To think this is a bit evil to do to a child?

[frenchtipss]

DD bday is Christmas Day. She spent morning at mine and in afternoon went to her dads. His partner has three kids and they have one together, her kids were at their dads and due back for new years.

DD dad didn't let her open any presents - birthday or Christmas yesterday- she has to wait until the other kids are back as they are doing a party then. Last week DD was up for this idea but yesterday, on her actual bday and Xmas, she changed her mind but wasn't allowed to even open one.

I think that's evil and it's her bday so should have at least been able t open those presents. DD was disappointed but will be happy to have presents next week when other kids are back.

What do you think? Is that normal?!

Weird. Awful.

That seems very mean.

My cynical mind goes to the (likely) fact is her combined birthday and Christmas gifts equate to her stepsiblings' Christmas only gifts.

If she opened her birthday gifts, it would obvious at the delayed Christmas event she was being treated unfairly.

Just my cynical mind, mind you.

Opening some on xmas morning and the rest later in the day is NOT the same thing as not being allowed to open either birthday or xmas gifts till New year!!! DD's dad is cruel and mean.

Oh I know but she did have her lovely morning and gifts with her mum at least. I don't think what her dad did was OK at all, just not evil.

Wow that's really crap of him, your poor DD.

We have a Christmas Day birthday in our family too and we do a switchover to "Birthday Mode" after tea. You can totally make it work but it needs to be managed which it clearly wasn't here! In fact, if they were holding off on Christmas stuff until the other kids were back surely it would have made more sense to go all-in on your DD's birthday yesterday?

Opening some Christmas presents in the morning and some in the afternoon is NOTHING like being told you can’t open not only your Christmas presents but also your birthday presents from your father until a week after your birthday, even though you are spending your birthday with said father and the presents are right there.

If her dad doesn’t want her to open anything on Christmas Day, which is also her birthday, he shouldn’t ask to have her that day. She could have opened the birthday presents even if he made her wait a week for the Christmas. He’s making her birthday all about her step-siblings.

The OP says her daughter was up for the idea earlier so I think it depends what 'changing her mind' entailed. Did she actually feel upset by it or was she just wavering. Hard to know if it was actually the Ex being nasty or not without knowing what went on in his house. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The Ex and his wife are doing a party for the daughter so it's not like they are being deliberately cruel to her. For all we know they may genuinely think it will be better to make her birthday more special.

My birthday is today and when i was much much younger i used to get a small present on the day and have an unofficial birthday in the summer holidays so it split Christmas and birthday up

Agree. And I asked did OP know about this in advance also, it's likely she did. It didn't work out and they dealt with it badly but not evil, by a long shot.

Evil is too strong a word but it’s mean. I also don’t get why she couldn’t open birthday presents. I bet the other children don’t have to wait a week and wait on her being there.

You have a very odd definition of evil.

It's inflexible and a bit mean. She will get the presents and have a party.

She should have been allowed her birthday . Shocking no to do so .

She is put on hold because of the other kids
sound spoke she didn’t have a birthday present separate form Xmas presents .

Ypur ex is showing who means more . Next year don’t let Dd go to his untill new year after all why can’t he wait like she has too.

Ok maybe evil was dramatic but cruel/mean sums it up well. DD wasn't meant to go there this year but I thought DD would enjoy seeing both and getting presents/made to feel special. I didn't know the plan re the withholding presents - I've never heard of that before. Her dad made a big deal about how it would be nice to see her on her bday.

DD wasnt wavering about wanting to open her presents. She asked and was told no. I asked several times in different ways as I was in disbelief.

A bit odd and not what I would do, but not 'evil' - that's very melodramatic.

She already had presents with you in the morning.

It's not just evil it's abusive.

It sounds like he's only had your DD for half of Christmas Day because he wants his pound of flesh, not because he actually wants to share in her experiencing the magic of Christmas. If so, that's nasty and selfish.

Do all the children have to wait for the whole gang to be together before they open their birthday presents or is that a rule only imposed on your DD? I suspect the PP who said your DD's gifts combined total is the same as the others get just for Christmas is correct.

What an arse her dad is. Horrible. Poor little girl.

Agree 100% with above. Why on earth does she have to wait to open her birthday presents?

Not evil but it is mean and unnecessary

That's really shitty of your ex...i would get mad tbh. X

Really stupid idea :-( I feel awful for your daughter, like literally what is the point of waiting for a week, I doubt the other kids really care too much about her presents either.

Sounds cruel to me
Did he actually have gifts for her, were they wrapped or was he thinking get what he can in the January sales?

Your ex is a prick but I guess that’s why he’s an ex.

Why should she have to wait to open her birthday and Xmas presents for the other children to come. It's very mean and not normal. Her birthday celebrations have nothing to do with the other siblings.