To buy my lovely single cousin a trip to meet other christian singles?

[DragonMama3]

Would you be offended if you were my cousin?

She's lovely. I think she might meet someone nice.

Absolutely not. If she was that bothered about being in a relationship she'd have done something about it

From someone who was very single for many years please don’t do this!!

Her Church is so mature ie older fold. They are all takeb

I think that’s really rude, unless she has mentioned she’d like to do something like that. Why not instead say you read about it, and thought she might be interested

Absolutely not.

I'm single and I'd really not thank you for that, I'm happy this way and if I ever want to change it I will.
What makes you think she's not perfectly happy the way things are?

Ew no don't do this unless she has clearly expressed a desire for it.

but she's not happy.

I'm going to FaceTime her...

This cannot be real surely.

I would have been beyond mortified and hurt if a someone had done this to me when I was single. It was awful enough having everyone ask regularly if I was dating etc. If you care about her as much as you profess to, don’t do it.

As someone else said most of these groups are full of women.

I know one Eastern European woman who’s a local church member and in her 30s and would like a boyfriend but told me she hasn’t met anyone in church. Another friend of mine tried different churches and Christian singles dating sites and met a handful of men, none really suitable.

Genuinely - why? Because it's embarrassing. I see it more as a real opportunity for 2 people to have a happy life

Because I don't want to meet someone for the sake of meeting someone. 'Meeting someone' is an act, not an answer.

Because the event itself sounds awful and not my kind of thing at all (religion aside)

If I had an ex fiancee I missed it would be even less welcome. Because I still missed them particularly - not just 'missed someone'. Which, by the way, makes it also very unfair on the others at the event to have someone there who may not yet be the ready.

How you view such an event is deeply personal. Which is why you need to be sure. Because unlike a pair of socks, it comes with the possibility of really hurting them with the gift.

Couldn’t you try to introduce her either via a wedding or something to someone suitable who’s single? Worked for a friend/work colleague of mine at her sister’s wedding.

Jumped the shark here OP

Unless she expresses interest in such a thing DO NOT DO THIS.

You sound generous and thoughtful.

Is it something like Oak Hall, where lots of singles end up meeting and marrying, but it isn't explicit or indeed for that purpose?

Or a more explicitly singles/dating themed group? In which case it could be a little daunting and might be worth asking first, or giving her a choice rather than paying for it in advance.

You know her better than anyone here. I'd have been thrilled to be given an Oak Hall holiday, but somewhat nervous of the second type.

Ugh. This sounds like the worst idea ever. Do not do it. If my cousin got me this it would end our relationship. I’d absolutely hate it. It’s offensive, patronising and presumptuous.

Then don't buy it. You'd be buying a present that says "please do something you're not convinced you want to do/please change your behaviour"

That's not what Christmas and birthday gifts are for. Save the conversation for another time.

By all means offer to buy her a trip somewhere she's said she'd like to go. Or with a group she's said she'd like to try. Otherwise no.

This is like buying a fat person a subscription to weight watchers for Christmas. It’s basically a hint that they’re not good enough in your eyes and that you think you know better than they do about their own wants and needs.

Maybe she likes being single?? This is massive control freak behaviour! Is she not worth her own self rather than HAVING to meet someone.

Talk to her - tell her you've been reading about <name of org>, and you wondered if she might enjoy it. And if she expresses an interest you could then ask if it'd be ok for you to pay for a trip. Probably don't describe it as 'Christian singles' or as though it's a matchmaking thing!

Many moons ago, an aunt took my dm on a Holiday Fellowship holiday (not sure if it was as religious as you describe but nice place, lovely walks). She met my DF there and they had a long and happy marriage. So although I'm as atheist as they come I probably have more positive feelings about this notion than others!

By the way, would you be going with her? I can't think many people would be offended by "would you consider accompanying me on this holiday? It would be my treat".

That's quite different from "I think you should do this thing I've chosen and paid for because you aren't doing life right"...

I am a Christian and single.

Oh my gosh do not do this.

Christian singles holidays will likely attract a particular group of people - probably it varies a bit by holiday company - and these may or may not be her type.

A voucher for a trip of her choice, or a mini-break for the two of you to have some fun: maybe-to-good gift option.

Weird compulsory pressured moving on from an Ex you liked(???) in a setting with which she may or may strongly not feel comfortable - deeply bizarre.

I would personally prefer an afternoon tea/cocktails/weekend away with you than being forced into this.

Why not do something like that instead? She might be happy being single. She might be in therapy. She may be taking a breather.

Don't force your opinions onto her, however well meaning.