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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas gift argument AIBU?

75 replies

TheWitche · 24/12/2023 22:53

Genuine thoughts here required for my stubborn DH and I! Stupid problem to have. Child aged 9 wants a drum kit for Christmas. It’s all they have asked for, they’ve been drumming in school and love playing music etc so perfect present.

I have bought the drum kit and most of the other Christmas presents, although DH has helped and wrapped. Join effort id say.

We have an outhouse and DH has decorated it, although we’ve bought got rid of the crap and moved stuff out. Both of us are really excited!

I proposed we do stockings, then breakfast, then show the child the outhouse and their present (given it’s the only thing they really want)

DH wants to open stocking, breakfast, open all other presents then show child as a last surprise. I think this will make them think they won’t be getting it and I don’t want them to feel disappointed on Christmas Day.

We are at total loggerheads over this as I don’t agree with his approach, but he’s of the opinion that he’s done it so it’s his way. I don’t want child to be sad as he thinks he’s not getting it anyway, what’s the point of prolonging the ‘surprise’ when it’s Christmas Day?!

YABU - DH has done most of the prep for the gift, it’s his way.
YANBU - To avoid any potential ‘sadness’ do it your way

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 24/12/2023 22:54

Why does he want to do that? Sounds like some sick power trip?

Is he normally power hungry?

I wouldn't agree to it, it's cruel.

TwentyThreeFifteen · 24/12/2023 22:57

That would be a bit cruel
Imagine going to bed hoping and dreaming that you are going to get a magical gift, but then you open everything and it’s not there. Awful. Getting it later won’t take that feeling away.

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 24/12/2023 22:58

I don't see the issue in opening other presents then revealing the biggest one afterwards. I've had similar done to me before, and we have done similar to our DC.

My main thinking is that if he has the big present first, he might not be interested in the others.

TeaKitten · 24/12/2023 22:59

I’d probably just go with DHs way in theory, but then as soon as DS starts to look disappointed just tell him there’s a surprise that didn’t fit under the tree for later, before your DH can say anything.

mottytotty · 24/12/2023 22:59

What prep has he done?

He has just put it in the out house, you did all the hard work.

Tell him you bought it so you’re doing it your way.

DragonCatcher · 24/12/2023 22:59

Can you just tell DC that some presents are for the morning and others for the afternoon so they know they haven't "opened" everything?

Your DC will immediately know there is no drum kit under the tree as it's not exactly subtle. Let them enjoy their smaller gifts and the big reveal later in the day.

Merryoldgoat · 24/12/2023 23:00

All this production which means the gift is actually about the giver getting to look good. Such a load of bollocks.

YANBU

Original poster
TheWitche · 24/12/2023 23:01

I don’t understand his logic either. It’s really pissing me off, because why would you want to make out they haven’t got it on Christmas Day? It’s not going to be any sweeter getting it a few hours later, child will be absolutely made up. I don’t want to put them in a position where they have to act grateful when they are sad. It’s literally all they have asked for for months.

He’s been ‘putting them off the scent’ (his words) for weeks, saying we don’t have the space, they haven’t been drumming long enough, etc etc.

We don’t need to do that tomorrow, on Christmas Day - I just don’t get his point of view at all. Hence the thread to see if anyone agrees with him!

OP posts:
VeniVidiWeeWee · 24/12/2023 23:02

GabriellaMontez · 24/12/2023 22:54

Why does he want to do that? Sounds like some sick power trip?

Is he normally power hungry?

I wouldn't agree to it, it's cruel.

Wow! That's really applying a different point of view.

Are you normally this negative? Do you usually assume that other people's actions are "a sick power trip"?

I would assume that the wait for gratification will be all the more pleasurable.

Original poster
TheWitche · 24/12/2023 23:02

Good to see some differing views though. We are both adamant we are right 🤣

OP posts:
IAmAnIdiot123 · 24/12/2023 23:03

I would show him as his last present but still at the present giving time. Maybe wrap up a note thay says 'go to outhouse, I didn't quite fit under the tree' or something and get him to open that one last. Otherwise he might not be interested in his other gifts.

