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Original poster

Nearly 4 year old DD not holding pen properly

98 replies

comeouuttoplay · 23/12/2023 05:11

I've been trying to teach her for a looooooooong time.

She loves drawing and does hold the pen well sometimes, but most of the time she doesn't. Kind of makes a fist with it, especially when colouring in.

She can trace quite well, but finds it hard to write independently.

Any tips on how to show her to hold it properly ?

Nursery produced a report where they said she wasn't where she was ' expected ' in the area of writing, but it was in the ' emerging ' column.

I don't want to stress her about it, but I do want to help her.

She's my first, so I know I'm probably being silly but I'm a bit concerned and just want her to have a good start in school when she starts in September.

OP posts:
Original poster
comeouuttoplay · 23/12/2023 06:18

cosypompoms · 23/12/2023 06:17

You obviously are a great mum trying to a good thing, but my advice is....Instead of teaching her to hold then pen in a certain way you could help her to strengthen her fine motor skills by playing with playdough, and threading. The pen control will come in time.

She does love her play dough too. I'll look at some threading kits as well, I think she'd enjoy that.

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 06:20

Also encourage her to do "nip, flip and grip" (google it), every time, routinely

Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 06:22

Playdo is really soft. Get plasticine for hamd strength and use it for water play. Make bowls & cups and funnels and pipes

Mumof2teens79 · 23/12/2023 06:22

Just gently correct her when she is writing....no other time.
You can buy different grips but she is still at nursery! Ignore their report.

When my kids started school the school didn't really expect them to be writing and preferred to start almost from scratch.

My DD is doing her GCSEs and still doesn't hold her pen the "right" way....she never has. But it works for her.

Benibidibici · 23/12/2023 06:24

Every child has learnt how to hold a pen by seven so do not stress.

Not really true - ds (7) can hold a pen but his grip is poor, still, and it really slows his writing down.

BoilingHotand50something · 23/12/2023 06:30

I am in my 50s and don’t hold my pen properly! Never stopped me from doing anything but I can remember them trying to correct it and then giving up as I had the best handwriting in my class and was very good at art.

You have had some very good advice on this thread about not forcing the issue and instead teaching the skills through play. Hope she continues to enjoy her colouring.

anyolddinosaur · 23/12/2023 06:30

Sometimes well meaning support is not good. Your child may turn out to be dyspraxic and working on her fine motor skills is important. How is she with things like dressing herself? Do you play catch with her?

Unfortunately those whose physical development is a little slow tend to be labelled by their teachers as slow mentally. This means constant battles with school to avoid their confidence being damaged.

Kids with slow physical development can be highly intelligent, I have one of those and have the battles with school T shirt! Mine still holds a pen oddly but learnt to write as fast as anyone using a different grip, has a good degree from a well regarded university and drives better than I do. Dont let anyone knock your child's confidence.

Original poster
comeouuttoplay · 23/12/2023 06:33

anyolddinosaur · 23/12/2023 06:30

Sometimes well meaning support is not good. Your child may turn out to be dyspraxic and working on her fine motor skills is important. How is she with things like dressing herself? Do you play catch with her?

Unfortunately those whose physical development is a little slow tend to be labelled by their teachers as slow mentally. This means constant battles with school to avoid their confidence being damaged.

Kids with slow physical development can be highly intelligent, I have one of those and have the battles with school T shirt! Mine still holds a pen oddly but learnt to write as fast as anyone using a different grip, has a good degree from a well regarded university and drives better than I do. Dont let anyone knock your child's confidence.

She's ok at dressing herself. She can do it. She's quite athletic I would say. Doesn't fall over much and never has.

In the gross motor and fine motor skills part, they've marked her as being in the ' expected ' column.

OP posts:
Original poster
comeouuttoplay · 23/12/2023 06:33

She loves to play catch!

