To be annoyed at PIL for ruining DH's Christmas magic??

[PopandFizz]

Hey,

Today in discussion around Santa etc, as we have an ASD, pre verbal 4 Yr old who is very developmentally delayed and has no concept of santa/Christmas etc, DH admitted he can't recall ever believing in Santa.

Now, he's always been skeptical and I already knew he was a bit of a scrooge etc it's a running joke that he's a big Christmas grump. He fins the cheesey side of Christmas cringey and dull - evem though we have a child! But today he said that it's hard to believe in Santa when he can clearly remember at 4 being able to see presents under the tree in advance of Christmas, from his parents, like literally seeing his mum put presents under the tree that were for him because at that age he could read his name and knew 'mum' 'dad' etc His parents would still go along with the santa 'tale' but made no credit to create magic.
And now he's told me this I feel so annoyed at them lol If you've seen the recent video going around about 'it'll be you in the mirror, your memories, your traditions your kids aim for at christmas with their kids' I'm like YES! No wonder he's the way he is.

Also to add - I'm not going to like fall out with them (although might make a passing dig after a wine tomorrow when I see them lol) just feel miffed!

"Everything from Father Christmas" is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start.

@Meowandthen we told DS that everyone had to pay 'Santa tax' which was why some children got more than others !

Not sure if they ever properly believed in Santa either . I definitely knew my big presents came from my parents and that my grandparents bought their presents with them when they came for lunch .

That seems a little odd. If the parents don’t pay, the children don’t get gifts? That message suggests some parents don’t love their children enough to pay this tax.

That's rubbish, I have a 28 and 20 year old. No one was ashamed back then if a 7+ year old still believed in santa 🙄

Like what?

@Meowandthen no - not at all . Kind of like income tax related to how much you earn - as an explanation of why kids from richer families got more .

You have simply proved my point that children of richer parents get more.

The message is not a good one. It’s why children should be taught that most gifts are bought by parents.

Don't you just love MN. On another thread people are lambasting those who think it isn't unreasonable to walk out on 5 minutes of prayer on Christmas day when your husband and his family are all practicing Christians because Christianity is made up / false, but here's the thread where the PILs should have forced their child to believe in a made up entity.

@Redpaisley

Well, for a start it means children don't thank the people who gave them presents. People who gave presents don't have the pleasure of watching them being opened. Children understandably don't learn that some children have more or less than they do-obviously Father Christmas can just provide everything......

Well bugger me. Of ALL the trials and tribulations of parenting - the potty training, the weaning, the constant worrying, the navigating their friendships, their issues and their health, their attitudes and their grievances, where you send them to school etc….of all the things I thought I needed to factor into “things I need to worry about and get right” I NEVER thought one of those things would be “making a Christmas magical enough for a future DIL to approve of”.

None of your business. They don’t have to meet your standards of ‘magical’. What a ridiculous thread. If that’s the worst thing you can point to about them then they did an amazing job raising your DH. My MIL left my FIL when DH was 9 and immediately moved another man into their family home. I think that was especially shit parenting but I manage to not be a self centered dick and decide that gives me the right to be angry at her.

Also “I won’t fall out with them” - I should think not. I’d laugh in your face if you fell out with me because my son didn’t believe in Santa as a kid.

FWIW my parents did the whole magical mystery suspense thing to the nth degree and I never believed in Santa. I was a cynical and logical child.

People seem to think it’s normal (and desirable) for kids to believe in Santa until year 6… 10/11 year old children definitely know how much stuff costs.

They can also count- they know the difference if Santa brings them 1 present but brings their friend 6.

It’s all just silliness.

The whole bloody thing is just pointless rubbish.

Lots of replies, sorry was enjoying Christmas day #2 at my inlaws.

To cover some common points:

• Probably the most important bit- DH family didn't have stockings. PIL tradition was that Santa & the elves made all the presents, some paid for by parents and family, and then delivered them and he got one present from Santa. So by putting the presents under the tree they were negating the story/tradition they told as clearly santa wasnt delivering them. My reaction was, why would you go with that version if you wanted to do that?!

