To be annoyed at PIL for ruining DH's Christmas magic??

[PopandFizz]

Hey,

Today in discussion around Santa etc, as we have an ASD, pre verbal 4 Yr old who is very developmentally delayed and has no concept of santa/Christmas etc, DH admitted he can't recall ever believing in Santa.

Now, he's always been skeptical and I already knew he was a bit of a scrooge etc it's a running joke that he's a big Christmas grump. He fins the cheesey side of Christmas cringey and dull - evem though we have a child! But today he said that it's hard to believe in Santa when he can clearly remember at 4 being able to see presents under the tree in advance of Christmas, from his parents, like literally seeing his mum put presents under the tree that were for him because at that age he could read his name and knew 'mum' 'dad' etc His parents would still go along with the santa 'tale' but made no credit to create magic.
And now he's told me this I feel so annoyed at them lol If you've seen the recent video going around about 'it'll be you in the mirror, your memories, your traditions your kids aim for at christmas with their kids' I'm like YES! No wonder he's the way he is.

Also to add - I'm not going to like fall out with them (although might make a passing dig after a wine tomorrow when I see them lol) just feel miffed!

Please don't create issues out of nothing!

Is this a serious post?
Nothing to be annoyed with them about.

My little bag of chocolate gold coins says this thread will have disappeared by the morning as the poster will eventually realise how ridiculous she is.

My DC sees presents under the tree from me, and gets presents from family whenever we see them in the run up. I'll be sure to let him know how unreasonable I am next time he dares enjoy that 🙄

Also the forcing children to "believe" 🤢 is a very recent phenomenon, going along with gentle parenting and the like. 20 years ago parents would be ashamed of having a 7+ child that believed in Father Christmas. Parenting fashions change and infantilising children, and encouraging them to believe in Santa til they're near to completing their GCSEs, is a very very recent fad. Your husband's parents have done nothing wrong in bringing him up in accordance with the norms of the time.

Santa only does stockings so of course there's presents under the tree labeled from the kind person who bought them

Every family does things differently.

imagine being annoyed because a family did something different to you and they should have anticipated what his future wife would want.

Santa never brought all the presents in our house. Never happened for my kids either. I certainly wouldn’t change things trying to anticipate ds future wife might want.

My kids got the magic but also knew mum and dad paid for the presents. It was an easy answer to ‘why can’t I have a pony?’

A few years ago I was genuinely surprised to find out that 10/11 years olds (and older!) still believed in Father Christmas. Seems rather infantile but I also wonder if some pretend they do due to ridiculous parental pressure and all the drama that goes with Christmas .

Me too for this exact reason. Santa brings something small that fits in a stocking and not anything expensive. My DD still believed at 10, the Mum and Dad presents under the tree doesn't wreck anything. Santa's presents appear in their stockings after they go to sleep on Christmas eve. My 6 year old doesn't believe because he never told any adults what he wanted from Santa and when it didn't turn up 2 years in a row he figured Santa didn't exist.

All families do if differently. In my house Santa was merely the delivery guy, he didn’t give me anything from him. I remember a friend telling me Santa gave her a Barbie dolls house and tackling my mum about this! One of my strongest memories as I was so aggrieved

YABU . All families do things differently . We did FC as a story when our children were small , Christmas was wonderful and still is now they are adults because ‘the magic’ wasn’t based all around FC .

You are being utterly ridiculous. Your husband being a grumpy git now is not related to whether his parents chose to participate in Santa or not at aged 4. Any 'dig' would make you look quite silly

What's wrong with having a child circumcised? There are MANY cultures and religions around the world who circumcise children. And there are many people who do it foe the sake of health. Your comment seems to suggest that you think they are wrong. Why not just respect the fact that people do life differently and your way isn't the only way.

What's the issue here? His parents gave him presents at Christmas and put them under the tree?

How has that made him the mardy can't be arsed to make an effort at Christmas dad - how?

Oh please make a 'subtle' dig, I only hope MIL is on MN 🍿

Oh you are so unreasonable, let me count the ways

1. parents don’t have to do santa
2. even if they do Santa to some degree, they don’t have to explicitly lie to their children
3. if you have an ASD child, you may very well have an ASD spouse. Guess what, ASD children tend to be very good at figuring out deceptions like this. I remember figuring it out by reading the “made in China” and “made in Thailand” labels on the items Santa brought when I was 5.
4. even non-ASD children aren’t stupid and can easily figure it out if they think about it for even a little bit, children believe because they want to believe

you make magic at Christmas by having traditions and spending time together. The magic isn’t Santa being real. The magic is that mom and dad take the time to fill stockings after you go to bed, even if you don’t believe in Father Christmas . The magic is the tree and waking up to open presents. The magic is the tried and true recipes you make every year.

You're planning to get pissed and make PA digs at your inlaws because they didn't do things like your family did?

You blame them for your dh not being excited enough for your kid at Xmas?

If you have an issue with how dh is then talk to him, like a grown up, don't get pissed and portion blame onto someone else.

Don't be so ridiculous. I wasn't brought up believing in Santa, it was just a "nice story we tell at Christmas ". I still loved Christmas and we still put out mice pies etc

Your comment seems to suggest that you think they are wrong

Um yes I do think they were wrong to do. They also think this, 40-something years down the line, but said at the time it was just what people did in the US where my DP was born. They gave it no thought, there was no cultural or religious aspect to it. It's not a decision I respect, but it was over 4 decades ago and that's my point.

In 40 years time some of our parenting decisions and mistakes and foibles will annoy our children/their partners.

@WorriedMum231 People who make word-like sounds - might perhaps say ‘nnnn’ for no, for example. In neurotypical toddlers, it’s that phase where baby babble starts to sound more word-like, and certain sounds might be used in context, for example.

tree presents have always been from family.
it’s part of the excitement.

Poor bloke!

I'm feeling so sorry for some men today! Some of these threads.....

Tree presents have been accumulating for a few days as I've been wrapping them or they've been dropped off by family. Santa only brings one present in our house: 7 year old dd had a magical time discovering and opening her Santa present.

20 years ago? I don't think so!

I feel sorry for PIL too..... it was up to them how they brought their son up

It has nothing to do with you