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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think refrigerated breastmilk doesn’t have to be hidden?

79 replies

Calmondeck · 26/12/2023 13:33

Staying with lovely in-laws… but a Christmas guest, extended family, remarked “well, I must say I’m a little put off my tea after seeing breastmilk in the fridge”.

Cue chuckles round the table saying “oh yes, I spotted that too, got quite the shock”

Because it’s Christmas everyone is diving into the fridge to grab things and make space etc etc

But AIBU to think my expressed milk doesn’t have to be hidden?

OP posts:
Cinderellanellabella · 27/12/2023 07:03

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 26/12/2023 15:39

What is it that they find shocking?

I'd have to ask.

Agree. I am a little confused about why they find it so shocking.

Christmasconcerts · 27/12/2023 07:03

There is no way I would waste precious pumped milk in someone else’s coffee.

I can’t really understand this, it is just milk.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 27/12/2023 07:03

festivepains · 26/12/2023 15:29

That's disgusting. Why are so many people suggesting putting human bodily fluids in drinks presumably without the recipients permission.

Show quote history

You’re one of OP’s guests aren’t you 😂😂

”don’t worry I’d not use it in your tea-I wouldn’t waste it on you”

IAmAnIdiot123 · 27/12/2023 07:04

It could be the split milk thing. I hate seeing it when it separates as it just makes me think of gone off milk. Unluckily I don't have this problem as I've only ever been able to pump about 2oz so my baby has to be fed at breast, no storing required, but the little I did pump did look grim after resting in the fridge.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 27/12/2023 07:05

(I say unluckily because I would love to pump and allow dp to feed as give me a break but my body just hates me apparently)

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:08

ManateeFair · 26/12/2023 13:53

It doesn’t have to be hidden, of course not! They’re being daft.

I think openness around breastfeeding has changed a lot over recent years. Expressing and keeping milk wasn’t really a thing when my mum and dad were new parents for instance, and neither was breastfeeding in public. Obviously things have changed for the better now - but maybe it’s just surprising for people of that generation to see this stuff. They shouldn’t have said anything, though; it was rude of them.

If they’re younger and have zero experience of babies, maybe they’re just not au fait with what’s normal re. breast milk, but again, they should kept quiet about it. Plenty of people do find it hard to think of breast milk as being different from any other human bodily fluid (including me) but that’s their problem, not yours!

how old are these people, OP?
Because I'm over 60 and i pumped and refrigerated, i breastfed everywhere (and until DC2 was 18 months old) and nobody batted an eyelid. Those DCs are now having DCs of their own and it's not A Thing.

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:11

NotARealWookiie · 27/12/2023 06:22

Oh I find the older generations are so obsessed with everything about how you feed your baby. No one my age asks how you are feeding but everyone older asks. I find many are judgey if it’s not breastfeeding but also heaven forbid if you breastfeed publicly!

I had the opposite. My milk drank my breasts ill when I expressed, on purpose, even though I asked her not to. Vile.

Try to ignore them.

MN never lets you down with the ageism, does it?

Ascubudr · 27/12/2023 07:12

Calmondeck · 27/12/2023 06:15

I’m so glad to hear all but one responders think this is bizarre too. My DH thinks it was shocking to some of his relatives because (1) they are elderly and (2) the creamy part of the breastmilk separates in the fridge rising to the tops of the bottle so it appears more ‘organic’(?!) than cows milk

No idea whether this theory could be correct but the commenter had her children 70 years ago, and I’ve since found out had PND and moved in with her own mother who fed the baby, so this might have something to do with it

Possible we need to cut those in their 90's a bit of slack , she must have experienced war as a child had her babies during rationing, I'm sure many had PND. Isn't it great we are more open these days. Doesthis person not have grandchildren? I wonder how they were fed.

Ascubudr · 27/12/2023 07:13

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:08

how old are these people, OP?
Because I'm over 60 and i pumped and refrigerated, i breastfed everywhere (and until DC2 was 18 months old) and nobody batted an eyelid. Those DCs are now having DCs of their own and it's not A Thing.

