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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this pregnancy discrimination?

83 replies

bexboz · 24/12/2023 20:15

My friends (two women in a same sex marriage) were telling me this. Let's call them A and B. They are having fertility treatment at a private clinic. They both want to carry a child. They started with A but had lots of issues and struggles and it has taken several years. In the meantime they decided B should get pregnant, she did with the first round of IUI and is currently about 8 months pregnant. They also decided to continue with A's fertility treatment as they feel like they are running out of time and even if she did get pregnant now, they would be ok with having two babies spaced so close together (for them, better than risking A not getting the chance to carry). Ok so that's their choice - that decision isn't what this post is about....

The discrimination question is about their fertility clinic which has a policy of not allowing babies and pregnant women into the waiting room because it can be upsetting for the other patients. I totally get this, it must be so hard to see. But at the same time it means that A can't have B there ---- - her WIFE - while she goes through all these procedures. It's already so stressful, but B isn't allowed to be there as she is visibly pregnant.

Maternity is a protected characteristic like race etc- it wouldn't be ok so say "no you can't come in because you are gay/trans/asian/ Jewish" so why can they say "no you can't come because you are pregnant" ?

AIBU to think it's really unfair?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 25/12/2023 22:56

No its not. Surely as a couple with fertility issues they cwmnunderstqnd how gut wrenching it is to see pregnant women and children. Even more so when you are extremely vulnerable on a fertility clinic

KombuchaKalling · 26/12/2023 00:07

Treefusis · 25/12/2023 11:26

Presumably they would cope like you do, and the millions of other parents who have 2 under 2.

But why seek it out? Last person l know who got 2 under 2 deliberately, went on and on and on about it so it was very wearing. She actually was aiming for 2 under 1 so logically would have moaned ever more had that happened

Mind you, the couple is this situation might have 2 under 1 as technically they don’t have any fertility issues. We didn’t seek out twins, it’s just what happened to us

bexboz · 26/12/2023 09:18

It's been really good to hear other people's perspectives. Thank you. Just to clarify a few things...

A does have fertility issues. Lesbians can have them too! She's had multiple years of trying IUI and more than one loss.

Neither A nor B was upset by this policy, and neither am I (strangely, as I am not part of this family!) i was just more curious from a legal perspective.

OP posts:
SquashPenguin · 26/12/2023 09:28

Discrimination or not, you’d have to have a very short memory or just be a bit stupid to not understand why it’s inappropriate to sit in the waiting room at a fertility clinic heavily pregnant. That’s the last thing I’d have wanted to see whilst I was waiting for my appointments.

Dinkydoo17 · 26/12/2023 16:25

I'm not sure if it's discrimination or not legally. If it's not then it sounds like a sensitive policy. I had 9 rounds of ivf and if I'd seen small children in the waiting room I wouldn't have been that upset. People have lives and childcare issues. However, if I'd seen a woman with a bump I would have found that extremely upsetting. It's the bump that just seems so damn unattainable and it's very tough to deal with.

bogbabe · 26/12/2023 19:59

They are the experts. Assuming that this is a well thought out policy, by people who know what they are doing, YABU.

Hesma · 26/12/2023 20:33

No, it’s been empathetic to the other patients. When my DD was 18 months old I had to go into hospital for a D&C following MC. My DH couldn’t come with me as he had DD with him and they wouldn’t let her in out of concern for the mental health if patients who had been struggling after multiple MCs. This is the same.

Borth · 26/12/2023 21:11

Totally reasonable

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