Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at PIL for ruining DH's Christmas magic??

103 replies

PopandFizz · 25/12/2023 20:44

Hey,

Today in discussion around Santa etc, as we have an ASD, pre verbal 4 Yr old who is very developmentally delayed and has no concept of santa/Christmas etc, DH admitted he can't recall ever believing in Santa.

Now, he's always been skeptical and I already knew he was a bit of a scrooge etc it's a running joke that he's a big Christmas grump. He fins the cheesey side of Christmas cringey and dull - evem though we have a child! But today he said that it's hard to believe in Santa when he can clearly remember at 4 being able to see presents under the tree in advance of Christmas, from his parents, like literally seeing his mum put presents under the tree that were for him because at that age he could read his name and knew 'mum' 'dad' etc His parents would still go along with the santa 'tale' but made no credit to create magic.
And now he's told me this I feel so annoyed at them lol If you've seen the recent video going around about 'it'll be you in the mirror, your memories, your traditions your kids aim for at christmas with their kids' I'm like YES! No wonder he's the way he is.

Also to add - I'm not going to like fall out with them (although might make a passing dig after a wine tomorrow when I see them lol) just feel miffed!

OP posts:
Igotagoodcard · 25/12/2023 22:57

I never believed in Father Christmas, neither did my wife or our DS. It really really isn’t important.

It also isn’t an excuse or reason for a grown man to be grumpy and spoil Christmas for people- that’s just a choice he is making.

Christmasdistress · 26/12/2023 04:19

Some kids never believe in Santa, regardless of the parents. Anecdotally this may be more common with ASD children, but no idea if that's actually true. I never did (NT).

My parents did all the "magic", and I was always faintly confused as to why we all pretended something which was clearly untrue, but went along with it cos it seemed to mean I got more presents. Ditto tooth fairy, Easter bunny etc. Confused but felt it was harmless.

From speaking with friends, many of us felt the same way from as long back as we can remember (4/5), and all of us went along with it for the presents, and cos it seemed to make our parents happy.

None of the parents of children I know currently are doing the Santa thing at all, all the presents are from parents. Given what I read here, maybe it's just our social bubble, but it's not exactly traumatising.

And we all enjoy Christmas very much, usually, so it's got no relation to being a grump about it, just that Santa is not at all necessary for enjoyment.

Nearlythere80 · 26/12/2023 04:25

Maybe you just need to hear your husband's thoughts on how you are trying to build your Christmases for your boy, sounds to me like he may have something to say about it that he wants to do differently

Midnightgrey · 26/12/2023 04:36

My 3 year old was deeply suspicious. He hated socks with seams and I'd popped a few pairs of special seamless socks in with his major presents. He fixed me with a beady eye saying he'd seen those sort in Kmart! I weakly added that Santa had to subcontract as the elves couldnt do everything. He is all grown up now and is still very particular about his socks. To be fair I don't remember believing either.

WandaWonder · 26/12/2023 04:40

SausageChopsBellyFlops · 25/12/2023 21:56

You're planning to get pissed and make PA digs at your inlaws because they didn't do things like your family did?

You blame them for your dh not being excited enough for your kid at Xmas?

If you have an issue with how dh is then talk to him, like a grown up, don't get pissed and portion blame onto someone else.

All of this, plus op you don't own Christmas

flowerchild2000 · 26/12/2023 04:43

I was scared of a strange man breaking into my house. So my parents told me the whole historical version of who Nicklaus Klaus was and why we keep that spirit alive, etc. and it was a huge relief. I was probably 5. Christmas was very magical for me. I told my kids from the beginning what the truth was and it's still magical for them as teenagers. Why be creepy about it? Just be honest and it's something they can carry with them through adulthood. The capitalist santa is very cheesy and doesn't carry the spirit at all.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 26/12/2023 04:51

I'm sorry, but you are being ridiculous.

RedHelenB · 26/12/2023 04:54

Meowandthen · 25/12/2023 20:50

I’ll add that I am not a fan of the “everything is from Father Christmas” claim as that just teaches children that FC likes children from well off families, but not poorer ones.

Show quote history

Not at the age when they believe in FC, they don't have a clue about how much things cost.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2023 05:05

It seems you just want an excuse to say something mean to them, don't you like them very much?

Italianita · 26/12/2023 05:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/12/2023 05:20

You can't start making comments to your PILs about how they did christmas when your DH was a boy!

