To think I’m autistic, aren’t I?

[Youcanonlyask]

Siblings diagnosed, one child diagnosed. Always been ‘quirky’ grew up in terrible household so always assumed my maladjustment and awkwardness was down to that. Always been introverted, gifted at art and certain things but so socially awkward that I never really persevered at them, always just hovered on the periphery of a social group. Felt violated if anyone really got close and tried to become an intimate friend. Academically gifted, able to function in society and make things happen. Intuitive and devoted mother, anxious, not always super organised but very loving, enjoyed going ‘into their world’ and was very good at playing and imagining and playing with them. But struggled a bit with structure despite meeting their needs well. Always been able to lose myself down Rabbit holes, especially with autistic child, we have been on many adventures together and spent many hours on projects together. A bit childlike in terms of priorities, installed huge sandpit and swimming pool before properly decorating or furnishing our home. Have days when I feel robotic and do things but dont feel present. Very big list of sensory ‘icks’. I had a wobbler earlier because I was wrapping gifts and the paper was awful, DH was bemused, I couldn’t explain why the process was making me feel ill but I couldn’t cope and threw a ball of paper at him.

we went to a local shop and he said ‘ chose some paper babe, this one looks like it sounds autism friendly’ he meant it kindly. We do lots of things autism friendly for one of our children.
it was actually better. I’ve done all the wrapping now and feel calm. The paper was less rustly and a different texture. I feel like he’s just said something we already knew, I’m also confused as to why I’m so long in tooth for someone to actually say this. Thoughts welcome.

Very good!

Could not agree more!

Yes they do.

I think they’re saying she’s too eloquent to have autism. This is an unconscious bias that a lot of people and health professionals share. And so if someone is particularly educated/able/well spoken they’ll often be dismissed because they don’t seem to struggle - but essentially they’re masking, but with a sprinkle of good grammar on top…which makes it even harder and leaves people assuming they’re fine.

Well my son is on the spectrum and he seems to have good social skills. He easily got through the test required for medicine in our country which tests ability to read social cues. He had more difficulty with the spatial tests.

Actually no: was not saying that at all. Rather the observation was that actually a lot of NT people seem less well socially adjusted in terms of the inappropriate and thoughtless comments they make . I guess where my mind was going was does being on the spectrum , or being aware of that, actually make people think more carefully about not saying daft things and about how and what they say. Please don’t assume the worst meanings.

I think testing would be worth it. One mental health professional was convinced for a while that I was autistic; extensive testing indicated that I was not, but did have ADHD (which I already knew about). It’s helpful to know what your precise diagnosis is.

What were you like as a child? I have a suspicion I may be ASD but it's mainly driven by looking back at my behaviour as a child. I saw a home video of me aged 8 a few years ago and I was quite shocked at how different I seemed to the other kids (monotone voice, playing on my own, extremely shy, long scraggly hair as I refused to let anyone touch it, total tomboy, face half hidden inside this old roll neck jumper I insisted on wearing every day). The more I read about the signs in young girls the more boxes I ticked (e.g. I got taken to multiple hearing tests even though my hearing turned out to be fine - apparently that's a common thing).

I am also autistic.

I don't think Worried's post read at all like someone who was a bit ignorant.

I did think that your post read like a response to what you assumed she thought, rather than anything relevant to what she actually wrote.

Her comment about autistic traits in the general population is something that's more or less implicit in the usual "it's a spectrum of autistic people — not a spectrum of everyone from most autistic to least autistic" explanation. If most people didn't have any traits that could be matched up with autistic traits, then there would be no need to explain that the autistic spectrum isn't a continuum covering everyone.

Reading your op and all the updates, you have a lot of autistic traits and having autistic siblings and a child with autism increases the odds of you having it yourself.

When I plucked up the courage to see my gp, he did ask what I hoped to get from a diagnosis as I seemed to be doing fine in life - in a stable relationship, had a (then) teenage dc, homeowner, decent job.

I decided to go ahead and - after a very long time on the waiting list - I was assessed and was diagnosed with ASD.

There was no support afterwards but it helped me to understand myself, explains some of my behaviour to people I've shared the diagnosis with and it helps me to say no to doing things that I'm uncomfortable with.

I would always recommend anyone with strong suspicions that they may be ND to ask for an assessment.

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, plus there are a few other things you haven't mentioned, and have often wondered too.
I'm not sure whether any diagnosis would change my life, but I'm becoming more tolerant and accepting of myself as I age, which is good.

I hope you have a good Christmas.

Interesting.
HIghly advanced in all areas including social skills, so I kind of get their point. What would we actually do with him if he was "diagnosed" differently than we treat him now? I can't see any advantage at all. The only reason we had the assessment ( yes which was pages and pages and was over several days and cost a flipping fortune) was because we had moved and that combined with Covid meant we had no idea where he belonged educationally. As it was he skipped a year ( third year of primary) and that was not dependent on that report it was at the schools request..

