Nearly 4 year old DD not holding pen properly

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I've been trying to teach her for a looooooooong time.

She loves drawing and does hold the pen well sometimes, but most of the time she doesn't. Kind of makes a fist with it, especially when colouring in.

She can trace quite well, but finds it hard to write independently.

Any tips on how to show her to hold it properly ?

Nursery produced a report where they said she wasn't where she was ' expected ' in the area of writing, but it was in the ' emerging ' column.

I don't want to stress her about it, but I do want to help her.

She's my first, so I know I'm probably being silly but I'm a bit concerned and just want her to have a good start in school when she starts in September.

I would leave it alone for now. What you are waiting for is the connection in the brain to be created to allow the motor skill to be mastered. It will come but until that connection is made, the skill cannot be mastered.

I remember seeing DD’s handwriting at age 9 become fluent in the space of week and, at the same time, her freestyle and other strokes smoothed out so she stopped repeating swimming levels and started flying through them. The difference between one week and the next was quite marked.

@CaptainMyCaptain thanks for your insight.

She's at a preschool nursery which is part of a bigger school she will start reception there in September 2024.

The report they have given me has three categories:

' emerging '

' expected '

' exceeding '

She's mostly in the expected category and has a few in the ' emerging ' one- like writing.

It's one of those things that unless you're hot on it right from the beginning, you have kids that start school still holding their pen in an alternate grip. They all get it at some point. Please don't put too much emphasis on it. Your daughter loves drawing, that's great! Don't put her off it or she'll resent having to write/hold a pen at all

As others have said this can take years so really you have to have a lot of patience, be very positive and encouraging. In other countries calligraphy is taught for years. it's not just a reception thing.

This is standard eyfs talk, they finish reception with the same 3 categories. You have til she's 4-5 to pass the early learning goals and even if they don't in any of the categories, they'll get there at some point 😊

This is actually something I’ve never done. I suspect I was pushed to write too early and couldn’t hold my pen correctly and it became a habit (I’m not accusing you of this OP!) It hasn’t affected my handwriting and I’ve just realised I don’t know what the ‘correct’ way is!

There are lots of fun things you can do to encourage the pincer grip without being pushy. Firstly, they need strong gross motor skills and core strength to build fine motor skills so lots of running, climbing, jumping, balancing etc.

To develop the fine motor skills, threading beads, play doh (check out dough disco on YouTube), using tweezers, sticking matchsticks in playdoh are some that come to mind.

PP above have suggested triangular thicker pencils and/or grips which are brilliant too and I agree not to make this part an issue with her and focus on the development as a whole.

Im sure a poster who is a teacher/early years specialist will be along with more suggestions as they have lots and lots - the above are what we did.

You are right to subtly work on her skills at home for the longer term but keep it fun and relaxed

Yes. Don't worry about it she's where she should be at that stage - still developing. One of my bug bears as a Reception teacher was private nurseries putting children down as Expected or even Exceeding levels when they really weren't. Then I would have to break that news to the parents. If your nursery is being more circumspect it's because they see the bigger picture and are probably working with the school.

@TeddyBeans really ? I wish they had explained that because it looks like she's behind.

I apparently still don't hold a pen or pencil properly, neither can my left-handed daughter. I have very neat handwriting.

Don't worry OP, she will get there in her own time I reckon

@CaptainMyCaptain yeah they're definitely working with the school, as they are the school.

The nursery is right next to the reception class and they all play together in break times etc and the reception teachers know the nursery children and vice versa. I thought it was a good idea to send her to a place like that, so she would transition well into reception.

She's absolutely not behind! Everything nursery and reception does feeds into the early learning goals which is the expectation for when they finish reception. She has until then really to reach 'expected' or 'exceeding' so as long as they're actually doing something about it rather than just making you worry, everything will be alright

The ones that are still 'emerging' just get extra support on whatever it is they're emerging in when it comes to year 1, my son has emotional support because his social emotional skills aren't great. Like everything with children, they get there at their own pace. Please don't worry

I think you made the right choice. The transition should be smooth and the Reception teacher and your daughter will already know each other. Relax it's all fine.

