Nearly 4 year old DD not holding pen properly

[comeouuttoplay]

I've been trying to teach her for a looooooooong time.

She loves drawing and does hold the pen well sometimes, but most of the time she doesn't. Kind of makes a fist with it, especially when colouring in.

She can trace quite well, but finds it hard to write independently.

Any tips on how to show her to hold it properly ?

Nursery produced a report where they said she wasn't where she was ' expected ' in the area of writing, but it was in the ' emerging ' column.

I don't want to stress her about it, but I do want to help her.

She's my first, so I know I'm probably being silly but I'm a bit concerned and just want her to have a good start in school when she starts in September.

My five year old is genuinely an amazing artist and writer (he has ASD and his special interests are very focused around drawing and writing about the things he is into) and still uses a palmar grasp. No amount of encouragement has made any difference to this. I figure he’ll either get it one day, or he won’t and what he’s doing works fine for him.

I was similar and really wish someone had intervened when I was younger, 40-odd years later I still can’t hold my pen correctly, and while my writing is neat I do get pain from writing too much.

My DD6 still holds her pen with a fist grip and in reception we did try to correct with 'triangle fingers' but we've now (in yr 2) been given the guidance to let her hold the pencil how she wants. She writes very well, it's not quite the same but it can be akin to forcing someone left handed to write with their right. Once we stopped trying to make her hold in a different way her writing improves. Her dad writes the same, and it's done him no harm.

My DS is the same age as your daughter and I would say in broadly the same place. He's recently got more interested in mark making and likes to write his name, and can roughly draw a person that looks sort of like a person if you know what it is. But his pencil grip switches between several styles.

He saw an occupational therapist about 4 months ago because we're concerned he might be autistic - so mostly for sensory needs - but she also looked at his handwriting/fine motor skills. She said he was a bit behind average but not delayed, and developing skills in expected order so would very likely get there without intervention. And he's hypermobile so that makes it harder for him to get grip and pressure right. She recommended - as people have above - playdough, drawing standing up, Lego, squishy balls, and warming up hands before mark making. There is also something called Theraputty that is like more resistant playdough.

I really wouldn't worry too much, though. No child excels in everything. She has literally years of writing ahead of her. Don't make this a thing for her.

I’m a paediatric OT… don’t worry too much at 3/4. I’d always recommend focusing more on having a stable base e.g. bottom back in chair, feet flat on floor and an appropriate height table, standing at an easel or lying on tummy when drawing and lots of tripod activities to get her using her thumb, index and middle finger together - posting coins, squeezing play doh etc, you can also try drawing with small piece of crayon (too small to wrap hand around) etc.

Whilst pencil grips can be useful not all grips are right for all children - children who use a palmer whole hand grasp can still wrap their hands around the triangle shaped ones.

Nursery/schools tend to push handwriting before children are ready… At this age the focus should be pre-writing shapes, hand strength/fine motor activities and always play based/fun!

My two are 20 and 22. They don't hold their pens 'properly'. They can write. Moreover, they can type like lightning and are fully functioning human beings. It's no big deal. And your DD is 3!

My Ds6 spent the first half of reception holding his pencil incorrectly despite constantly being corrected. He's in year 1 now and has got the hang of it but still struggles with letter formation. He's brilliant at other things but finds writing more challenging. Conversely my dd3 has been holding pencils correctly for the last year without us even showing her how. They're all different and will do things in their own time. Just keep encouraging your DD and celebrate the things she does really well.

Is she left handed as I really struggled with handwriting and so has DC who is also left handed?

Don't worry..
My dd now 25 holds the pen like a fist. It's never held her back from writing "normally".
She gained top grades in all her education. Now professional job etc.
Even teachers at nursery said she will change her grip eventually and that didn't happen. She's not been disadvantaged by fist grip pen holding in slightest.
Hope this will help.