Louise295 · 24/12/2023 23:04

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 24/12/2023 22:58

I don't see the issue in opening other presents then revealing the biggest one afterwards. I've had similar done to me before, and we have done similar to our DC.

My main thinking is that if he has the big present first, he might not be interested in the others.

Edited

This!

VeniVidiWeeWee · 24/12/2023 23:05

@TheWitche

"It’s not going to be any sweeter getting it a few hours later, child will be absolutely made up".

This is the point. It will be the sweeter.

ReindeerShelter · 24/12/2023 23:06

YABU. DH is right - main presents should always be last.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 24/12/2023 23:08

TeaKitten · 24/12/2023 22:59

I’d probably just go with DHs way in theory, but then as soon as DS starts to look disappointed just tell him there’s a surprise that didn’t fit under the tree for later, before your DH can say anything.

This is a good idea 💡.

Testina · 24/12/2023 23:10

I don’t get it - your OP says the drum kit last, then a follow up post says a few hours later.
What is he actually proposing?
Don’t most people save the best til last?
If he’s proposing to properly make your son think he’s had all his presents and then hours later give it then yeah - it’s a bit mean. But if it’s minutes between the “last” present and - oh, I forgot, there’s one more… then that’s fine!

Rowen32 · 24/12/2023 23:10

TheWitche · 24/12/2023 23:02

Good to see some differing views though. We are both adamant we are right 🤣

I was that child and it was a really bad idea, I still get sad when I think about it now. The joy I was meant to feel at getting it I never really had as I was so disappointed.. The magic and hope you're feeling, you can't dash that - f**k waiting, it's cruel and pointless and horrible

fortnumsfinest · 24/12/2023 23:12

It's a bit different but my friend got a car for her christmas one year, she was half expecting it but her parents had it in their garage wrapped with a huge ribbon to give later in the day.
Christmas morning arrives, she gets some presents but not the car. This sends her in to a complete strop, ruining Christmas for everyone to the point her DP's decided as she was so ungrateful she wasn't getting the car on Christmas Day but her grandparents saying she should get it. She did eventually get it but Christmas Day was ruined with everyone arguing about it

Retrievemysanity · 24/12/2023 23:12

Depends really. Is he talking about opening all the other presents and doing the drum kit straight after or hours after? If it’s straight after but just the last gift then I think that’s great and what I would do. If he’s going to pretend he hasn’t got the drum kit for hours on end then that’s just awful.

Notimeforaname · 24/12/2023 23:12

Its fucking Christmas. The child has waited long enough.

Your husband is doing this more for him than the child.

Original poster
TheWitche · 24/12/2023 23:15

We have a large family so by the time we do stockings, breakfast, tree presents and getting ready for going out for lunch at 12pm it would probably need to be after. DH doesn’t think so though, although I pointed out we’ve taken all day to open presents before. The kids like to play with things as they open them. I don’t want it to be rushed either because DH has a fixed agenda on how things need to happen. He’s just being so stubborn!

Its not like 5 presents each then wham here’s your main gift.

It’s such a petty argument, I’m aware!

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 24/12/2023 23:15

To be fair, I've bought my eldest a PC and it's literally the last thing behind the tree. He thinks a desk is his main present (and is thrilled with that) so it's not necessarily about control or being a dick. The anticipation will still be there. Maybe compromise and say yes it can be the last thing opened but you won't make him wait till later on?

zurala · 24/12/2023 23:16

I remember one year my daughter wanting a particular thing, it was all she wanted, and just by how things happened it was the last thing she opened and she actually cried thinking she wasn't getting it because it was a bit hidden under other stuff and she thought she'd opened everything. So based on that I think YANBU and I would just override DH and take your son straight out to see it first.

I will add though that DD doesn't remember this now and it's only a few years ago so it didn't scar her for life but she was very upset at the time.

MadCatLady27 · 24/12/2023 23:16

I remember one year I got a rocking horse, it was kept under a blanket in the kitchen (how I didn't go out there no idea!)

We did Santa presents, then the ones in the lounge (from named people) then went into the kitchen where it was revealed

5foot5 · 24/12/2023 23:17

One thing guaranteed to ruin Christmas is if Mum and Dad are at loggerheads.

Find a compromise and quick.