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Original poster

Do you think all children are inherently likeable and worthwhile human beings?

66 replies

Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 20:44

Going round in circles here, so interested to see what others think. My instinct is that all children ARE have worth simply because they are human.

But if I really examine that, I think of myself growing up in a house where 1 caregiver really did not seem to like me at all. Sometimes they were ok and nice but a lot of the time - no. The odd time, they scared the shit out of me.

They didn't like me and we don't like everyone we meet as adults, so it stands to reason they just found me really irritating? It's not that it was all my fault but more like it wasn't their fault either - just unfortunate really?

When they were diagnosed with a terminal illness out of the blue, they did apologise about it. It made me very sad but the more I think about it the more I think well no, it was just an ugly unfortunate truth that they didn't like me but that wasn't exactly their fault?

I read on here quite regularly about people who don't like children who aren't their own but it feels like it's not really talked about - that some children just aren't very likeable or are a bit marmite. Just like certain adults, but it's not acknowledged about children.

I had other people who loved me and thought I was a fucking delight Grin so I'm luckily not too damaged but I definitely hold my hands up now as an adult and know I'm not everybody's cup of tea...so surely it makes sense that as a child it was the same?

What do you think?

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 20:46

Does every human being have intrinsic worth? Yes.
Is everyone likeable? No.

Christmasbird · 23/12/2023 20:47

No

Weefreetiffany · 23/12/2023 20:48

Sorry they were a dick to you. You did nothing to deserve that. As long as you like you that’s what matters

missmollygreen · 23/12/2023 20:49

Most children are not likeable, from an adults perspective. But I dont think it is their fault

PrincessesRUs · 23/12/2023 20:50

I'm a school teacher and I have to say that I think I've yet to come across a child I didn't like -in 16 years of teaching. There are some children that I might not like teaching much or might not like in a group setting but outside the classroom I can still find things about them that make them interesting/likeable as individuals.

Crazycrazylady · 23/12/2023 20:52

No I don't believe that all children.have the same like-ability.
Some are naturally good natured and cheerful and some are naturally more sullen or negative.

But I think that parents may 'like' one child more than others but they love them the same .
I have friends who frequently admit that one of their kids is 'difficult to like' and he is.

SemperIdem · 23/12/2023 20:53

Yes, all children have worth.

No, not all children are inherently likeable. Far from it.

The adult in your life should have managed their emotions better though.

CavalierApproach · 23/12/2023 20:54

All children are worthwhile human beings whose lives have value.

But of course not all children are likeable. That would be impossible.

ClottedCreamScone · 23/12/2023 20:54

All children are not inherently likeable. Some are much more annoying and prone to be arseholes than others!

But all children are worthy of being treated with kindness and love. If their caregiver isn’t doing so then that’s on the caregiver no matter how irritating the child is.

Sometimeswinning · 23/12/2023 20:55

PrincessesRUs · 23/12/2023 20:50

I'm a school teacher and I have to say that I think I've yet to come across a child I didn't like -in 16 years of teaching. There are some children that I might not like teaching much or might not like in a group setting but outside the classroom I can still find things about them that make them interesting/likeable as individuals.

I’m a TA. I agree. It’s more likely I’ll dislike the parent.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 23/12/2023 20:55

What a fantastic thread oar OP.
I get what you are saying 100% as this was my childhood and like you THANK FUCK for those adults who did like me, we’re kind to me, seemed to enjoy my company and guided me because my parents seemed to actively dislike me and find my presence an abomination.

Together with DV between parents and towards us kids it is no fucking wonder we have turned out the way we have and why I now feel worthless about 99% of the time.

I do like children. There are none that I can say I dislike. I find them fun and interesting and have an overwhelming mothering protecting instinct towards them. Even if we have a play date child in the house I feel fiercely protective of them and hugely responsible to make sure they feel happy and welcome.

Even the thought of someone being cruel or unkind to a child upsets me beyond words. I am unable to cope with news stories.

MaryMcI · 23/12/2023 20:56

I agree with Whataretheodds that these are really two separate questions.
Do all children have intrinsic worth? Yes.
Do you have to like every child you meet? No. I don’t particularly like the children who picked on my DC at school, why would I? That’s up to their parents to do.
It’s the last bit of what I said which brings those two things together. You use the word ‘caregiver’ rather than parent, and it would be a normal expectation that a caregiver would be nurturing and caring towards a child and certainly not give the impression that they don’t like them. Basically, it’s part of giving care to find the best in a child and nurture them, not treat them in such a way as they realise you don’t like them. So I do think that this person let you down in such a way is sad.
I also think you are right to focus on the people who did/ do love and nurture you, though.

I also wonder if sometimes it is not the child, but the caregiving role that some people don’t like. I think that is definitely true where caregiving closes off avenues which might otherwise have been open. I am thinking of my own mother here, where having children was not compatible with a professional career for her.