This makes me so mad.
4 year old are not ready for letter formation. The tripod grip is not the only grip that is suitable for holding a pencil. There are 3 that are considered effective. However the only reason that these grips are considered the best are that they mean later on a child is not tiring quickly or sore if writing for a while.
If at a later stage your child has a poor grip but is neither slow or sore it won't need to be corrected by an ot.
Gross motor then fine motor then pencil grip.
I teach (not in uk) and my class wouldn't hold a pencil until Christmas instead doing gross and fine motor activities. Most would be nearly six at this stage..
Encourage the pincer grip as pp said with threading (spaghetti in a colander, cheerios on spaghetti etc) and lots of playdough (dough disco is brilliant on YouTube to give fingers a fun workout)

And don't worry.

@CaptainMyCaptain thank you so much.

She absolutely loves going there ! She is sad when I pick her up some days as she wants to stay with her friends.

I'm really pleased because she seems so happy and she struggled to settle in the usual ' day nursery ' setting as there were so many kids. Or maybe she's also just older now and ready to explore but I'm pleased for her.

We had the same from our sons pre school. Also about him not using a knife or fork properly. He started school in September and no concerns about either now, he picked it up straight away...maybe he was being taught differently at nursery

I’m 44 and I still don’t hold my pencil with a tripod grip 🤷🏻‍♀️

it’s fine!

Leave it to the teachers when she starts school. They'll fix this. She'll listen to them because they're her teachers and know everything (unlike parents who know nothing 🙄).

In the meantime, focus on gross and fine motor skills. These are much more important than whether she can hold a pen correctly at this stage. As people have said, lots of playdoh and sorting and threading activities.

Try some pencils like this. The shape helps to encourage children to hold their pencil “correctly”.

She is very little though, so don’t fret too much as of yet.

Ignore grandmas, btw. They can’t remember when you did what, it’s a very long time ago.

DH’s DM is convinced she taught DS1 to write when he was little. She spent the grand total of 30 minutes with him on one occasion doing some colouring in.

The early learning goal that relates to holding a pencil falls under 'physical' area of the EYFS.
This is what they should be doing by the END of year R

"Hold a pencil effectively in preparation for fluent writing – using
the tripod grip in almost all cases;"

The 'writing' targets are not to do with the physical act of writing, but more sbout understanding what writing is for and that it has meaning.
There are several different curriculums that cover this, but below is the writing area of birth to 5, one of the most popular ones:

RANGE 5 36-48 MONTHS

• Makes up stories, play scenarios, and drawings in response to experiences, such as outings
• Sometimes gives meaning to their drawings and paintings
• Ascribes meanings to signs, symbols and words that they see in different places, including those they make themselves
• Includes mark making and early writing in their play
• Imitates adults’ writing by making continuous lines of shapes and symbols (early writing) from left to right
• Attempts to write their own name, or other names and words, using combinations of lines, circles and
curves, or letter-type shapes
• Shows interest in letters on a keyboard, identifying the initial letter of their own name and other familiar words
• Begins to make letter-type shapes to represent the initial sound of their name and other familiar words

However, to help develop her fine motor skills in order to eventually hold a pen correctly, start with large arm movements, such as sweeping, throwing balls etc.
Children develop from 'inside' to 'outside so before they can develop strong finger muscles they need to have strong wrists, elbows and shoulders.

Half of the year 1/2 class of 5/6/7 year olds at my school are working on their pencil hold. DD is very young. Those grandmas comments are crazy.

Yes to triangular pencils and you can also get rubber pencil grips that are shaped and will fit on any pen/ pencil. Don’t make a big deal of it.

That's, strange,DH and I were discussing this yesterday. Went out for lunch,he holds his fork upside down,uses it like a shovel,I was taught tines downward always,then we were chatting about holding pens,he has much bigger manhands,says he can't hold small things. He was a vehicle tech 40 years,can used minute screw drivers on my sewing machine and mending glasses! My last GP was left handed,had his hand above the pen, I was told this is why most south paws have such bad writing, they are covering what they are writing. My late DM was a SP, beautiful writing/sewing/embroidery, forced to undo everything and do it "properly".

At this stage, I really wouldn't stress about it. She is very little and as long as she is drawing/mark making, she will be fine.
Even when she starts school, they will expect to teach how to hold a pen - my son's school used chunky, triangular pencils to help.

If it makes you feel any better, my son struggled with handwriting at first- especially in Y1 when they were teaching cursive. I did worry that he would never get it and he hated writing.

He has just turned 10 and writes really well now - has done since Y3. He loves writing and will often make his own comic strips/little books.

She will get there in her own time.