When I was a child, none of my Christmas presents were ever wrapped, there were no stockings and there was nothing from mom and dad. It was all fine, I enjoyed it but I do it all very differently with my DC.

It's ok for your DH to enjoy/dislike what he wants about Christmas. Just like it's ok for you to enjoy the cheesy bits. Just take it all for what it is and create your own family traditions.

WesselCups · 26/12/2023 05:26

I can't imagine any adult being bothered about whether he believed in Santa or not as a child.
You typing lol is the bigger issue, it makes you sound about twelve.

ilovesooty · 26/12/2023 05:38

Of all the strange things I've read in the past few days that tops the lot.

steff13 · 26/12/2023 06:35

In our family some presents come from us, and some come from Santa. Santa delivers his presents on Christmas Eve, but ours are put out whenever they're wrapped. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., give the kids their presents when they see them over Christmas.

Silverbirchtwo · 26/12/2023 06:49

We always did one present from Santa everything else was from parents and family. I remember a friend who gave all presents from Santa complaining Santa got all the credit for her hard work buying presents, we were both equally surprised at how differently our present giving was.

notahappybunny7 · 26/12/2023 07:28

LordEmsworth · 25/12/2023 20:46

Santa isn't obligatory. HTH.

True, but most people who aren’t joyless twats, like to keep a bit of magic for small children.

notahappybunny7 · 26/12/2023 07:30

flowerchild2000 · 26/12/2023 04:43

I was scared of a strange man breaking into my house. So my parents told me the whole historical version of who Nicklaus Klaus was and why we keep that spirit alive, etc. and it was a huge relief. I was probably 5. Christmas was very magical for me. I told my kids from the beginning what the truth was and it's still magical for them as teenagers. Why be creepy about it? Just be honest and it's something they can carry with them through adulthood. The capitalist santa is very cheesy and doesn't carry the spirit at all.

ive never heard a child think of Santa like that. You sound particularly strange.

flowerchild2000 · 26/12/2023 07:49

notahappybunny7 · 26/12/2023 07:30

ive never heard a child think of Santa like that. You sound particularly strange.

Show quote history

I hear it all the time and don't be such a bitch.

Namechange4234 · 26/12/2023 08:00

flowerchild2000 · 26/12/2023 04:43

I was scared of a strange man breaking into my house. So my parents told me the whole historical version of who Nicklaus Klaus was and why we keep that spirit alive, etc. and it was a huge relief. I was probably 5. Christmas was very magical for me. I told my kids from the beginning what the truth was and it's still magical for them as teenagers. Why be creepy about it? Just be honest and it's something they can carry with them through adulthood. The capitalist santa is very cheesy and doesn't carry the spirit at all.

I love this idea

It's absolutely perfect 🥰

Namechange4234 · 26/12/2023 08:01

notahappybunny7 · 26/12/2023 07:30

ive never heard a child think of Santa like that. You sound particularly strange.

Show quote history

No wonder you're not happy

Try being kind.... you might feel happier , then

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 26/12/2023 08:08

It makes no sense for Santa to bring the gifts from parents. Maybe they did Santa too (he only does stockings at our house) or maybe he didn’t. His parents choose him gifts and wrapped them up and out them under the tree they bought and decorated. Those are good parents.

Do you think you emotions are misdirected and are more about hoe you feel about your child’s disability?

ZombieGirl86 · 26/12/2023 08:15

My tradition was same as yours OP. Not sure why ppl saying its weird. Santa brought everything stocking was from family. Traditions are different for different ppl neithers right or wrong. You shouldn't judge them for their normal.

TempName247 · 26/12/2023 08:44

We do all the presents from us as ‘from Santa’ which was probably a bit of a mistake as we don’t get any credit BUT the magic of the presents appearing overnight for the DC is worth it. My DD9 hasn’t believed for a couple of years so she does know it’s all from us but she still loves it. I can remember the joy of coming down to the presents when I was a child and saying ‘he’s been!’

I get where you are coming from OP!

gannett · 26/12/2023 10:26

I wonder if OP made her passive dig in the end.

People like the OP are the ones who make "Christmas magic" joyless - they insist that everyone has to feel it in exactly the same enforced-fun way as them. I never believed in Santa as a child, but I don't feel that anything's been ruined for me. It's perfectly possible to feel joy without buying into a particular cultural myth or twee over-commercialisation.

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 10:38

I’m als9 wondering if the op decided to ruin Xmas and have a passive aggressive go at her in-laws. For not doing Xmas decades ago to align with her beliefs.