Bobbybobbins · 23/12/2023 20:57

As others have said, having worth is not the same as being likeable. I've been teaching secondary for 20 years. Every child/young person has worth. Not every child is likeable. In my time teaching have had several who have come in at year 7 who unfortunately we have been able to predict that they will not make it through school or end up in the criminal justice system. Which is sad.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 23/12/2023 20:59

I doubt that you were unlikeable as a child. Sounds to me more like your caregiver struggled with stuff of their own, didn't cope brilliantly with it, and had no patience for anything else. Suspect that any child, of any personality would have had the same treatment, sadly. It sounds like it wasn't about you, but was about them. Flowers

Weddingpuzzle · 23/12/2023 21:00

I think because most children are ego centric up to a certain age and then have learned behaviour after that it would be hard to assess them all as inherently likeable.

Every human being has worth to start with but there are variables in adults that make them lose that - for example I would never say that any murderer, rapist or peadophile has worth. But I think children start out having worth but dark triad personalities are constructed in early childhood.

Cattenberg · 23/12/2023 21:00

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 23/12/2023 20:59

I doubt that you were unlikeable as a child. Sounds to me more like your caregiver struggled with stuff of their own, didn't cope brilliantly with it, and had no patience for anything else. Suspect that any child, of any personality would have had the same treatment, sadly. It sounds like it wasn't about you, but was about them. Flowers

This definitely.

coxesorangepippin · 23/12/2023 21:01

They are not all likeable

They are small humans, after all

Original poster
Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 21:06

Yes they are two separate questions in a way but also interlinked.

If we agree that every child has worth, then they have the right to getting certain needs met.

But if nobody likes you, how can you truly have emotional needs met?

Perhaps I'm being thick here, but I don't understand.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 23/12/2023 21:06

I work in a school and I can honestly say that I have yet to come across a child I don't like in that setting. There is a child outside that setting who I believe has the potential to be an utterly awful adult and I don't like her at all. So I have distanced myself from her and her family.

It's interesting because the children I see teachers struggle with are the ones I'm drawn to, to give extra support. I believe all children should be nurtured and supported. Unfortunately many are not.

plantpotsandbugs · 23/12/2023 21:06

I was thinking similar last weekend actually.

Took my kids to the birthday party of a friend who was turning 5.

He's quite a dour faced little boy, doesn't play particularly nicely, not very engaging, just sits and scowls a lot.

Turned up at his house for his party and he had a plethora of lovely aunties taking jackets and handing out drinks and snacks, and a load of adoring uncles rigging up games in the garden etc.

I'm guessing they just adore him for being their young family member, rather than on merit. And I guess that's just how it is, in many, many, many cases. Nearly all, probably.

Lucky him though. I was very envious (my kids don't have much family).

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/12/2023 21:07

I'm a school teacher and I have to say that I think I've yet to come across a child I didn't like -in 16 years of teaching. There are some children that I might not like teaching much or might not like in a group setting but outside the classroom I can still find things about them that make them interesting/likeable as individuals.

Out of interest, are you a primary or secondary school teacher? Older secondary students are nearly adults. It would be naïve to think that all people go from being inherently and then become magically potentially dislikeable overnight when they turn 18.

All children need to be looked after, and treated as though they have potential, even when they are not showing it at the time. However, I have certainly taught a few teenagers whom I've disliked. But only ones who have persistentluly behaved viciously, cruelly and violently towards others. In some cases it's all too obvious that their behaviour is a result of trauma or a terrible home life, and I feel deep pity for them. But it is very hard to like them.

Original poster
Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 21:09

I mean, I was fortunate enough to have other adults who loved me so I credit them with my ability to form good relationships now as an adult.

Not every child has that.

Saying a child has worth, without any real way of meeting their normal human needs for being loved and cared for if nobody is doing that caring - seems a bit empty. I think that is what I mean.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 23/12/2023 21:10

plantpotsandbugs · 23/12/2023 21:06

I was thinking similar last weekend actually.

Took my kids to the birthday party of a friend who was turning 5.

He's quite a dour faced little boy, doesn't play particularly nicely, not very engaging, just sits and scowls a lot.

Turned up at his house for his party and he had a plethora of lovely aunties taking jackets and handing out drinks and snacks, and a load of adoring uncles rigging up games in the garden etc.

I'm guessing they just adore him for being their young family member, rather than on merit. And I guess that's just how it is, in many, many, many cases. Nearly all, probably.

Lucky him though. I was very envious (my kids don't have much family).

This is interesting because in a school setting I work with a child just like that. I've had to work really really hard to see past this sullen little boy, often rude, who at first glance would be unlikeable but now I've got his trust. He responds well, even laughs with me sometimes. I know there is a loving but difficult background. It's taken ages to get him to come out of that shell. I would also say that there is often SEN with children who appear socially awkward or just unhappy.

Original poster
Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 21:10

missmollygreen · 23/12/2023 20:49

Most children are not likeable, from an adults perspective. But I dont think it is their fault

This made me laugh!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2023 21:11

Was the caregiver you refer to actively choosing that role? Because I can see that being forced into a caring role could make you resent the role, and therefore the child. Even if the child is likeable as well as a human being, deserving of love and care.