Do you think all children are inherently likeable and worthwhile human beings?

[Squaringthecircle]

Going round in circles here, so interested to see what others think. My instinct is that all children ARE have worth simply because they are human.

But if I really examine that, I think of myself growing up in a house where 1 caregiver really did not seem to like me at all. Sometimes they were ok and nice but a lot of the time - no. The odd time, they scared the shit out of me.

They didn't like me and we don't like everyone we meet as adults, so it stands to reason they just found me really irritating? It's not that it was all my fault but more like it wasn't their fault either - just unfortunate really?

When they were diagnosed with a terminal illness out of the blue, they did apologise about it. It made me very sad but the more I think about it the more I think well no, it was just an ugly unfortunate truth that they didn't like me but that wasn't exactly their fault?

I read on here quite regularly about people who don't like children who aren't their own but it feels like it's not really talked about - that some children just aren't very likeable or are a bit marmite. Just like certain adults, but it's not acknowledged about children.

I had other people who loved me and thought I was a fucking delight so I'm luckily not too damaged but I definitely hold my hands up now as an adult and know I'm not everybody's cup of tea...so surely it makes sense that as a child it was the same?

What do you think?

Well some children have been convicted of murder or rape or arson and similar crimes. No doubt they've had terrible life experiences to end up like that, and I've never met any if them but I don't imagine I'd find them likeable. Children are just humans after all - flawed as much as adults.

I think children are human beings and, just like adults, some children have more intrinsically pleasant personalities than others. But ALL children have equal worth and ALL children deserve love, care, safety, education, kindness. And of course, while I do think some children are more innately inclined to be actively unpleasant than than others, you have to take into account the fact that a young child doesn’t have the same capacity as an adult, so obviously we have understand that and be fair to them on that basis - if a toddler thumps a baby, that’s clearly not the same as an adult doing the same thing.

I would also add that there’s a world of difference between finding a child unlikeable because they are, eg, knowingly spiteful or cruel, and finding a child unlikeable simply because they have a different personality to you and treating them differently because of that. It’s just unforgivable to treat a child like shit, ever. And I strongly suspect that the way your caregiver behaved towards you was absolutely not about your behaviour and entirely about their own issues. I think it’s highly likely that you were a lovely kid. And even if you weren’t, that was not an excuse for you to treated like that. It’s abominable to make a child feel like you were made to feel.

Was the caregiver you refer to actively choosing that role?

Nope. They did agree to take me on though and thought I was a lovely baby.

They just started to dislike me once I became a toddler I suppose.

I suppose toddlerhood is where personality begins to emerge so makes sense.

I think it's probably the role, not you. Sorry

I thought for a long time I hated kids but then I spent time with a friends son and realised it’s the parents I couldn’t stand.

kids are just kids, they behave how they learn and a bit of respect and not treating them like morons goes a long way. The parents however, ugh. Something seems to happen to a person when they have kids and it’s not positive. Kids see thro performative parenting and they’re usually the ones who act out the most.

@TheFormidableMrsC I don't know if this boy has any SEN. I'm not aware of any, but I don't know.

He has a lovely family though. Very wealthy and full of academics. Which I did know before the party, but wasn't aware of the extent of the adoring extended family.

He will likely be leaving our little local school in next year or two and going to private school.

It was hard not to feel a bit of jealousy for this little boy who seemed to have won the lottery in life as regards being born into a wealthy, supportive, adoring, very large family....yet he just seems so rude and unappreciative.

There are a lot of them like that around here though. We live in a fairly expensive area and a lot of families are very privileged. I didn't have that type of upbringing, and whilst I do my best for my kids, they don't have the opportunities these kids have. So I do see a lot of them as horribly spoiled and a lot of them I don't particularly like, as wrong as that feels to say.

I work in an area nearby and deal (indirectly) with kids and families who could be considered in poverty. I find it a lot easier to empathise with these kids. Obviously there are exceptions, but a lot of them just seem so much more easier pleased, more appreciative of things, and less bad tempered. The ones who are bad tempered generally have very good reasons for being so, so it seems more understandable.

Toddlerhood is also when children start to defy adult authority, which makes some adults dislike children who they had previously adored.

I always have taken a dim view of people that are cruel/ rude/ disrespectful of children.
I've only recently become concious of that opinion but it rings true for me.
Children can no doubt be annoying but they are not to be perceived in the way grown adults are because they have immature minds and we don't know what background they are growing up in because they are very impressionable.
That's not to say we don't teach them right from wrong, (my highly abusive family would say I am being too soft but I was brought up to be scared) but there are ways of doing it.
When children are projected upon or treated differently because of something that is out of their control is never ok. We just have to teach them how to be without judgement or malice.
I've just got alot to say because it's happened to me due to my parent's shortfalls and refusal to do better.