OP posts:
niclw · 23/12/2023 06:46

My DC is 5. They started reception class in September and still struggle with this. They were not interested in writing or drawing before starting school so got frustrated when told to change the grip. They are much better at it now but still slip into their old ways. Just encourage your daughter gently but she still has plenty of time to correct herself. It sounds like she is off to a positive start with her colouring.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/12/2023 06:51

She's 3! Give her a break!

cosypompoms · 23/12/2023 06:53

Also besides threading you could give her a big needle and some wool on a plastic cross stitch board to do her own sewing. Mine love that.

Ladyj84 · 23/12/2023 06:54

Sorry but you have way to high expectations. Bring it down a notch, it will all come when she's ready

anyolddinosaur · 23/12/2023 06:58

Encourage her to do "nip, flip and grip". Pencils grips. Writing on a sloping board may help. Consider wriggle worms (we didnt use this, things I wish I'd known about). https://www.thedyslexiashop.co.uk/products/wriggleworms-fine-motor-activity-set

If her physical development remains slow you may want to encourage piano playing and individual sports later - things like trampolining and archery.

ohfook · 23/12/2023 07:17

Ok just as children don't grow in height at a steady, uniform rate (they often have growth spurts or long periods of time where they stay the same height) the same is true of the rest of their development.

If you were to Google the bones in the hand of a three year old and then compare to an X-ray of an eight year olds hand, it would become immediately obvious why her grip hasn't developed yet - she's not ready!

There's no harm keeping an eye on it but don't suck the fun out of writing and drawing and provide lots of other opportunities for developing fine motor skills.

CandyflossKing · 23/12/2023 07:17

Try not to worry about it. My 9 year old still olds her pen terribly! That said her handwriting is beautiful and she was the first in her class to be given a pen to use instead of a pencil.

Kittylala · 23/12/2023 07:25

Don't worry about nursery reports - shes not even in school yet and she'll learn everything she needs there. Mine was the same. We got those little pencil grippers.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/12/2023 07:25

It's very early to be expecting a correct grip, but this video is very useful.

Netaporter · 23/12/2023 07:39

@comeouuttoplay my DD was like you describe. She actually had hyper mobility. She also needed chunkier pens and pencils to help aid her grip. The OT stressed the need to ensure her feet were planted properly on the floor which meant she gripped less tightly on a pencil/pen. She held it awkwardly for many years but her diagnosis meant she was allowed to type for exams etc.

It is tricky when it’s your first because you have no reference point. If you are worried, see a GP and get a referral to put your mind at ease.

110APiccadilly · 23/12/2023 07:46

I have read that long pencils/ pens are hard for little ones, which makes sense - imagine trying to use a pencil as long in proportion to your hand as normal pencils are for a four year old.

So you could get her a nice set of shorter pencils/ pens/ whatever she likes to draw with and see if that helps at all.

fulawitt · 23/12/2023 07:49

using pictures help rather then holding their hands

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/12/2023 07:51

comeouuttoplay · 23/12/2023 06:00

It's tough when it's your first child and you're inexperienced about child development I guess.

Also if the nursery are saying she's behind already, it can be worrying.

I'm glad it all worked out for your son.

Show quote history

I don't think the Nursery were saying she was behind. On the Early Years Foundation Stage Profile the Expected level is what is Expected at the end of Reception. Emerging is just where she should be now.

As a Reception teacher I used to give children a small fluffy ball to hold while holding their pencil. It made them use their little, ring and middle fingers to hold the ball and their fore finger and thumb to hold the pencil while it leans on the middle finger. It's hard to explain without a picture.

fulawitt · 23/12/2023 07:52

https://www.lamy.com/en/the-correct-way-to-hold-a-pen/

A lot of physical activity is necessary it is not just about the hand.

The correct way to hold a pen

https://www.lamy.com/en/the-correct-way-to-hold-a-pen

Scarletttulips · 23/12/2023 07:53

I would keep working on it. As you can see from the replies schools don’t ‘teach’ handwring like they used to. So ma y people don’t hold their pens properly. (But that’s ok as they have a first from Cambridge) You can have a first and hold your pen correctly!!