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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my DH have a say in my hair cut?

102 replies

Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 13:59

Came home from hairdresser to DH saying he didn't like it and I should have discussed with him first. Can't decide if he's being unreasonable or not. TIA
I am being unreasonable - people do ask DH for input
I am not being unreasonable - DH in the wrong

OP posts:
HamBone · 23/12/2023 17:40

Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 17:28

Apparently style was for a younger person, don't get it as it's virtually the same, just far neater!

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Hmm@Diddlyumptious . His comment about it being a style for a “younger person” makes me think that you look fantastic with the cut and your DH feels threatened.

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 17:43

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 14:21

No, he shouldn’t. But we need to be realistic and not expect our men to still be physically attracted to us if we do something they really don’t like. I was so annoyed when DP went clean shaven, ofc it’s up to him but I’m not attracted to him like it and long term I want to be with someone I’m physically and sexually attracted to.

The OP says she only had a trim. If her husband loses his boner over that, he’s an absolute tragedy of a man.

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 17:43

Beezknees · 23/12/2023 16:01

I find that odd personally. How can something as simple as a shave stop you from being sexually attracted to your life partner?

As we get older our bodies change and we become wrinkled and saggy, would that bother you too?

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That’s ok, you don’t have to understand.

No actually, his change in age doesn’t and hasn’t bothered me in the slightest. Neither has his weight gain over the years. However, if he suddenly got really fat that would bother me much like the abrupt change in facial hair, or lack thereof.

SwordToFlamethrower · 23/12/2023 17:44

We discuss things but we each get the final say on our own hair

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 17:45

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 17:43

The OP says she only had a trim. If her husband loses his boner over that, he’s an absolute tragedy of a man.

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Yeah I saw that after I wrote that response. Seems a very reaction over a trim. Well, it’s a strange reaction anyway, he can’t help if he doesn’t like it but to be angry? I was annoyed but I kept that t myself, I also didn’t want to make DP self conscious.

Dacadactyl · 23/12/2023 17:46

I personally think he should have a say if its a mad change of style. So if I was going to get short hair I'd discuss it with him first.

Just like if he decided he was going to be a skinhead or grow his hair out, he'd discuss it with me too.

Same with tattoos or anything that changes each of our appearance.

Ladyj84 · 23/12/2023 17:47

Lmao if I couldn't get a haircut without hubby's input there's a control problem..How odd

Namefleeting · 23/12/2023 17:49

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 17:43

The OP says she only had a trim. If her husband loses his boner over that, he’s an absolute tragedy of a man.

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I love this response 😂

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 17:52

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 17:45

Yeah I saw that after I wrote that response. Seems a very reaction over a trim. Well, it’s a strange reaction anyway, he can’t help if he doesn’t like it but to be angry? I was annoyed but I kept that t myself, I also didn’t want to make DP self conscious.

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Yes, I think that’s the key thing, isn’t it? I’m sure many people absolutely do look at their partner when they’ve changed their hair or something and secretly think “That’s a shame, I preferred it before” but like you, they do the decent thing and keep that thought inside their head rather than having a go at their partner and making them feel shit.

Namefleeting · 23/12/2023 17:58

Dacadactyl · 23/12/2023 17:46

I personally think he should have a say if its a mad change of style. So if I was going to get short hair I'd discuss it with him first.

Just like if he decided he was going to be a skinhead or grow his hair out, he'd discuss it with me too.

Same with tattoos or anything that changes each of our appearance.

I would probably tell mine if i was going to do something permanent like a tattoo. Just because while it's my body and I can do what i choose, equally he can choose to leave if he's no longer attracted to me.
And I like him more than I want a tattoo.
My hair is short and going grey. I like it. I know he would prefer me to have long hair, but he's learnt to say nothing about my hair unless it's reasonably complimentary. He raised an eyebrow when I got a couple extra piercings but I just laughed at him.

Tl:dr your right to have your hair as you like it. He doesn't have to like it but he doesn't get to tell you that you can't!

caringcarer · 23/12/2023 18:15

Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 14:04

Not at all simply a trim!

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He sounds deranged. If you'd shaved it all off he'd have a point but a trim. 🤷

GymBergerac · 23/12/2023 18:26

Personally I think unless you've had a swastika or the C word shaved into the side of your head, no, it's none of his business....

NotManyDaysTilChristmas · 23/12/2023 18:50

Your body, your haircut - he doesn’t own you.

Hbh17 · 23/12/2023 19:01

Dear Lord, no. Your hair has absolutely nothing to do with him.

SquigglePigs · 23/12/2023 19:52

It's your hair and you're entitled to have it cut how you like but personally I would take my DH's feelings into consideration.

For example I know that DH prefers my hair long (shoulder length or longer) and wouldn't like it so much if it was short. Fortunately I agree so no big deal but I do take his feelings onboard.

Similarly I wouldn't like DH with a shaved head, or hair too long. Again we're lucky that we both agree what rough length looks best on him.

I suppose the closest comparison is actually his facial hair - I love the beard and would be gutted if he shaved it off. It's his face and of course he's entitled to do that if he wants, but it would make me sad and I'd hope he'd discuss it with me.

Meowandthen · 23/12/2023 19:57

4% of people who have answers thing their husbands get a say in what they do with their hair? That’s odd.

It’s just hair. It’s not even permanent. Bizarre.

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 20:00

Jesus .... no he is not entitled to an opinion!!

squeekychicken · 23/12/2023 20:03

If it's just a trim I'm surprised he noticed. If it was something drastic then I prob wouldn't mentioned it to dh. If my dh cut all his hair off and was now a skin head I'd wanted to know beforehand.

Original poster
Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 20:17

@Menomeno I'm the same

OP posts:
theraininspainfallsmainlyontheplane · 23/12/2023 20:23

Jeez. No. Of course he doesn't get a say. Your hair, your decision. I can't believe you even have to ask.

theduchessofspork · 23/12/2023 20:26

I can’t believe he said you should have discussed your head cut with him?

Are you a surrendered wife?

Original poster
Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 20:33

@Dacadactyl I get tattoos TBF as they're permanent but not hair

OP posts:
Original poster
Diddlyumptious · 23/12/2023 20:35

@theraininspainfallsmainlyontheplane I doubted myself as he'd mentioned it, just checking it was him amd not me 😀

OP posts:
jannier · 23/12/2023 20:36

I know DH prefers longer hair but if I cut it it's no big deal if it's hot j get it shorter

HalebiHabibti · 23/12/2023 20:40

He thinks it's too young for you? He is paranoid that you'll be attracting attention, I reckon. Is he the jealous sort?

My DH has previously politely said he would prefer if I didn't get a few types of haircut. I politely abide by this, but am quietly resolved to shave all my hair off the moment he dies/we divorce....