To say no to having nieces and nephews

[Sugarsun]

I’m feeling so sad for my nieces and nephews.

They are from 2 different siblings but both siblings have met new partners this year, have moved in together and now are acting as though their kids are an inconvenience.

Sibling 1 hasn’t lived with their kids for a long time but would always have them either Xmas eve or Boxing Day and half day Xmas day.
They met their new partner about 6 months ago.

They are point blank refusing to have them Xmas eve and Xmas day and only want to see them for half of Boxing Day.

Sibling 2 had an affair for a couple of months and then let the family home about 6 weeks ago to live with their new partner.

They are refusing to see their kids on Xmas eve and Boxing Day and only want to see them for a couple of hours on Xmas day, but have made it very clear that they can only see them for max. a couple of hours.

Whats worse is that the other parents of the kids have also found new partners and IMO are rushing things to try and prove a point to their ex’s (my siblings).

This means they also have plans over the Xmas period and they’re wanting me to have the kids because their other parents can’t.
My siblings are also asking that I have their kids.

I’m really pissed off with my siblings and the way they’re treating their kids and I don’t condone their behaviour at all but I’m also a single parent and I don’t think it’s fair that this is falling on me.

The reason I am single is because I cannot date as my family do not babysit.
I have less money than them and as a working single parent, a lot less free time.

So part of me thinks, why should I make things easy for them but then the other part of me feels really sorry for my nieces and nephews and think it’s not their fault, so should I be trying to make it nice for them.

AIBU?

YABU - you should have your nieces and nephews over the Xmas period, as them having a good time is more important than your opinion on your siblings.

YANBU - you should not have your nieces and nephews because it’s not your problem. Both siblings are choosing their new partners over their kids and it’s up to them to deal with it.

No because it sets a precedent of them not having their own DCs at Xmas

i think you should advise all of the parents that if they continue to pull this shit, you’re going to involve DSS, apply for full custody and hit them all up with CMS. Selfish fuckers.

These kids have two parents. You should not be filling in for the ones who can't be arsed as it just means they'll never be arsed. It's up to their ex's to deal with it. Court ordered if need be. Not you

I would be making this clear to the ex's to go legal.

I think charging for babysitting is the way to go, including overnight. It might make them sit up and take responsibility.

How has your Christmas day panned out OP?

Personally I'd be messaging all four parents in a joint message reading them the riot act that dumping their children so they can have a shag is the lowest of the low, neglecting their kids and it's not your responsibility to do their job and parent and you will not be taken for a doormat.

I know it sounds really harsh because you’re thinking of the kids but I think you need to say no and start stepping back. The cheek of them to expect you to take on all the responsibility while they do nothing. And how sad to argue over who isn’t having the kids- most parents argue because they desperately want the kids on Christmas. Those poor kids. You sound like a lovely auntie

Whilst yes it would be good to look after them for the kids sake, you need to say NO as the parents of these kids need to take some responsibility and whilst you are helping them they won't.

You are only making a rod for your own back if you do do it.

Reading this has actually made me feel quite sick. Those poor kids.

This is my first Christmas separated (and have a new partner). I’ve got the week before Xmas until Boxing Day, ex has Boxing Day to new year. I’d be gutted not to have my child at Xmas, but he has to see his dad so I’ve decided to try and enjoy the following week making plans with new bf. Surely they can alternate so the children get attention with each parent and then they get time with new partners??

This is so sad. My son is with his dad today, I can't wait to get him back tomorrow!
There's actually something I'd have liked to go to tomorrow, and his dad would absolutely have kept him longer if I asked him too - but I'd like to be with my child over Christmas more!

I think you are the stability and loving parental figure for all these children. If you take them in it is an act of love for them, and they will never forget that you were there for them.