You sound like you are generally coping well. You have a supportive partner, you know what you like and don't like and manage your life successfully around that.

Even if you are on the spectrum I'd say save the diagnosis for those that really need it and desperately need professional support. My DD is awaiting diagnosis. We are getting it to try to get her better support and understanding. She is overwhelmed, spends days in her bed, misses more than 50% of school due to not being able to cope with school and the education system, is failing all her GCSEs, self harms and has no friends.

There's over a 2 year wait for diagnosis and that's even after being prioritised. Diagnosis for those that are managing well are pretty much pointless and just consume resources that could be used more appropriately.

@Calliopespa

"Thoughtless comments"
"Saying daft things"

Oh the irony

OP, I wouldn’t bother going for a diagnosis if the only reason is you feel you ‘should’ go. You don’t have to do anything.

However, if you feel would benefit from understanding this part of yourself better then go for it. Ignore the poster who has implied you’d be taking up resources; you are just as worthy of a diagnosis as anyone else. It may bring you closure, a sense of clarity, coping skills and strategies etc. It can be hard to apply these unless you know for certain what it is you are dealing with.

Incidentally, quite a bit of what you’ve described reminds me of a good friend of mine (except she got a giant slide installed whilst ignoring her ageing kitchen set up). She has an ADHD diagnosis and lack of structure is her one big regret with her now grown kids (even though she’s an excellent mum and they are lovely humans). It might be worth exploring, there is a lot of overlap of symptoms and co morbidity

We have separate mental health services for children and adults (in the UK anyway) so I would assume the waiting lists for diagnosis are also separate. I’m autistic.

Lindy2
Children are diagnosed under different services to adults. Adults who have gone undiagnosed for years are just as deserving of a diagnosis..

yesyouareyouare · Yesterday 23:20
No autistsitic people do not have real difficulties with imagination. Another stereotype inaccuracy like a lack of empathy.

Go and get a diagnosis op. It’s life changing. Difficulties increase as you get older in my experience. I got mine at 55. All 3 of my children are autistic. We all present very differently.

What about the people who have say 70 pieces though? Or even 60? I feel like I'm in that category (also have diagnosed children and close family members including a parent). I'm not really "normal" (allistic) but I'm not sure I'd quite reach the autism threshold either. I don't really fit in anywhere.

Ah here they come! Have a look at the other threads. There’s one about a woman thinking she’s getting a marriage proposal today and half of them are rubbishing the proposal style. It IS daft and thoughtless. You belong over there.

… apart from you, no-one has on here. It’s a different calibre of thread.

I know how it works thanks. Please don’t patronise me. I have been reading and thinking about this for a long time.

And I’ve been living it. Patronising wasn’t intentional, sorry you feel that way. Happy to answer any questions if you want to learn.

Hi @Youcanonlyask - I could have written your post word for word and understand completely.

Please ignore the bitching going on from others on your post.

I've just been diagnosed aged 47 and it's been really life changing and affirming. I had to go private as the GP was one of the "but you speak in long sentences and are so eloquent so you can't possibly be autistic" types.

It's taken 6 years to get here but it's been worth it. I have literally no friends, no clue about social norms, totally overshare, mask extensively, melt down and shut down over sensory things, am very academic and prefer my own company to that of others, except for family. As my whole family are like this it took a while (and several broken relationships and friendships) to realise that this wasn't actually normal, although it was normal to me.

Please explore options for diagnosis and I hope you can get some answers and some peace of mind.

Sending peace and love for Christmas
💐💐

OP, it might be worth asking for this to be moved to the board for neurodivergent mumsnetters (under the special needs section) or posting in there too..... AIBU can be a brutal place and by no means everybody here is well-informed about autism, mirroring the real world of course.... there are still a vast number of stereotypes about.

I was diagnosed as an adult after seeing strong traits in my children and realising it so clearly came from me (and also explained so much of my life.....) One child has subsequently been diagnosed (which has made a massive difference for them already due to a shift in attitude by school staff and a willingness to finally put more support in place....) I suspect my second child will eventually be diagnosed as well.

Diagnosis has had a huge positive impact for me personally. Since childhood I have internalised so many negative messages about myself, and I couldn't understand the overwhelm, the meltdowns, the sensory struggles, the social awkwardness, the all-consuming obsessions, the struggles with change and so many seemingly very simple things when I am so high-achieving in other areas.... just being able to understand why has already been so helpful and has vastly improved my mental wellbeing (and probably saved my marriage!)

I hope that you are able to gain similar understanding of yourself by exploring it further..... Merry Christmas!