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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at how long it takes my boyfriend to poo?!

92 replies

sotiredhelpme · 23/12/2023 19:55

This is such a silly rant but needs to come out. Do all men sit on the toilet between 30 mins to an hour doing a poo? I just had to tell mine to come on because I need to also use the bathroom (we only have one) he was in there for at least half an hour and had done nothing. I feel bad for rushing him but he does this everyday, just spends so long on the toilet.. I feel like he wastes his life in the bathroom! Are all men like this?!

OP posts:
Kwasi · 23/12/2023 20:29

Deebee90 · 23/12/2023 19:58

Thank god you’re not my partner, I have ibd and sometimes spend 30 mins or more on the toliet. If my partner moaned I’d say there’s the door.

But her partner doesn't have IBD. I am sure OP would be very sympathetic and patient if he did.

alpenguin · 23/12/2023 20:29

My partner does this - takes 40 mins and does it a minimum of four times a day. If the place didn’t stink so bad I’d think he was making it up. He goes as soon as he’s finished eating and doesn’t bother waiting for us to finish eating. He literally walks from the kitchen after leaving his plates at the sink to straight to the loo.

He does have ibs from not cutting out the things that make it worse but it doesn’t have to be that way. I do think he waits for it to fall out and reckon his mum sat him on the potty as soon as he’d eaten as a toddler so the habit has stuck. I fucking hate it .

Original poster
sotiredhelpme · 23/12/2023 20:30

Kwasi · 23/12/2023 20:28

If it's his IBS that's making him take so long, he needs to get on a low FODMAP diet ASAP, but chances are, he's just on his phone.

My ex used to take forever and swore it wasn't because he was playing his game. I calked his bluff and told him he needed an urgent doctor's appointment, as taking so long is a sign of bowel cancer. He soon stopped taking so long.

He claims it's IBS.. but I don't know if he's actually been diagnosed with it? His diet is honestly terrible and he does not look after himself.. he is 100% in there in his phone as he's a phone addict as it is. Can't get him off it.. literally walks around the house on it and doesn't even put it down to get his coat on..

OP posts:
MysticalMegx · 23/12/2023 20:30

Yes so f*kin annoying. Me or the kids can be desperate to go and I can hear him watching YouTube vids, it's such a leisurely 30 mins for men.

facepalmdaily · 23/12/2023 20:32

Probably having some 'me' time!

Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 20:33

he doesn't go when he needs to.. he sits and forces it when it's not ready!

This. I am certain my DH does this.

He isn't in there on his phone.

When i need to go, i just... go. It takes like 2 mins. He will decide to "go and try" at a time that suits him (basically 8.45am, daily). He genuinely seems unable to go any quicker.

He doesn't eat enough fruit.

I've seriously thought about slipping him laxatives.

CantStandMeow · 23/12/2023 20:34

ExH would hide in the bathroom to avoid helping out with DC. Then later to text OW. No bowel issues. Selfish Twat Syndrome was the diagnosis.

DH has Crohns and occasionally has to spend longer than usual in there. Or more often. However, is not a selfish twat so it's an entirely different situation.

Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 20:36

I swear he just waits for it to drop out by gravity and doesn't actually try to push.

I think its also an element of this sometimes. Lazy fuckers

Original poster
sotiredhelpme · 23/12/2023 20:36

Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 20:33

he doesn't go when he needs to.. he sits and forces it when it's not ready!

This. I am certain my DH does this.

He isn't in there on his phone.

When i need to go, i just... go. It takes like 2 mins. He will decide to "go and try" at a time that suits him (basically 8.45am, daily). He genuinely seems unable to go any quicker.

He doesn't eat enough fruit.

I've seriously thought about slipping him laxatives.

I honestly thought of doing the same and slipping in some laxatives.. I've even advised of things you can take to help you go and he says 'no' ....

OP posts:
NoCloudsAllowed · 23/12/2023 20:37

Don't stand for the double standards op. Do your hair.

And if you do the cooking, I'd institute a nice healthy fibre-rich diet to help his bowels. Plenty of celery and brown rice. See if that makes any difference.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 23/12/2023 20:37

I've literally given birth in less time. It's pathetic

brainworms · 23/12/2023 20:41

Men mostly do this to avoid doing things they don't want to, like helping with the kids in the morning or some other task that they can't be arsed with.

