Is it rude to buy someone a self help book?

[MyChristmasUsername]

Just wondering what you would think if you were the recipient, as someone else has said they would find it rude to open this.

YABU - definitely loaded, of all the things you could get someone..
YANBU - no it’s ok, overthinking

I did it once. It came from a good and innocent place but 30 years later still regret it.

Hmmm depends. If it was "how to recognise how wonderful you are" maybe. If it was "stop being a complete twat in 10 steps" I'd be pissed off

I would find it rude. Unless it was a specific issue that I'd talked about struggling with, and that I'd hoped to improve as a new year resolution or something.

I guess some topics might be ok. Help with insomnia would be fine. But other topics are a bit more sensitive.

Only if they’d expressed a desire for change.

It depends on what sort of self help book it is.
For example, I’ve recently done a course in learning about the Church and become a lay reader, so something connected to that would be a fab present.
Something along the lines of ‘You’re a mess, sort your shit out’ would be insulting.

No. Just no.

Ooh this is difficult. It does depend on what kind of one it is and if the recipient has expressed any desire/interest.

They didn’t

I think it very much depends on the person, situation and the book.

I'm very interested in psychology and mental health. These have also been part of my career. I get bought these kinds of books because I find them interesting.

On the other hand, if someone bought me a book on how to lose weight, I might be very upset.

So who has bought you a self help book OP?

Depends on the book.

I bought my sister a couple of self help books for bipolar disorder but that was after we had spoken at length about her condition and I asked her if I could buy her the books. In other situations with someone I wasn't close with or hadn't discussed the issue with or who wasn't clear she had a problem then I definitely wouldn't. And definitely not as a Christmas present.

It varies according to the circumstances.

Yes.

I’ve been listening to some quasi self help books on audible recently. I just finished monsters and how to tame them by Kevin hart. I don’t think I’d be insulted if the author was a favourite comedian or linked in with something I liked. I’d be a bit bemused if it was a ten steps to a better you or something.

Nooooooo.

Even if they’ve mentioned an interest, buying a book about it suggests that the giver sees the problem too. Which will always be tricky.

Not a good idea. The potential for giving offence is huge.

My ex's new woman bought a self help book for our perfectly normal happy 10yo ds. Ds glanced at it and dumped it in a cupboard. I binned it on Boxing Day.

The implication was profoundly offensive. I could only see it as an act of extreme nastiness.

Do you want to give a rough idea of the title or theme?

I read self help for pleasure so if it was an intelligent and interesting book by an author I was interested in (think Gabor Mate type thing) then I'd love it.
If it was more of an addressing an issue book (think Marie Kondo for someone with a messy home) then I'd laugh and unless it was from a family member I'd be avoiding future contact with the giver.

Incredibly rude

My older sister did it several times but she always asked me first, which I appreciated. I think an unsolicited self-help book is a rather poor option.

”Would you be open to a book on this topic?” or similar, was what I was asked. She was usually somewhat embarrassed as they were books she had used herself.

Of the three she sent me, two were bizarre and useless to me (glad they helped her!). However one was a total lifesaver and I am forever grateful for it.

Emotional intelligence 😬

oh fuck!

I think the tip is actually in the category of book it is.

It’s a “self” help book, not a “someone else” help book.

if you don’t need it for yourself, then the person you’re buying it for probably doesn’t want it either.

It's politer than calling them emotionally unintelligent to their face, but not by much.

Totally depends on the book, and on your relationship with the recipient, and whether they’ve actually told you openly that they want and need the kind of advice the book is offering.

For example, if DP’s crank cousin who I barely know handed me a copy of a book about how to connect with my spiritual side and become a nicer person, I’d be fucking livid. Or if a colleague gave me a book about distancing myself from toxic parents, I would be fucking livid AND I’d think they were insane because my parents are lovely. But if I’d confided in my best mate that I really needed to, eg, feel more confident at work, and they bought me a book about that, I’d think that was fine.