Show quote history

As I said upthread I remember DM doing this in the mod eighties, she is nearly 78.

Fixyourself · 27/12/2023 07:26

I would have wapped out a tit and squirted them each in the face making 'pew' noises!

Mumoftwo1312 · 27/12/2023 07:59

Fixyourself · 27/12/2023 07:26

I would have wapped out a tit and squirted them each in the face making 'pew' noises!

Omg there's a religious painting of a Saint doing this to a priest hang on lemme find it

Mumoftwo1312 · 27/12/2023 08:03

@Fixyourself there's loads of them actually haha if you Google "lactation of St Bernard". The saint is the virgin Mary. Here's a good one

To think refrigerated breastmilk doesn’t have to be hidden?
Brefugee · 27/12/2023 08:06

blimey that is EXCELLENT!

DollyPartonsBeard · 27/12/2023 08:28

I would advocate labelling refrigerated breast milk in case a family member pops it in their lunch bag with their flask of tea (sorry dad)

margegunderson · 27/12/2023 08:32

We used to offer guests red top, soya or breast in their tea. Jokingly - but all three were in the fridge.

Fifthtimelucky · 27/12/2023 09:17

Calmondeck · 27/12/2023 06:15

I’m so glad to hear all but one responders think this is bizarre too. My DH thinks it was shocking to some of his relatives because (1) they are elderly and (2) the creamy part of the breastmilk separates in the fridge rising to the tops of the bottle so it appears more ‘organic’(?!) than cows milk

No idea whether this theory could be correct but the commenter had her children 70 years ago, and I’ve since found out had PND and moved in with her own mother who fed the baby, so this might have something to do with it

That's weird. Elderly people will have been brought up with cream rising to the top of cows' milk too. It's only now that most milk is homogenised that we don't see it. When I was young (and I'm only in my early 60s) it was common for people to refer to "the top of the milk". My father liked it as a treat on his cornflakes.

I recently went back to buying milk from a milkman and I always buy un-homogenised whole milk. I much prefer it.

Nothingbuttheglory · 27/12/2023 09:28

What is it that they find shocking?

I can see how they might have idly opened the fridge door thinking "Mmm, what delicious Christmas goodies have we here? Shall I have the Stilton? Maybe. Shall I have the chocolate mousse? Maybe. Shall I have the... breast milk? Um no." I don't think being taken aback by unexpected bodily fluids should be taken as either criticism of OP or of breastfeeding per se.

Angrycat2768 · 27/12/2023 09:28

I would say that they are drinking cows breast milk in their tea. Old people don't get a free pass to be rude about others. They haven't been living in a bubble since the 1950's. They have lived with change. Its not rude to matter of factly point out that all milk is breast milk. The bottle in the fridge just happens to be human, for your human baby.

Nothingbuttheglory · 27/12/2023 09:29

But to answer your question OP, no you don't have to hide it.

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2023 09:31

festivepains · 26/12/2023 15:08

It is vile to put human breast milk in someone's coffee to make a point.

Show quote history

It’s a joke

And it wouldn’t be vile, that is OTT

CecilyP · 27/12/2023 09:41

lalaland2024 · 27/12/2023 06:27

she had her children 70 years ago? So she's what, in her 90s?? Possibly a generational thing? I'm assuming breastmilk being stored in a fridge wasn't a thing in the 1950s (I mean I don't know for sure as I was born in the mid 80s, but I'd guess not!)

You can know pretty much for sure as most people in the U.K. didn’t own a fridge!

Kwasi · 27/12/2023 10:15

When I was pregnant, my husband told me I was not allowed to breastfeed in public because it was akin to him wanking in public.

I kid you not!

WaltzingWaters · 27/12/2023 10:21

Oh jeez they’re ridiculous. Ignore them.

Badassbreastfeeder85 · 27/12/2023 10:24

Where do they think cows milk comes from 🤣

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 27/12/2023 10:25

Different generation who probably think boobs are just for sex and making your christmas jumpers hang nicely.
I'd point out that if you hadn't labeled the milk they may have put it in their tea!

When sleep deprived with DD2 I did put my own milk in my tea by mistake - tasted fine!