• Incidentally this is also the version of the story my own family had, we just got a selection box from santa but he made them all and delivered them So its not a differing tradition its them cant be arsed to follow through - a common theme for them as parents

• MIL was one of those people putting their lights up at the start of November, much much less common 30 years ago, and was Christmas mad which embarrassed DH to no end. So it is odd that she went to those extents but didn't think through this. We have a running laugh about how Christmas mad she was and how DH was always mortified cos kids at school would comment (probably another reason he doesn't like Christmas lol)

-My level of annoyance was like 'ugh that's so annoying and typical of them' not 'they are terrible parents, I can't stand them' blah blah. Some people seem to think I'm annoyed and there were going to be pistols at sundown.

• No I wasn't drunk, high or whatever else. This was just a light hearted post but clearly not been taken that way. Some of you are just plain rude 🤣

Finally, did I make a comment?
I did bring it up, I was sober, I just said 'what's this I hear about you putting presents under the tree when santa was meant to be delivering them?'
MIL said 'I didn't want to hide them in my room incase he found them' and FIL shook his head and said 'I used to get so annoyed with her for this, I told her all the time he's not an idiot'

So there you have it. Clearly my miffed-ness was unreasonable 🤣🤣

Having read your update I'm still none the wiser as to what the problem is. There are loads of different ways of doing Father Christmas. We had stockings but none of the elves making stuff business and none of the FC delivering anything other than little stocking bits.

I don't understand what the problem is with your in-laws doing it their way.

I still don’t get why this matters or why this has anything to do with you, tbh. Is your husband as “annoyed” about this as you are?

None of that makes any sense whatsoever it’s gobbledegook. Surely you are still pissed?

Father Christmas only brings the stocking and one gift from the letter the DC wrote to him.

The other gifts are from family and friends and can be popped under the tree.

I grew up with the notion of Santa delivering all the gifts which, even as a child, I found unbelievable.

Don't be the dil who gets pissed and makes barbed remarks to her in-laws - you don't want that to be part of the memories your own kids form about Christmas. And dh won't thank you. Your in-laws are under no obligation to have raised their child in a way that you see fit!

And remember that one day you might get the mil getting snarky comments from your son or daughter in law, because you didn't meet their arbitrarily decided standards

If she wanted to do Christmas from November, that's her business and none of yours. I can't believe you raised it with her, like she owes you justification.

And it's normal for kids to be embarrassed about stuff their parents do - if your dh wasn't busy being embarrassed by her early Christmas, there would have been something else mil did that embarrassed him. That's the nature of parents and kids!

I didn't 'raise it with her' I asked her 'how come' essentially in a light hearted manner.
To me, what's the point in going along with a specific version of a story to discount that very story with your actions was the point of my post...

I feel sorry for the relationship some of you have with your in Laws if you can't joke about something like this with them.

Me and DH (and then with my in laws when I mentioned it) laughed about the absurdness of this and it was a 'as if you did this?! Lol' kind of moment.

People on MN really need to lighten up...

Batshit.

I understood from your utterly garbled first post that you were annoyed with your in laws because they did Christmas “wrong” and as a result of their shit parenting their adult son is as an adult rendered a permanent miserable git? It’s very hard to understand what you mean from your posts but that seemed to be the gist of it initially. The subsequent posts made zero sense.

You said you were “so annoyed”, “miffed” and that you want to make a “passing dig”. Now that almost everyone here thinks you are unreasonable, it was suddenly just a lighthearted joke and we all need to lighten up? Okay then…

Mine was the same, my parents sent the presents to Father Christmas and he delivered then unwrapped and left them in my bedroom. I'd be worried about waking a child up if I was to do that, and it's lonely as I just got up and played with my presents without my parents there. Also never had a stocking.

Me and DH (and then with my in laws when I mentioned it) laughed about the absurdness of this and it was a 'as if you did this?! Lol' kind of moment.
I'm still not understanding the alleged absurdity