26/12/2023 15:39

The only unreasonable part was asking everyone to leave - she should have been asked to leave

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 26/12/2023 15:41

kittylion2 · 26/12/2023 15:22

I would have been upset at being asked to leave if I were your Mum - what had she done wrong?

Possibly she allowed the comment made by the friend to escalate into an argument . One person can be rude but it takes two to make an argument . And it's not appropriate for a young child to witness whoever's fault it is .

stayathomer · 26/12/2023 15:45

Did you say are you ok, what’s happened, what’s wrong? I’m sorry op but it just seems a bit mad for someone to turn up that late without a reason. You were under pressure so fair enough you lost it a little but I think it all depends on what was wrong with her. Also, always have some alternative to what people say they’re going to bring just in case (found out because of people not being able to come last minute).

lto2019 · 26/12/2023 15:49

Cakepop940 · 26/12/2023 14:05

So I have a close friend who's past Christmases have been hard for her for various reasons. She has no family so I invited her with us on Christmas day for dinner. She asked what she could contribute I said desserts and we agreed shed bring dessert for the day. She arrived 1.5 hrs late with no dessert and so we had nothing for after our Christmas Dinner. She said she ran out of money which is fine but she could have let me know so i could go out and get something to have. I'm a parent to an SEN toddler and we had a lovely morning opening thier presets but when my friend arrived the mood changed. She was very negative, sullen, snarky and even made an incredibly rude comment to my mum. There was an argument and so I took that chance to ask everyone to leave. I feel really upset with my friend for her behaviour and feel like I should have never invited her and now I don't know how to broach the subject and what to say to her. I've known her for many years and we are close. But I feel like it was my baby's Christmas too and I should have been able to enjoy it with them and not tiptoe around the fact that my friend was upset and wasn't enjoying herself. Its been an incredibly difficult year for me too and im a huge lover of Christmas time. Aibu to be really upset about this. I get that she's feeling sad but feel like she ruined Christmas for myself and my child. And don't know what to do going forward

I would say exactly what you said here. If she apologises with something that you can accept then you can maybe move forward. If she doesn't - don't have anything more to do with her.

momonpurpose · 26/12/2023 15:51

This would be the end of the friendship for me

nutster · 26/12/2023 15:51

you asked everyone to leave?

So others behaved badly too?

Jk8 · 26/12/2023 15:52

• directly = let her have it, she behaved appallingly & couldn't even be arsed to let you know beforehand she hadn't got anything for dessert when she would have known the day before that she wasn't going out to pick anything up

•passive aggressively = wait a full year then make a point of specifically not inviting her "because of how you acted last year" or changing her conversation about her plans too 'good I wouldnt have you back after last year'

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