I don’t think people can really be divided into two categories, “likeable” and “unlikeable”. It’s very subjective. It’s true that almost no one enjoys mean behaviour, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a child who was always kind and never mean.

One person might find a cheeky, mischievous child amusing. Someone else might think they were a tedious nuisance.

One person might adore a child who loves learning, enjoys helping the teacher and always has their hand up to volunteer an answer. Someone else might think they were an attention-seeking goody-two-shoes.

One person might like a quiet, thoughtful child who spends most of their free time reading. Someone else might find it infuriating to see them sitting down all the time, instead of interacting with others or doing something active.

If I think about the children I haven't warmed to, they have mostly been classmates of my own children, so I probably only came across a very minor side of them.

I used to teach kids' ESL and there were some difficult characters there but yes, sometimes I'd get one of them for a moment one on one and I would suddenly get them. Those were magic moments and why I want to work with children again. I didn't have enough time with the kids though so it would always be fleeting and they would be back to being a pain and refusing to do anything the next time.

Sullen and rude/miserable IME is shyness/anxiety based.

I struggled more with the kids who were constantly engaging in one-upping, wind up type behaviour. I just find it tiresome and I'm never sure how is best to react to it - present a totally unbothered front, or assert authority (the latter not coming very naturally to me).

Just to give a different perspective. Firstly, I work in a school in a very deprived area and there is an awful lot of poverty. However, my own background is private education and privilege. I had a very fortunate upbringing. However, my experiences with so many of my peers was wealth, boarding school, whatever they wanted. It was born from emotional neglect and parents who didn't want the inconvenience of parenting so lavished stuff out of guilt. There were a lot of deeply unhappy and troubled children who seemed to have it all! What they didn't have was love or a supportive family. I have found that the opposite is largely true in the setting I work in. Lots of very loving parents struggling to provide and doing their best. Appearances are very very deceptive.

I get that not every person likes every other person, but I do think that children deserve what's clinically termed 'unconditional positive regard' from their caregivers. I can't imagine how painful and confusing it must be to a child to feel disliked by the very individual with the power to define their understanding of the entire world around them.
So yes, I believe that all children deserve to be treated as worthy of love and respect, even if they are not a perfect fit for whatever it was the adult hoped they'd be. My experience of parenting has taught me that our children are here to confound us, surprise us, expose our biases, and it's through loving them for whatever peculiar unexpected individual they might turn out to be, that we learn to become better people ourselves.

All this to say, I'm sorry that was your early experience of the world, OP. You deserved better. I hope you have found affection and security and admiration in spades elsewhere.

Saying a child has worth, without any real way of meeting their normal human needs for being loved and cared for if nobody is doing that caring - seems a bit empty. I think that is what I mean.

I love my child because she’s mine and I’ve bonded with her. I think it’s partly hormonal and I look at her through mummy-goggles. When she was born, l thought she was a particularly beautiful baby, of course. Later on, I was convinced she was particularly clever.

My child is not always a joy. She has suspected ADHD and her behaviour is often very challenging. Yet, I love her unconditionally and I can usually see the good in her. For example, she cares a lot about animals, she wants to be friends with everyone and she’s often very generous. Also, she looks adorable when she’s asleep!

I think every child deserves that unconditional love and if they don’t receive it, it isn’t their fault.

All people have worth, so there for all children do.

However I'd happily yeet the little fuckers bullying my daughter across the school playground.

This! I'm retired now, but I used to look around the sea of faces in assembly and think that I could happily have adopted 99% of them.

This is such an interesting question so marking place.

I agree that all children have worth, but I like some more than others, just as I do with adults.

I'm not too fond of the girl who always excludes my child from group games and aggressively tells dc to go away because she doesn't want to play with them.

And some children of course commit awful crimes.

No.

Nope. I've met some genuinely horrible children.

What a fantastic post.

Every human has worth (whatever that means) but, I don't think all kids are likeable.

Actually, I find the majority of children unlikeable until they grow into the teenage years.

I do agree with this.

I definitely don’t like every child I meet. But if they’re in my company and do something I think is wrong, I think it is right to gently correct and coach. Similarly, it’s right to praise good behaviour.

I think some kids behave like little shits and by and large, ND aside, that’s down to what is allowed or modelled to them by their caregivers. It’s not their fault. They might see that their friend behaves differently so gets told off less/more positive reinforcement, but they’re not capable of objectivity assessing why on their own, they’re children.

Some kids are adorable, some are just irritating. I’ve met loads of very unlikeable kids, just like I’ve met some very unlikeable adults. That’s not to say they don’t have worth, of course they do and I’m sure their families love them. I just don’t want them near me.