To think this is a bit evil to do to a child?

[frenchtipss]

DD bday is Christmas Day. She spent morning at mine and in afternoon went to her dads. His partner has three kids and they have one together, her kids were at their dads and due back for new years.

DD dad didn't let her open any presents - birthday or Christmas yesterday- she has to wait until the other kids are back as they are doing a party then. Last week DD was up for this idea but yesterday, on her actual bday and Xmas, she changed her mind but wasn't allowed to even open one.

I think that's evil and it's her bday so should have at least been able t open those presents. DD was disappointed but will be happy to have presents next week when other kids are back.

What do you think? Is that normal?!

If it were true it would be pretty bad. But I must say I think it is completely made up

She wasn't allowed to open her own birthday presents ?! I think that's hideous.

Did she see the presents sitting? If not I’d wonder if he hadn’t got them yet.

Yes this is what I think too.
Poor DD.
And yeh not evil but totally shit way to treat DD. Poor kid. But wow what an amazing person she must be too, to not tell her dad to F off! Your dd sounds totally awesome OP. Hopefully it won't be long before she can decide if she wants to visit her twat dad, or if she'd prefer being at home with you.

😂😂
It's Mumsnet, you just have to go with the flow

He probably hadn't bought her presents yet.

She should have been allowed her birthday presents, although I can see why they wanted to delay the Christmas ones until everyone was together (maybe unkind rather than evil).

I was thinking the same.

If the other kids weren't around it should have been a perfect opportunity to make her birthday all about her, then have "Christmas" whenever all the kids could be together.

So her father didn't give her a birthday present on her birthday? What a prat.

Agreed. I've had the same thing done to me by a family member when I was young. Exactly the same present as my 2 siblings, but mine was a "combined" present.

That's not child centered at all. I would be concerned her needs are coming second generally.

I think evil is too strong, I thought they'd been abused from reading your title. I think it's mean as she should have been able to open her birthday presents as it's her day. The Christmas side of present giving I'd be ok with. I'm sure it won't have traumatised her and that she'll go on to live a good life 🙄

Christmas gifts I could sort of justify if he'd let her open her birthday gifts. I'm worried about her self esteem as she's basically being told her needs are not as important as the step siblings. What a wanker.

They should give her her birthday present

Yet another man listening to the dictates of his dick over his child’s needs.

YANBU, OP. Is your dd back home?

I wouldn’t send her back for the presents. She can open them on dad’s next contact day.

mean nasty man! I can see why he is your ex...

What a mean twat. Poor kid should have stayed at home with the parent who actually gives a shit.

It's my birthday in November and my oh has his mid January. We have decided to celebrate our birthdays in spring and summer as having them so close together means we miss out. Having three celebrations so close is overkill. I also have two friends with Christmas day birthdays, one celebrates in June and the other has his birthday till 6pm and Christmas in the evening, it's harder now his kids are 8 and 6 and he is thinking of moving birthday celebrations to June too.

Mean and nasty to not even let her have her birthday presents. I like others think there is no birthday present, only a combined gift. And as someone with a Christmas birthday, I hated that as a child. My birthday was almost never celebrated, I don't think I got a stand alone birthday gift until I was about 30 and the then boyfriend had heard my gripes and got me two gifts, one wrapped in birthday paper, one Christmas paper.

One of my children has a Christmas adjacent birthday and I make sure to always buy a separate gift, and not combine the two. Even when I've bought expensive items for Christmas, I spend the same on the birthday gift as I would were it any other time of year.

Also this would only be fair if the other children have to wait until your dd is at theirs to open any birthday gifts. I will bet that never happens.

Really horrible - have a strong word.

I actually think ‘evil’ is entirely appropriate OP.

Withholding birthday presents from a little girl for a WHOLE WEEK so a bunch of random kids can be there (aka putting random kids first before birthday girl) is low level evil and I worry for how she’s seen by her dad and SM

Yea it makes no sense. Why isn’t her dad letting her open gifts on her actual birthday? Did they celebrate her birthday in others ways with cake etc.

Not evil but mean and unkind.
Opening some of the presents wouldn't have hurt surely.

Very cruel.. I'm crying for her

but, but are you really?

Totally agree.

I thought at first the OP was going to say the DD was a teen, 16 years plus, which still would have been shit but to do that to a just 11 year old!

The step mother’s DC certainly are more prioritised than the OP’s DD. Assume they didn’t open their presents from their Mum due to being at their Dad’s (where they probably opened their presents from him) so OP’s DD was prevented from opening hers at her Dads. Nothing to do with her that the SM’s DC weren’t there. To include her birthday gifts as well is totally illogical.

I’d be very clear to the Dad that I would not tolerate my DD being upset due to his and his partner’s ridiculous decisions, which are actually emotionally abusive, ever again.