To think I’m autistic, aren’t I?

[Youcanonlyask]

Siblings diagnosed, one child diagnosed. Always been ‘quirky’ grew up in terrible household so always assumed my maladjustment and awkwardness was down to that. Always been introverted, gifted at art and certain things but so socially awkward that I never really persevered at them, always just hovered on the periphery of a social group. Felt violated if anyone really got close and tried to become an intimate friend. Academically gifted, able to function in society and make things happen. Intuitive and devoted mother, anxious, not always super organised but very loving, enjoyed going ‘into their world’ and was very good at playing and imagining and playing with them. But struggled a bit with structure despite meeting their needs well. Always been able to lose myself down Rabbit holes, especially with autistic child, we have been on many adventures together and spent many hours on projects together. A bit childlike in terms of priorities, installed huge sandpit and swimming pool before properly decorating or furnishing our home. Have days when I feel robotic and do things but dont feel present. Very big list of sensory ‘icks’. I had a wobbler earlier because I was wrapping gifts and the paper was awful, DH was bemused, I couldn’t explain why the process was making me feel ill but I couldn’t cope and threw a ball of paper at him.

we went to a local shop and he said ‘ chose some paper babe, this one looks like it sounds autism friendly’ he meant it kindly. We do lots of things autism friendly for one of our children.
it was actually better. I’ve done all the wrapping now and feel calm. The paper was less rustly and a different texture. I feel like he’s just said something we already knew, I’m also confused as to why I’m so long in tooth for someone to actually say this. Thoughts welcome.

Do you think exploring a diagnosis or ruling it out would make a difference?

You may have some autistic traits but so does everyone. From what you’ve written you don’t sound obviously Autistic imo. I am Autistic and so is my son. Probably my other son as well with developmental delay but to young for diagnosis.

No not everyone does.

No-one on mumsnet can tell you if you're autistic or not. If it would help to find out though, speak to your GP.

Absolutely everyone does. It’s an incredibly wide spectrum and diagnosis happens when you present overwhelmingly with a lot of the spectrum.

For example stimming - biting your nails is stimming. There’s loads more, research it if you fancy.

Not everyone has autistic traits.

@CoatOfArms actually no. Most of the time I’m quite comfortable being a bit odd and not very social and do alright muddling through life. I think there’s a small part of me that would like to be able to make peace with being awkward and different in the same way I’ve embraced my child’s differences though. He’s perfect. He’s brilliant and because he has this diagnosis his needs are met and he enjoys some concessions with expectations that allow him to just flourish . I think I’ve been living my life as best I can but always judging myself and giving myself a hard time for not enjoying the things I’m supposed to, finding things hard that I’m not supposed to and generally fighting for my life to meet expectations. It wouldn’t change my behaviour or my efforts, I just think I’d give myself a slightly easier time of it for being a bit different and quirky I suppose.

It did for me. It explained and validated my entire life.

What are your raads-r and AQ scores?

It does sound like you potentially are, enough to do the above screenings and potentially consider an assessment (I am autistic)

What happens when you can't cope with something sensory wise or emotionally? Do you have meltdowns or shutdowns?

As long as you are happy in yourself then I wouldn't worry. Not everyone needs a 'label'.

If you want a diagnosis speak to your gp. I was on the waiting list for 2 years and was diagnosed age 35.

You are on the spectrum because you’re autistic.
You are not on the spectrum if you are not autistic.

People may have one or two similar traits but they are not on the autistic spectrum.

The autism spectrum doesn’t go from a little bit to a lot like a linear scale. It is more like the colour spectrum.

Think of it like jigsaw pieces. Everyone might have a few pieces of the jigsaw but autistic people will have more than 75 pieces or something and you’re not on the spectrum unless you have that many pieces.

I feel like you’re putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say everyone was on the spectrum, i said, like you did, everyone has traits.

I know how the spectrum works, I’m Autistic. I feel a bit patronised by your response if I’m honest.

I am autistic too. Your post read like someone who was a bit ignorant tbh. Sorry.
Merry christmas.

I find how you read that bizarre but ok.

@Universalsnail absolutely. I’ve had to be rescued from outside a tube station after walking out of an exam, I’ve left so many gatherings because I couldn’t cope with sound and smells and bodies around me, and I’m an absolute nuisance at home because small things bother me. Dh and I have to have separate rooms even though I adore him because I can’t cope with perfectly normal things. We’re okay, we’re intimate and loving but can’t spend the night together .food too, it’s been years since any of us have eaten the same meal. Lots of things have become jokes now, are accepted as normal in our house, taken with humour but are actually probably quite abnormal really. I have ways of doing things that are harmless but definitely different if that makes sense.

There are a specific triad of impairments with autism. Typically, these are social interaction, communication and imagination. Usually autistic people have real difficulties with imagination. Just being a bit 'childlike' doesn't mean you're autistic at all.

I , too, have been told that everyone has some autistic traits. FWIW an educational psych after having done a complete assessment of one of my kids: when asked if he was autistic said " maybe , doesn't matter though he's so high functioning it makes no difference". So there are varying opinions on the matter.

Lots of older couples sleep in separate rooms, both sets of relatives here. I think many who have enough rooms.

That's an astounding statement from somebody who's supposed to be in a position of authority on the subject - "high-functioning" is just a complete mask over the cracks (if they exist), and if your son is autistic then it's overwhelmingly likely that it will become a bigger and bigger problem as he goes through life with no explanation (and thus coping strategies) to fall back on.

Sure, your son might be doing great now, but what about when major life changes occur? That's where we tend to fall apart. I did, at university - my entire support system disappeared in an instant, and after two years of desperate struggling with no help I'd gone from straight-As at A-level to being on the verge of failing my degree, I had no friends anywhere near me, no family I could lean on, I was destitute because I couldn't properly deal with finances, and attempted suicide more than once. Even then, I got no support, just a bit of a pass on a couple of courses so I could actually come out with a degree. It took me years to recover from that.

I don't say this to scare you, more to give you a prior warning - this is not an uncommon story among late-diagnosed autistics.

And, for what it's worth, there is no "complete assessment" which would result in that simple statement of "maybe, dunno, he's a quite high-functioning". A complete assessment involves a many-page document that explains the entire reasoning whether it's a positive or negative diagnosis, and never results in a "maybe".

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf?fbclid=IwAR1CZBBGHT8qoF6AyrnYBw49gDByLdkJbqkz5q7AEJ7q-4QEVCTDyBtYGBo

Read this and see if it resonates.

Prefacing this by admitting I am posting as not on the spectrum and without particular knowledge of the topic, but my understanding was that a key marker of autism was impairment in social interaction. What’s kind of interesting to me ( given all the pp saying they are on the spectrum here) is how civil and eloquent this thread is compared with the bulk of other threads. Just saying …

Silly question, but that's a good thing right?

I have to say being autistic and coming from a large family of diagnosed autistics you don't particularly sound it. Nobody in my family is social at all with the autism's we have and the group I go to nobody is either