Is it rude to buy someone a self help book?

[MyChristmasUsername]

Just wondering what you would think if you were the recipient, as someone else has said they would find it rude to open this.

YABU - definitely loaded, of all the things you could get someone..
YANBU - no it’s ok, overthinking

She is the one who needs to read it!

Maybe she read it and found it really insightful. Maybe it'll be interesting.

My MIL bought be me a book called "sort your shit out and shut the fuck up" or something along those lines

I have a panic and anxiety disorder and believe me, if I could sort it out I would do! I was really insulted and it made me feel like she saw me as a weak, pathetic attention seeker. Baring in mind I'd never actually spoken to her about my mental illness at the time.

Cheeky bitch

It is possible she has read it and is enthusiastic about it. I think you need to ask her if she read it.

Ironically, buying you a self-help book on emotional intelligence suggests the person who gave it to you is seriously lacking in emotional intelligence

I was thinking the same!!

Could be the start of who can find the most outrageous book every year.

I've been given a couple of self help books for presents over the years and been grateful for them. One was in my 20s and handed to me with the words "I think you'll find this interesting" and indeed it was; another was more recently and tied into something we'd been discussing. Meanwhile, I've got a number of friends and we often recommend this type of book to each other.

😂😂
I got gifted a copy of this, it was left on my desk by a new boss after I'd been there about two weeks. I'm anxious when I start a new job and feel awkward anyway, and I thought 'WTAF?'

It did later turn out there had been a team building thing they had been doing based on the book, but it still threw me.

Yes it’s rude, unless they’ve specifically asked for it. Or it’s an absolute obvious joke.

I’d take that as a very obvious and pointed dig.

Good grief! Couldn't be more rude.

A Family Member has for Xmas just bought me

“The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read
*and maybe a few you don’t”

by Philippa Perry.

It’s apparently about how to have better quality relationships.

I am retired, so no work relationship problems. Happily Single for nearly 20 years, so no Other Half relationship problems. Lots of really good friends, and never any discussion with the Family Member of any problems with any of my friends.

So I can only assume that the Family Member is trying to tell me something. Perhaps the Family Member believes we have a Relationship Problem, and prefers to give me a “how to have better quality relationships” book than deal with whatever problem they have with me.

I’ve said “oh thanks so much for my present” but have not said that I shall be giving it to Charity Shop immediately.

I think it’s damn rude and passive aggressive way of saying they think there is something wrong with ME.

Stick to chocolates.

I could kind of understand someone giving that book as a gift actually, @HeatherChloeDog . The first few amazon reviews mention "give a copy to everyone you love." I'm thinking of ordering it myself, actually (and don't consider there is anything particularly wrong with me).

A "close" friend bought me a wafty insubstantial book, basically instructing me to stop and smell the flowers once in a while, find the joy in my imperfect life etc.

At the time I was going through several huge things serious enough to cause me cPTSD. And they knew all of the details. It hurt me bitterly and still hurts now. Such a thoroughly, utterly thoughtless/offensive gift. Still it taught me to rein in my expectations from that relationship.

If everytime a person sees someone and they spend the whole time going on about one subject, being totally self centred or genuinely being a total pain over a particular thing then

I guess the book could be useful or a hint 'you really need to fix something-'

But it would be simpler to stop contact

@HeatherChloeDog I’ve not read that one but anything by Philippa Perry would be a welcome gift.

Op, I think it depends entirely on your relationship with that person. It doesn’t sound like you have a great relationship with your sister but only you know whether this is something that she would do to offend you.

Not a gift, but many years ago I was a bit too enthusiastic about offering to lend a friend one of those toddler taming books - I don't think it went down too well at all.* We still don't have a great relationship.

*In my defence, I have learnt a lot since then about never, ever offering any advice ever to anyone about any aspect of parenting, especially if they approach life from a very different perspective.

Yes, it depends on the situation and context.

My BiL bought my dad that Wim Hof book a couple of years ago. It was obvious that it was on reference to my dad's (infrequent, medicated, not really discussed) bouts of depression and anxiety. It was pretty awkward to be honest, as though he was suggesting my dad should just ditch the fluoxetine and have cold showers instead, easy as that.

I know it was well intended and it was accepted with good grace but it was an awkward moment.

I should add that my husband would have quite liked the Wim Hof book as it's his sort of thing, so it wouldn't have been cringey to give it to him.

Yeah would say that's rude for a present. However if they had just read it, wanted to share it, so passed it on, that's different. But really not appropriate for a gift, because that suggests, that's what she felt you needed.

It’s rude, having been the recipient of such a book by a (former) friend.

She handed me a new book called something like “How to be happy” at my 40th birthday lunch, unwrapped and with a birthday card, in front of a dozen other friends. I was so embarrassed and the friends who saw it were seriously unimpressed. I had never expressed an interest before in self help books, nor had I ever said I was unhappy.