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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think all children are inherently likeable and worthwhile human beings?

66 replies

Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 20:44

Going round in circles here, so interested to see what others think. My instinct is that all children ARE have worth simply because they are human.

But if I really examine that, I think of myself growing up in a house where 1 caregiver really did not seem to like me at all. Sometimes they were ok and nice but a lot of the time - no. The odd time, they scared the shit out of me.

They didn't like me and we don't like everyone we meet as adults, so it stands to reason they just found me really irritating? It's not that it was all my fault but more like it wasn't their fault either - just unfortunate really?

When they were diagnosed with a terminal illness out of the blue, they did apologise about it. It made me very sad but the more I think about it the more I think well no, it was just an ugly unfortunate truth that they didn't like me but that wasn't exactly their fault?

I read on here quite regularly about people who don't like children who aren't their own but it feels like it's not really talked about - that some children just aren't very likeable or are a bit marmite. Just like certain adults, but it's not acknowledged about children.

I had other people who loved me and thought I was a fucking delight so I'm luckily not too damaged but I definitely hold my hands up now as an adult and know I'm not everybody's cup of tea...so surely it makes sense that as a child it was the same?

What do you think?

OP posts:

Newgirls · 23/12/2023 22:06

All kids start out lovely and then life or parenting changes them. By y 6 I’ve met some nasty bullying types. You can see why that behaviour happens and theoretically have understanding but it does mean that kid is no longer likeable

WhimsicalMoth · 23/12/2023 22:07

From a parent of a younger child - No.
does every child have worth? Yes. Of course. I also believe every adult has worth, potential and the like.
But is every child likeable ?? HELL. NO.
I love my own, just about tolerate others. Bar 2 of my child's friends who are actually very sweet.

Lwrenagain · 23/12/2023 22:09

DP and I were having this conversation about 20 minutes ago, what are the chances!

I've only ever met 2 children I didnt like hanging out with and neither one was at fault, it was simply they had utterly shite mums and dads.
Let's call them Larry and Barry.

Larry - mum told him that he was better than everyone else and that he was the favourite of santa and even Jesus.
His dad called him names used to belittle boys and men for not being toxic thugs.
The combo made him so awful to be around and it was heartbreaking because with much nicer parents he'd have been lovely.
He was incredibly rude and spiteful though, telling everyone how stupid they were but that was definitely not natural to him, he was just raised by nobheads.

Barry - parents staged photos of the perfect family life but largely ignored him and left to his own devices so he'd do things such as spray his baby sister in the face with domestos bleach for attention or pull the dogs whiskers and laugh when it yelped.
I sat with him once and read some of my DC books to him, getting him to show me his favourite colours etc, basic baby stuff and he was a wee gem, then his mum came back for him (I was babysitting for her whilst she nipped the shops) and behaved like I was reading with him to punish him. Weird fuckers they were, I was thrilled when they moved, I didn't like the adults generally and they gave me anxiety with how lackadaisical they were when it came to him harming his younger siblings.

PeloMom · 23/12/2023 22:12

YouJustDoYou · 23/12/2023 22:13

Having worked in nurseries and schools, in general - yes. But - depends on the parents. I think most children are good. But certain types of parents, and specifically certain cultures, ruin children to their core, especially boys.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 22:16

Some children are shits. I knew that as a child and I know it as an adult.

But it’s up to adults to realise that other people’s children are children and to treat them fairly and with kindness, within reason.

StragglyTinsel · 23/12/2023 22:17

It’s not even that some children/people are inherently unlikeable - by everyone. Children have personalities and mannerisms and all kinds of things that will appeal to some people more than others.

One person’s sweet and adorable child, may be another’s nauseating suck up (who gets the other kids into trouble). One person’s boisterous and curious child may be another’s pain the arse who never stops talking. The circumstances can all make a difference too.

Very few people are just universally unlikeable.

It’s also the case that being mistreated by a parent is not a measure of your own likability. That sort of thing was never about you; it was all about them.

BurbageBrook · 23/12/2023 22:19

I was a teacher and didn't come across any child I didn't like (secondary age). Yes some of them could be infuriating, but unlikeable? No. It was your caregiver's fault OP, not yours.

grumpycow1 · 23/12/2023 22:23

SemperIdem · 23/12/2023 20:53

Yes, all children have worth.

No, not all children are inherently likeable. Far from it.

The adult in your life should have managed their emotions better though.

This! They should not have made you feel their dislike. Being an adult is managing your emotions and recognising how they feel is not an innocent child’s fault.

SutWytTi · 23/12/2023 22:26

missmollygreen · 23/12/2023 20:49

Most children are not likeable, from an adults perspective. But I dont think it is their fault

I disagree with this entirely.

Zarah123 · 23/12/2023 22:26

BurbageBrook · 23/12/2023 22:19

I was a teacher and didn't come across any child I didn't like (secondary age). Yes some of them could be infuriating, but unlikeable? No. It was your caregiver's fault OP, not yours.

Really?! I was an English assistant and taught several teenage dickheads in a few short months.

grumpycow1 · 23/12/2023 22:30

One example - have witnessed one of my son’s “friends” being a bit mean to him and me and my husband both think he’s a little shit (behind closed doors and never in earshot of my son). The issue is my son became close to a boy that is friends with this other lad and it’s a jealousy thing.

however I acknowledge that he is just a child and so I would never ever be horrible to him!

Reugny · 23/12/2023 22:32

Squaringthecircle · 23/12/2023 21:14

I suppose toddlerhood is where personality begins to emerge so makes sense.

Toddlers copy you though.

So yes while they have personalities they do copy the words and behaviour including attitude of those around them particularly if they respect you.

10yDrama · 23/12/2023 22:32

Children are humans.

All humans are different.

Not all humans like all the other humans.

As such not all children will be liked by all people.

I'm always kind to kids. But I don't beat myself up if I dislike them.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 24/12/2023 02:45

I don't think I've ever met a small child who I would describe as unlikeable. As they get older, of course, some pretty undesirable character traits can emerge, but not when they're very little.

mantyzer · 25/12/2023 02:08

If we are talking about under 18 year olds, of course not all children are likeable. Some children commit horrific crimes.
But most children are likeable to some people and not others, just like adults.

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