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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be happy most of the time

62 replies

HappySquashGirl · 22/12/2023 21:38

My nephew asked me what percentage of the time in happy. I said 100%. I wasn't lying, my baseline emotion is happy and I get a lot of joy from very small things (like butternut squash being really orange).

DH seems quite surprised by this and its not sure when he's happy but generally thinks his baseline is sad. Understandably this is quite depressing news.

So I'm wondering which one of us is unusual? Are you cheerful like me or doleful like ~DH~ a sad puppy? Do you find lots of things in life make you happy? What about your DHs? I'm just intrigued to know.

(feel I should add I consider myself very lucky to have a house, job, relative financial security etc but it's not like I've lived a magical charmed life or anything, we both have some fairly significant losses and difficulties but life is pretty steady rn)

YABU - sad is my baseline
YANBU - I'm usually pretty happy

OP posts:
Friendfoe1 · 22/12/2023 21:40

I’m generally a happy person, I find being miserable and sad so exhausting. Now and then I’ll feel down about something but it doesn’t usually take long for me to bounce back.

RoseInBloome7 · 22/12/2023 21:41

I pretend to be happy all of the time . Externally I'm happy and full of smiles / life.

Internally , I'm an anxious , resentful , grieving mess Grin

RaspberryCloud · 22/12/2023 21:41

Friendfoe1 · 22/12/2023 21:40

I’m generally a happy person, I find being miserable and sad so exhausting. Now and then I’ll feel down about something but it doesn’t usually take long for me to bounce back.

Th

RaspberryCloud · 22/12/2023 21:44

Friendfoe1 · 22/12/2023 21:40

I’m generally a happy person, I find being miserable and sad so exhausting. Now and then I’ll feel down about something but it doesn’t usually take long for me to bounce back.

Whoops! Meant to say -

This generally describes me too - I prefer to look on the bright side and also take joy in small things - beautiful scenery, the blueness of the sky, cute animals etc. Of course I'm sad sometimes, but I try not to wallow. I find exercise very invigorating and I'm sure it contributes positively to my general mood. I try and count my blessings!

Grapefruitstars · 22/12/2023 21:49

I'm a depressive but I'm worse if I'm around difficult people or a shit situation. Now I'm in a happy relationship and a happy job I'm happy maybe 70pc of the time.

OctoblocksAssemble · 22/12/2023 21:51

My general baseline is feeling inadequate. I think this may well come from sustained bullying in school. I wish I could just feel happy, but it's something that only comes from either garnering external validation, or switching my brain off by engaging with something like music, TV, reading.

WhateverMate · 22/12/2023 21:54

Generally very happy and optimistic.

But it seems to be a family trait. My parents, siblings, and family on my dad's side are also happy optimists.

GHSP · 22/12/2023 21:54

Generally I feel happy, and grateful for what I’ve got in life. I have all the other emotions too, but I think I’m wired to be quite positive about things.

LumiB · 22/12/2023 21:59

I'd say I'm generally upbeat and happy and if something knocks me back music gets me back to happy.

I also find the joy in sma things, lately its trees. I just love them and I nlrice them more and some have branches that make them quite architectural 😆 and I find myself saying what a beautiful tree lol

ughChristmas · 22/12/2023 22:00

I'm really not sure. I am content most of the time, so is that happy? I've always been capable of being content and at least generally happy. A few years ago my child got seriously ill and ended up dying, so that's changed my life a lot. I can still find joy in the little things and that's also partly coping now, but I think 'neutral' but content enough is my default now. I seek out the little things more. I'm more isolated because I just don't relate to the world as much as I used to. I think I'm generally happy enough though. Complicated question.

Liz1tummypain · 22/12/2023 22:00

Content is my baseline so any deviation from that is quite a bit thing. When I sense some pressure I tell myself not to worry worry, til worry worries me. That keeps me broadly-speaking with a positive outlook. I think DP is similar, luckily.

whereisitgoing · 22/12/2023 22:00

(feel I should add I consider myself very lucky to have a house, job, relative financial security etc but it's not like I've lived a magical charmed life or anything, we both have some fairly significant losses and difficulties but life is pretty steady rn)

Depending on what the losses and difficulties are and if they happened as a child vs as an adult, it will affect your ability to establish an emotional baseline I think.