Every time he does it, switch off the WiFi and stand outside the loo and tell him if he doesn't hurry the fuck up, that you're going to sit on HIM, and have a wee.

I wouldn't put up with that nonsense.

shakeitoffsis · 23/12/2023 20:41

They are all the same fucking idiots.

AuntieMabelsLeftSock · 23/12/2023 20:47

mrsm43s · 23/12/2023 20:12

DH does this. I swear he just waits for it to drop out by gravity and doesn't actually try to push.

My dh has literally explained his long poo sessions by this. Apparently at some point in his life he was told not to push it out and will literally wait for gravity to do its thing. Drives me fucking insane.

Push your shit and get on with life dick head.

christmaspawpaws · 23/12/2023 20:49

At work I have to click on my status if I go (WFH) and I'm usually 4 mins including washing hands and getting to the bathroom and back Grin

ohtowinthelottery · 23/12/2023 20:50

DH takes at least 20 mins every morning. He takes a book and his reading glasses in with him. I mean FGS there are a lot more comfortable places to sit and read. It's definitely a man thing. Women just seem to go when they need to, do the job, wash their hands and get on with the day. Men seem to have to turn it into a leisure activity.

WithIcePlease · 23/12/2023 20:51

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 23/12/2023 20:37

I've literally given birth in less time. It's pathetic

😂😂😂
All 3 of us lolled here

SuddenlyOld · 23/12/2023 20:54

Yes, sigh, new house only has 1 loo. Last house had 3. Top of my list is to try and find space for a 2nd loo 😭

Also, add on another 30 mins for his shower. I'm getting old, my bladder is getting weak, just hurry up man!

MargotBamborough · 23/12/2023 20:54

sotiredhelpme · 23/12/2023 20:05

Thank you! Same here. 8 years we have been together too.. he doesn't go when he needs to.. he sits and forces it when it's not ready! Drives me insane!

Show quote history

He will give himself piles if he does that.

He needs to drink more water, eat more fibre, and go to the toilet when the urge to go is actually getting quite strong, not just when he thinks it's poo o'clock.

MightyGoldBear · 23/12/2023 20:57

No phone in the bathroom rule.

Screen addiction.
Porn addiction.
Major red flags spending too much time in the toilet.
If you have health issues you don't need a phone with you.
You need a colonoscopy and investigation.
No one needs a phone with them in the bathroom!

AutumnBride · 23/12/2023 20:58

Men, in my experience tend to schedule a poo, DP likes to go before work, so gets up early and sits there (with his phone) for at least 20 minutes.

This explains the disappearing for a poo when you're due to leave the house, they want to do it before they go out, rather than waiting until they actually need to go.

I can only speak for me and dd not other women but we go when we need to go, we don't plan it in our schedule.

PianPianPiano · 23/12/2023 21:03

Fellow shit widow here 🖐️ drives me mad, swans off for his lengthy poo at the most inconvenient times (just as we're about to leave the house for example...).

My dad used to keep several books in the loo, could never understand why (since I didn't have to read when I go to the loo?!). Now I realise they were what men used before mobile phones...

mrsm43s · 23/12/2023 21:05

PianPianPiano · 23/12/2023 21:03

Fellow shit widow here 🖐️ drives me mad, swans off for his lengthy poo at the most inconvenient times (just as we're about to leave the house for example...).

My dad used to keep several books in the loo, could never understand why (since I didn't have to read when I go to the loo?!). Now I realise they were what men used before mobile phones...

"shit widow" 😂

AhBiscuits · 23/12/2023 21:07

Do the same OP. Just before his usual time, lock yourself in the loo and mumsnet for 40 minutes. Do it twice a day.

monicagellerbing · 23/12/2023 21:09

Yep my DH is the same, up to 45 mins sometimes and we only have 1 loo so often a queue can form, always on his phone. He reckons he needs it to 'distract' him or he can't go. Such bollocks. He takes an absolute age to do anything, cleaning, washing up, getting sorted to leave the house, having a bath can be a 2 hour event as he needs to lay there on his phone brewing in his own filth before he even contemplates getting washed and out, then getting dried means wrapping in a towel and laying on the bed, on his phone. everything he does is so fucking slow and it's normally coz he's chosen that particular time to scroll on his phone and when I confront him he says he never gets chance to look at it as I'm always making him 'do jobs' he's a pathetic man child