Christmas gift argument AIBU?

[TheWitche]

Genuine thoughts here required for my stubborn DH and I! Stupid problem to have. Child aged 9 wants a drum kit for Christmas. It’s all they have asked for, they’ve been drumming in school and love playing music etc so perfect present.

I have bought the drum kit and most of the other Christmas presents, although DH has helped and wrapped. Join effort id say.

We have an outhouse and DH has decorated it, although we’ve bought got rid of the crap and moved stuff out. Both of us are really excited!

I proposed we do stockings, then breakfast, then show the child the outhouse and their present (given it’s the only thing they really want)

DH wants to open stocking, breakfast, open all other presents then show child as a last surprise. I think this will make them think they won’t be getting it and I don’t want them to feel disappointed on Christmas Day.

We are at total loggerheads over this as I don’t agree with his approach, but he’s of the opinion that he’s done it so it’s his way. I don’t want child to be sad as he thinks he’s not getting it anyway, what’s the point of prolonging the ‘surprise’ when it’s Christmas Day?!

YABU - DH has done most of the prep for the gift, it’s his way.
YANBU - To avoid any potential ‘sadness’ do it your way

#TeamDH here.

I don't have a strong feeling either way, but just wonder if you give that to him first he's not going to take any notice of any of the other gifts?

First world problems

Please don't let DH do this. If he prolongs it to the point where your DC is disappointed then it's hard to let go of that feeling. I speak from experience here. I'm 40 now and can still remember that feeling.

Can't you agree to let it play out? So if he's clearly looking or asking for the drum kit you show him but if he's happy opening his presents you leave it til.last?

We are both adamant we are right 🤣

Rock Paper Scizzors and have a nice day

The wait for Christmas day is plenty of delayed gratification for a 9 year old.

Nah, opening your best present first is shit. It's all down hill from there.

It doesn’t help you, but we always do the big main presents last, the children would know that everything else was building up to the big one xx

But what you’ve described that your husband wants is fine - as long as your son isn’t being tricked into thinking that’s it, it’s just that he hasn’t got to the end of his presents yet.
I personally wouldn’t spin it out until after lunch - but even then, as long as your son knows there are more presents still to open after lunch, it’s not mean.

Totally agree. But stopping for breakfast, pretending it's all over, then producing the big one is too far.

100%! There's no tricking involved or anything like that and it sounds like your dh wants to give it to him at the present giving time, just after he has opened his other gifts. Not pretend he hasn't got it then spring it on him hours later, which is what your OP implied.

My parents did this, the only thing I wanted was a bike with a basket, we opened all other presents, DB got a scooter, I tried really hard not to let it show on my face, and said thank you for the things I had, but it was clear the other presents were little bits and pieces and I hadn't got the bike. I was a well behaved child, helpful, hardworking at school etc. I was young under 8 I'd say, I didn't understand what I'd done. My DF eventually said put your bottom lip away and go and open the curtains (floor length) , I did and there was my bike. I was elated but it took the shine off, it didn't feel nice. I didn't fully understand why at the time, but my emotions had been toyed with and I didn't deserve that. I don't think there was any mal intent, they were just building the surprise. Actually I really don't like surprises as an adult and I wonder now if that might be the origin of that....

I think it depends on the age of the child but I wouldn't do it to DS

Yes I agree with this. As I said earlier, I would wrap up a note and give that to him last telling him to go outside, but still during the present giving period, not wait till later. But OP's update seems to suggest this is what the dh is thinking anyway, not wait till till later, just as the last gift.

I would leave it as the last present but I wouldn't be waiting all day for it.

This is pretty interesting to read. We always do main gift last. Even pretending everything is finished then finding something last minute behind the couch or wherever its hidden. My parents did the same and i would be super excited so i never thought of the idea someone would be disappointed doing it that way. Probably because we've done it so many times now our kids just expect it lol.

Your way 💯. Stockings then breakfast, then take him out and show him the drumkit/outhouse before opening any other presents. You could maybe even postpone the other presents till a bit later if necessary.

He'll enjoy opening the other presents much more knowing that he's already got the one thing he really wanted. Otherwise he's going to be opening them while being disappointed that he didn't get the drumkit, which will suck all the enjoyment right out of it. Especially since DH has already spent the past few weeks downplaying the drumkit, so he'll be thinking that you really didn't get it for him.

I agree with this^. It’s a great idea.

Isn't he already going to feel a bit disappointed when he sees no obvious drum-shaped present under the tree?

I don't think I could make a 9 year old wait until the last, but then I've never done the main gift last thing, not as a child and not with my children. It's always been a glorious mash up here 😁

We normally do main presents before a big ‘break’ - before a large part of dinner prep for example - to give children time to play with and enjoy their new gift. It’s not last but it’s not first either.

I have never been emotionally scarred from not instantly seeing my main gift in amongst the pile. My mum would sometimes wrap the main gift in a different size or shape box just to throw us off. It added to the excitement and enjoyment.

I can somewhat see the logic of waiting until the end if it’s a present that can’t be used in the house, if he does it at the start of the gift opening going to receive it and then have to go back inside to resume opening the rest of the gifts with the family with no time to play. I feel like that could be quite disappointing. As a child when my siblings and I got new bikes we weren’t given them until the end, after we’d opened everything our parents said there were still things under the tree we hadn’t opened but we looked and there was nothing. The tree was in the window and our parents said maybe look outside, on the other side of the window against where the tree was were the bikes. I think sometimes a surprise is more fun when you’ve thought you weren’t going to get it so I can see your partners POV and especially if his way means your son can play with the drum kit when he gets it because all the family stuff has been done.

Exactly this! Especially for more sensitive children, this kind of thing is really hurtful. The scooter and the bike should have been given at the same time. Totally agree about not liking surprises as well.

The trouble with a drumkit is that it will be obvious it's not there as soon as you start opening other presents. It's not like keeping the biggest box in the pile for last while you open the smaller ones first.

To genuinely build excitement, you could actually give one or two drum-related items with the stocking presents (e.g. drumsticks).

Kids want to play with their presents christmas day, so as ling as it's in the ironing before lunch and he can have some time playing with it before lunch then rhats fine. Waiting all day ruins the day.

What @SgtJuneAckland said. I agree that it is messing with their emotions,trying to make them think they're not getting something is a bit mean in my opinion. Not everyone is a fan of surprises.
As a mum to a sensitive child,this would upset mine but obviously you know your child best so you can judge how your child would feel.

It would not be sweeter for me. It would not be more fun. It would be a v unwelcome mind fuck that would take the shine off the gift. Possibly the day.