Like if you had a steady childhood with plenty of love and enough to eat and no life altering trauma, it kind of sets you up for life, even if really awful things happen later?

The more ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) you have the more likelihood you have for a whole host of problems, particularly related to physical and mental health, later on.

There will always be outliers who lead amazingly successful happy live despite horrendous childhoods, but ACEs have significance at population level.

Vvvvvvvvv · 22/12/2023 22:03

I used to have my baseline as happy. Severe trauma involving my baby has fundamentally altered who I am forever. My baseline is definitely sad and desperately anxious now. I yearn to be the optimistic and happy person I once was, and I definitely do feel happiness a lot of the time, but it's not my baseline any more. Maybe one day?

JamSandle · 22/12/2023 22:05

I oscillate but I do have mental health problems compounded by life trauma. I have to 'work' to maintain happiness sometimes. But it's excellent that you can say you feel 100% happy! 🧡

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/12/2023 22:06

I'd say my baseline emotion is sanguine. Not bursting with joy, not believing that everything happens for a good reason, not denying that lots of things are shit but....overall I just feel things will work out fine in the end.

Sallybegood · 22/12/2023 22:07

I thought sad was my baseline, but about ten years ago I found myself in a situation where I was baseline happy for several years (I’m out of it now sadly - pandemic didn’t help). So now I know that is possible for me, but I’m not sure how to get back to it! There were a lot of external factors, not all of which are in my control. A job I loved, low outgoings and lack of money worries, very short walking commute to work, strong friendships and friends who lived very nearby so it was easy to see them, a meaningful community and sense of purpose, lots of time outdoors, new hobbies and new adventures and experiences.

I guess I would say sad is my baseline, but with enough things going right I can be happier than I ever thought possible.

whereisitgoing · 22/12/2023 22:09

I also think some people are excellent at repressing their sadness or anger over any given thing, because they are not comfortable with it. Perhaps they grew up in a household where having negative emotions was disapproved of or caused upset.

"Positive vibes only" isn't a healthy way to live.

Life can be very difficult and rough and at times unfathomably hard to figure out how to move forward - sadness, anger or despair have their important places.

Hatty65 · 22/12/2023 22:10

I'd say I have a tendency to depression, but as I've got older I've realised this and actively focus on the small things in life, taking happiness in the trivial. It's an effort, but I'm now happy most of the time as I focus on being present in the moment.

Mojodojocasahaus · 22/12/2023 22:10

Ah good for you op, you be as happy as you can be forever x

5128gap · 22/12/2023 22:12

I am 80% satisfied and content
10% Happy
5% discontented
5% Extremely unhappy

Thepissinglady · 22/12/2023 22:17

I had a good stable childhood experience with loving and kind parents. As an adult I weather storms very well. I do get down but soon get myself back on track. I work hard, live an honest life and appreciate tge beauty in small things. My life is generally fulfilled and happy. I am content and grateful.
.

PralinaChocs · 22/12/2023 22:23

I am actually delighted to hear that happiness is a genuine baseline for some people, that is lovely.

I reckon 'neutral' is probably mine. I'm rarely unhappy, and I really appreciate all the privileges I have, and love for/by my children and DH etc. I get plenty of joy from things, but it's a fairly calm sort of joy rather than rapturously happy. And here are also things where I think 'I'd quite like that to be different', but in a fairly calm/philosophical kind of way. So mostly these days I think I'm just in a fairly neutral state of being.

sunights · 22/12/2023 22:23

We are all different..

To be happy most of the time
PralinaChocs · 22/12/2023 22:24

Maybe content is a better word than neutral

GenXisthebest · 22/12/2023 22:25

I'm generally a happy positive person. My DH tends more towards a melancholy outlook.

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