To be bothered about the "it's easy with only one kids" comments

[TooIntrovert]

A friend of mine often remarks on parenting habits I have as "only possible because I only have one kid".

AIBU to be bothered by thi?

Things like being on time, giving my kid choices over dinner, asking my kid how he feels about something, playing with my child, getting time alone.

I get that these would be harder with more children but surely that doesn't need to be commented on? It's her choice she has 3 and mine I have 1? I'm not asking her for feedback or moaning about anything either she just observes our interactions and shares, out of the blue.

Often tells me we should have more children also as siblings are good for kids and "they need siblings to play with", and doesn't want to hear our reasons why we have concerns. Eg if I reply "we were considering it but we have some concerns..." She'll say "lol you guys need to just make up your minds and get on with it!" rather than "oh what are they?"

My kid has a disability btw but I don't think that should matter, I don't feel like unsolicited advice /commentary is warranted as everyone has a different capacity for what they can handle 🤷

If IANBU please share clever comebacks! I'm getting so fed up of it.

I have 3 dc.

Having any two is easier than all three.

Having any one is easier than any two.

I wouldn't be without them and would if anything have liked another.
But with more than one you're juggling compromise between one who wants to stay longer, one who wants to get home etc. And you're also having to keep check on, do you always put one's thoughts second because they make least fuss and that sort of thing.

But they shouldn't be saying it to you often unless you're making comments about bigger families too.

I don’t think you need the constant commentary but I think one is much easier n the sense you’re not juggling as much and it is easier for them to fit around a more adult schedule, less expensive etc. My eldest was away for a weekend recently and just having one felt like a rest in comparison.

Well my life was easier with just one for sure, weird to keep saying it tho

I don't mean easier like it's bad now. I mean things were easier to plan , execute with one extra

You do n’t need clever comebacks. Just say politely but firmly that you don’t appreciate these comments and you would like her to stop making them.

Trust me when your child is a teen you will be so happy you only had one, and your friend will be more stressed!

It probably is easier with one, but quite frankly it's rude to comment. I have only one because I can't have anymore.

I have 4. I wouldn’t say that to someone with 1.

Totally I have one, friend had 3 and it's a never ending running commentary about how it so much nicer for me whereas she's spilt between three. Everything is easier for me and cheaper etc.. which to be fair is true! And that's why I chose not to have more children.

We can shop easier, do appointments easier and hold down jobs easier.

It is especially annoying when she comments on childcare during holidays being accessible for us because it's £120-150 for a week of holiday lib whereas she's looking at triple this.

I get it but I do feel like Saying you do realise this was all your own doing?!

But I end up saying some fluffy stuff like oh you get three times the love and hugs and achievements etc

I hate this, we only have one but have zero family support, DH works shifts and I work full time. My friend who has two kids has supportive in laws who live in the next street. They do lots of school drop offs/pick ups, babysit and have the kids overnight quite regularly.

There’s no comparison in my opinion.

Yup - that would be tbe mother of all comebacks 🤣

I would literally reply "yeah, that's why I chose one"...every time

As a parent of an only for nearly a decade, it is easier! Just reply with a smile and a "Yes, it is easier with the one, wouldn't change a thing."

Don't get me wrong, two is what we wanted and it's lovely. But sure was cheaper and less tiring with one.

Your friend is rude and insensitive! Next time she says it I think a short, cutting remark is needed.

Depends of the child(ren) surely?
My two get on really really well (I'm very lucky I know) as a result they don't need me to do any entertaining! I definitely have an easier time parenting than my friend who has one child.

I’ve have literally never thought having one child is easier. I have 3 children. Everyone having children has their own circumstances. I personally found two easier than one. I had another. I found that harder. I have zero regrets and I don’t go on about how much easier any one else’s life is. We are the type not to be late either not with one child nor 3 children. It is all swings and roundabouts.

It is easier though on the whole. If this friend Is annoying you with her comments just see a lot less of her. Rather than make a comment back.

I had one for 7 years and now have two. It's not that different. The eldest was v full on as a younger kid though.

It can be hard with one in different ways as they don't have a sibling to play with.

Eating out with just one was more fun and relaxing but it's still possible with more. Flying with two is hell and I have to do it all the time but flying with one wasn't that fun either.

She sounds dismissive and silly.

It depends on the context, if someone with one child is telling me I’d be better sending my child to the club an hour away instead of the local one, I might point out that it’s not so easy to do that when you have more than one child wanting to go to different clubs in different places and I think that would be reasonable. If it’s just a running commentary on what you’re doing and how it’s only all possible because you only have one then that’s a bit rude and uncalled for.

Also, when my sister in law and I are generally discussing our kids she or I might sometimes point out that some things are actually easier with two (as I have) than one (as she has) because they entertain each other. It’s not supposed to be anyone being superior, it’s literally just a conversation in which the participants are considering each other’s experiences.

I think you just get to a point where you distance yourself from these types that make martyrs of themselves concerning choices they've made. It's common for these types too to be scathing and judge you if you don't do as they do.

Your friend sounds like they aren't that great to be saying you have it easier when you have challenges she is aware of and perhaps isn't experiencing.

She sounds bitter. Likely happy with her choice but bitter about the natural consequences (less time, money etc).

This is so true. 😂

Having 1 non disabled child would be easier for sure. But she doesn't walk I'm your shoes so you're right to be annoyed.
I'd ignore the sibling comment too. I have a sister but not spoken to her on 10 years on account that she's selfish and mad
No guarantee siblings will get on. Do what's right for your family noone else's.

I'm a parent of one myself, and yes she's absolutely right!
But YANBU to be sick of hearing it.

Yes!!

I've had so many people ask WHY I've only had one child. (I'm various degrees and hand wringing or judgemental tones)

I reply "why not? More time, money and attention, seems like a win to me!" And watch them squirm as they realise I'm actually happy with my choice not ashamed of it.