Is this pregnancy discrimination?

[bexboz]

My friends (two women in a same sex marriage) were telling me this. Let's call them A and B. They are having fertility treatment at a private clinic. They both want to carry a child. They started with A but had lots of issues and struggles and it has taken several years. In the meantime they decided B should get pregnant, she did with the first round of IUI and is currently about 8 months pregnant. They also decided to continue with A's fertility treatment as they feel like they are running out of time and even if she did get pregnant now, they would be ok with having two babies spaced so close together (for them, better than risking A not getting the chance to carry). Ok so that's their choice - that decision isn't what this post is about....

The discrimination question is about their fertility clinic which has a policy of not allowing babies and pregnant women into the waiting room because it can be upsetting for the other patients. I totally get this, it must be so hard to see. But at the same time it means that A can't have B there ---- - her WIFE - while she goes through all these procedures. It's already so stressful, but B isn't allowed to be there as she is visibly pregnant.

Maternity is a protected characteristic like race etc- it wouldn't be ok so say "no you can't come in because you are gay/trans/asian/ Jewish" so why can they say "no you can't come because you are pregnant" ?

AIBU to think it's really unfair?

It does seem like discrimination, but considering that it’s something they feel will benefit the vast majority of their clients the it’s not something to complain about.

They are choosing to go for two pregnancies at the same time which is very unusual so they have to accept there will be differences.

Of course they're allowed to be sad! I'm not trying to police anyone's emotions but I think the couple are being pretty dense not to understand why a pregnant woman in that space might be triggering and very difficult. To call it discrimination is extremely unreasonable and a massive reach.

They could try getting their head out of their arses and considering people who are broken hearted to receive bad news!

I wish the hospital I had to go to had thought about this sort of thing rather than making the gynae oncology and maternity depts share one waiting room. Sitting there in an (hours-late) clinic waiting to find out if, as well as having to have a total hysterectomy at 32, I also had cancer and being surrounded by bumps, babies and toddlers - not the best afternoon of my life.

It's sensitivity not discriminatory.

It's discrimination but legitimate

A lot of the responses are people throwing their opinion in and not actually answering the question. If pregnancy is a protected characteristic then yes, it is discrimination.

Also, there’s pregnant women every where, so it seems a bit unnecessary.

Ds1 is an icsi baby. I went to most things by myself. It really isn't a big deal and the clinic are fair enough in not allowing pregnant women and babies in, it's soul destroying when trying for a baby you want with all your heart but may never have.

Very good point.

Yes, it seems the clinic is acting illegally.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/check-what-type-of-discrimination-youve-experienced/pregnancy-and-maternity-discrimination/

YANBU. And I would have expected A who has had all these issues to be more understanding about why her wife can’t be be there at 8 months pregnant

no it’s not discrimination it’s how the clinic works

Illegal or not - one of them has been through the heartbreak of it not working. And now wants to shove her wife's pregnancy in the face of other women going through the same? with zero consideration of their feelings?

Solidarity? Nope. They need to get, as pp said, their heads out of their arses and stop being babies about it.

YABU and what’s it got to do with you? Are you actually one of the wives and not a friend? They’ve chosen to be in a same sex marriage and, unfortunately, this means that this rule applies to them you. It can be very upsetting for infertile women to see pregnant women so it’s best to think of their feelings too. Not discrimination.

Having a protected characteristic doesn't mean you get to do anything anytime anywhere just because

Although there are pregnant women everywhere that women having fertility treatment will see, I think that it will be particularly raw for them while having treatment.

If she needs support at the appointment can a friend or family member not accompany her?

Sounds reasonably balanced and proportionate to me

Chosen to be in a same sex marriage? Like they just got up one morning and decided to be gay?!

YABU.

There are situations where you can lawfully discriminate for example; seeking a female only domestic abuse support worker. You can positivity discriminate when seeking to employ a disabled person with lived experience as a peer support worker.

Additionally, given their fertility struggles, you’d think they’d be a tad more sensitive to others who are not as fortunate to be as far along as a pregnancy. Perhaps their memories are short!

Well, yeah. The elephant in the room is they don’t have fertility problems technically. I remember being told “l wasn’t trying hard enough and needed to persevere more” by a female married to a woman, who had already got 1 child from
IVF and subsequently had another. Hmmm ok. We had actual real fertility problems, her pep talk was tone deaf and condescending

I don’t think this situation fits any of the criteria for permissible discrimination.

Id just use a different clinic if I were them, it’s not worth the hassle.

Not discrimination. They need a babysitter. Kids shouldn't be at diagnostic screenings and plenty of us went thru multiple scans alone during Covid without a partner by our sides. Not ideal, often terrifying but being a parent is doing what you have to

Whilst I can see the point you’re trying to make, I think the clinic’s attempts to consider the emotional wellbeing of their clients is a good thing.

Whilst trying to conceive I had to have a number of gynae/fertility tests, appointments etc (NHS) and had to attend them all in the same maternity clinic and waiting area as pregnant women/new mums.

Whilst I understood this was what it was and didn’t take offence, this did make me feel uncomfortable at times, especially as some appointments were to find out if I could even conceive at all. It would have been much more comforting to have had them elsewhere, I think this is what the private clinic are trying to avoid.

How do you get a baby sitter for a baby that's inside you?

🤣 excellent question

I had to attend IVF appointments alone as we have no childcare. Plenty in the same position. Rather that than not having been successful and still despairing. They are going to have to manage.

Sometimes you have to put other people's needs before your own wants. When I was having my dc, husbands didn't get time off work for anything pregnancy related. Paternity leave was 2 weeks. My mum came and sat with me when I was miscarrying my first pregnancy.
Lots of women went through labour without their partner, especially if they were in the forces.
I am not saying it was better, just that it was the way it was.
I had to sit in a queue with lots of visibly pregnant women while I waited for my scan, knowing that I was miscarrying. That was very distressing.

Amazed at how many legal experts there are on here. No idea but I’d just think ‘fair enough’ if I were the couple.

They’re free to take their fertility clinic to court to prove their rights if they like.