What a great response. 👏🏻👏🏻As a parent, all these govt targets just make us anxious. All kids are individuals and at that age, love and fun is where it's at. Relax OP. Enjoy these early years xx

Year 1 TA here. I too am sad to read this. Your daughter is doing great , we are still working on pencil grip in year1 for some so please don’t stress . Have you tried threading cards , dough disco (small tub of dough and google it on YouTube) , finger gym . Try Pinterest for fine motor activities which don’t actually entail holding a pencil . All fun stuff but strengthens the hand which in turn will help her hold the pencil in time. I hope she continues to enjoy her colouring 😊

Really short stubby crayons or chalks for drawing.

Plus see above post by TA.

Who decided the correct way for holding a pen - if someone produces clear legible writing and can do it at reasonable speed then so what. Left handers have to discover their own best way unless they are lucky enough to have a left handed early years teacher.
It's like the fake phonics that children have to learn - some jump straight to fluent reading but then have to do the phonics test.

Mine was the same at that age, and I tried lots of tips, to no avail. She started school just after she turned four, and within six weeks she'd cracked it. I don't know whether the teacher had some genius way of teaching her, or whether it was just the school environment which got her to focus on it.

She’ll get there in her own time, mine spent a lot of reception practicing. I’m nearly 42 and still can’t hold a pen properly! I can write neatly when needed and have 2 degrees so it hasn’t held me back…

I hold my pen in a fist. I have lovely handwriting, excellent academically and have a good job. I remember being told I wouldn't get through High school 😂

It doesn't matter if she's only emerging in this area now. She's 3 and school is an awfully long way away.

I wouldn't even bother trying with her if I'm honest. Just look up something like "fun mark making activities for a 3 year old" and make it all into a fun experience for her.

DS wouldn't even hold a pencil before starting school and seems to be doing fairly alright now at Uni

Thanks everyone.

Based on all these replies I will stop correcting the grip and focus in a fun way on activities which strengthen her fine motor skills.

I've just raided Amazon for all these suggestions.

I also need to just take a step back from it as I am so focused on her having a good start academically. But it's a marathon, not a sprint.

It's been a very useful post and I'm feeling a lot less stressed about it, which will translate to DD.

Other parents at school have been stressing me out about it as well.. ' they should already be doing phonics ' ' my DD is just so ready to do all this school work ' ' they do phonics already at XY school'. When in fact I wasn't really thinking about it before and was just happy that the teachers were telling me DD is always improving and listening better to them and rules and learning to share more and take turns etc. I was mainly still focused on those behaviours, thinking the nursery will teach them in their own time and then speaking to this mum just stressed me out. Apparently her DD is SO ready for all this stuff..

My DD just wants to play and draw.. and do crafts and run around outside playing..

This is a lesson I know I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of. Don't compare and don't listen to all the BS in a way that makes you worry about your child. It's only going to get worse !

Agree with @Mamamable on sitting properly in a chair. Lots of chn dangle on the corner of a chair or sit too far away, don’t apply pressure to the pencil etc.All of the strength ideas on here are so important.

Step away from those parents OP. Schools know what they’re doing and sometimes have to undo the work done by misinformed parents. Enjoy these early years. Let her run and swing and colour. All of those things will help her write but more importantly just develop normally and be happy.

Are you teaching her to use the same hand you use? I think we all tend to do that without even thinking about it. I know I did. And ds was (is) right handed for doing a lot of things but eventually it became obvious that for writing he is left handed and he got on much better after that!

Worth thinking about. Watch her colouring etc when she doesn't know you are and maybe play games to "see how we get on if we use our other hand" .

Both of my children have adopted the quadropod grasp. I didn't even notice with DS1. He had lovely handwriting and school were happy. He was first in his class to get the dreaded Pen Licence. 10 years later school had a flap about DS2 holding his pencil wrong and being too slow at writing. They tried a few individual lessons with him in yr 1 and learning cursive really increased his speed. But he still reverted to his initial grasp, and also has lovely handwriting. I refused to force him to adapt to their ideas of correct grip. He was also one of the first to get a pen licence in junior school.